Living with alcohol excess is so difficult & unpredictable. It is adrug & IMO is still not given the recognition for its all consuming addictive nature. It changes personalities & wrecks lives.
Personally I have battled over the years with drink & finally managed to break free last year. However I lived for many years with someone who would drink a half bottle of whisky a night - brought on by stress of the debt situation . I did not know him in the end & (there were many other issues) I could not continue in that relationship.
Be strong Hun....I admire what you are doing & will pop in whenever I can....support makes all the difference.
Angiexx
its so easy though to develop an issue with alcohol ... you dont even notice it till it's too late (not always admittedly) ... it creeps up on you and before you know it wham its there ... and coming off it isnt easy either ... coming off of alcohol is the only addiction that can kill you ... that's serious stuff ... you can come off of heroin and it doesnt kill you ... you can come off of cigarettes and it doesnt kill you .... but if you are a heavy drinker ... coming off of alcohol can kill you
and i totally agree with you it isnt recognised as much a problem as drugs are ... heroin isnt as dangerous as alcohol and yet heroin is illegal catagory a (i think) even even cannibis that has been proven to have medical benefits is illegal and yet alcohol ... nope legal as legal can be ... in scotland (not sure about england or wales) you can give a child of 5 alcohol and you arnt breaking the law !!!!!! is that all about?
sorry am on a bit of a rant here ... can you tell i used to work with alcohol lol ...
thank you very much for sharing your story with your battle with drink and please please pop in when you can
Just thought I'd pop on and say hi and well done for starting this thread. I hope there are lots of people that will feel that they will be able to contribute, this in itself helps untold amounts of people that lurk and are too shy/ashamed/frightened/whatever to post (which is fine, each to their own ).
As you know I am an alcoholic and I find it interesting to read stories from the other side of the fence. I've been drinking for 17 years and have had a handful of quits lasting up to 4 months. I've either tried or wanted to quit everyday for at least 8 of those years but the addiction takes over and you no longer have control of your thought process. I would drive 100 miles to find an open off licence but doubt I'd drive more than 10 to avoid it. I can't even describe the feeling of thinking that you need that drink to be able to get through that moment. The mental image of drinking and the thought of drinking and then knowing that you can't causes physical reactions, dry mouth, tight chest, palpitations etc (not in everyone but it's very common). I imagined myself crouched down in the middle of a tornado, can't get out and the noise is thunderous...that's how I'd describe a craving. It can be frightening, it can make you sad, angry and irritable. The minute you have opened the first can or bottle and taken a mouthful, all those emotions disappear, gone, all back to normal and there the circle continues. Something seems to have clicked in me (although I am always cautious, been here before) and am today 13 days sober. I can go back to the old way as quick as you like and I am aware of that.
I so desperately hope that your OH gets his drinking lightbulb moment and bless you for being there for him El.
Take care sweetie, you know where I am if you need anything
xx
DFW Nerd no. 496 - Proud to be dealing with my debts!!
jo thanks for sharing what it feels like ... i cant really begin to understand what it must feel like ... but it does help in a strange way to try to understand what it feels like...
i do find it hard sometimes trying to support my husband and the thought of his future if he carries on the way he is just now scares me ... it really does ... and i feel frustrated that sometimes it seems to me like he isnt trying to altleast try and control his drinking even a bit ... but having read what you have written makes me appreciate more now how hard it must be for him sometimes ...
loving someone makes us behave in ways we dont normally behave ...irrational, angry, frustrated, apathetic ... i even tried at one point to drink a tonne load by keeping up with him (for months this went on) thinking if he saw how much i drank maybe he would think ohhh this is alot we need to get a grip ... we do strange things ... and supporting someone that has this issue takes alot out of us ... spiritually mentally and physically .. we can loose ourselves ... i at one point became obsessed ... my life was defined by a liquid i didnt even drink .. how idiotic is that ? but i thought it could work i thought i would make the difference ... i also thought if i loved him enough then i could either fix him or live with it and not get sucked in
please feel free to pop back on whenever you can ... it really helps me (and i am sure others) to try and understand both sides
its so easy though to develop an issue with alcohol ... you dont even notice it till it's too late (not always admittedly) ... it creeps up on you and before you know it wham its there ... and coming off it isnt easy either ... coming off of alcohol is the only addiction that can kill you ... that's serious stuff ... you can come off of heroin and it doesnt kill you ... you can come off of cigarettes and it doesnt kill you .... but if you are a heavy drinker ... coming off of alcohol can kill you
and i totally agree with you it isnt recognised as much a problem as drugs are ... heroin isnt as dangerous as alcohol and yet heroin is illegal catagory a (i think) even even cannibis that has been proven to have medical benefits is illegal and yet alcohol ... nope legal as legal can be ... in scotland (not sure about england or wales) you can give a child of 5 alcohol and you arnt breaking the law !!!!!! is that all about?
sorry am on a bit of a rant here ... can you tell i used to work with alcohol lol ...
thank you very much for sharing your story with your battle with drink and please please pop in when you can
It is crazy that nicotine and alcohol are still legal. Unfortunately they raise so much money through taxes that no government would ever touch them. In my life I have tried most street drugs, well the ones that were around in the 80's/90's and haven't got hooked on any of them. I'm a 30 a day smoker and was a very heavy drinker now 1 year and 3 days sober. All my serious relationships have been with other heavy drinkers. Heavy drinkers/alcoholics/alcoholic dependant people, in fact any addict of any drug or behaviour are utterly selfish people. The drug of choice comes before anything. This is hurtful and cruel but it is because addicts are sick, it is a disease that permeates every cell of your body and mind. I know this because now I look back on my past as if it was a totally different person. The trouble is, because in sober moments the things you do in drunken moments come back to haunt you, you do the easiest thing available to you to block them out. Use. Whatever your drug is.
I know Jo will second me on this and I swear we are not on commission but the book No Big Deal by John Coats is an amazing book. It explains, from the horses mouth, what life is like for an addict and how you can turn it around.
My current work means I talk to many people about some deeply personal things. I would say that the vast majority of family/society issues at the moment are down to the 3 D's drink, debt or domestic violence. At least in my area they are.
Thats a little waffle from me, selfishly reading the pain and misery that alcohol is causing in your lives makes my resolve stronger to stay sober.
I can see this thread helping so many people in so many ways.
Hi, we’ve had to remove your signature. If you’re not sure why please read the forum rules or email the forum team if you’re still unsure - MSE ForumTeam
It's a vicious circle, I'd wake up and think 'did I drink' 'yes I drank' 'I'm not drinking today' then as the day progresses I'd think 'can I cope with not drinking' 'I'll just have 1 or 2' then the beer bell goes (about 3pm for me) and I'd think 'no, I'll do it tomorrow, can't do it today' 'definitely tomorrow' and then the seed has been planted, once it's planted it won't go away. So you drink on it, feel completely relieved immediately, then after a few the guilt sets in, I'd wallow in pity at my self-destruction. I'd go to bed and cry myself to sleep everynight for letting myself down, have a fitful sleep then wake up and do it all over again.
I am not saying these things to upset you El, I'm trying to help you understand what it was like for me because it could be similar to what your OH is experiencing.
There are many arguments about whether people are to blame for drinking. I went to the GP in 2005 and broke down and told him that I had a drink problem, he asked me how much I drank, I told him and he laughed and said I could drink him under the table. He then said - and I quote - 'just don't buy it then you can't drink it'. The problem in itself starts long before the physical drinking of it, it's the thoughts and feelings that go through your head trying to justify it. As said on here earlier, Jekyll & Hyde, that's what it is, but there is no communication between the two, one runs the place and then the other takes over, it's out of our hands. UNTIL you get a sudden flicker of a lightbulb and you decide to not pick up that day. It's hard El, really f*cking hard. But it is possible, I know that and I just need to perservere and not allow those thoughts to enter my head again.
I just want you to understand that it's the alcohol that's making him do it. It must be so frustrating for you. My MIL was an alcoholic, she'd go on 5 day benders then a week of sleep and my OH got so angry with her, so frustrated. It wasn't her fault.
DFW Nerd no. 496 - Proud to be dealing with my debts!!
Hi, we’ve had to remove your signature. If you’re not sure why please read the forum rules or email the forum team if you’re still unsure - MSE ForumTeam
Can I ask what made you decide to try to quit drinking the first time you tried - how did you realise you were drinking too much?
It wasn't a sudden wake up moment, it was quite gradual, probably started in 2002 when I got pregnant and realised that I couldn't stop drinking even though I knew I was pregnant (I'll probably be flamed for the selfishness of it all from some, but you know what, I've kicked myself enough that it wouldn't bother me). I stopped drinking at 9 weeks pregnant and spent the following 31 weeks dreaming of drinking. The first thing, literally the first thing I did when I got out of hospital was dash over the offy for a couple of cans.
I started drinking at 21 (I'm now 38) and openly drank every day until my OH said something about it and I then started drinking in secret. And so after the pregnancy thing and the fact that I knew I was ashamed of my drinking I knew I had a problem. It took a long time to come to terms with it in my head and I mean years. I know it can be done, been to AA and other alcohol meetings not AA based, have untold friends on the cutting down/quitting drinking thread that have succeeded in either cutting back or stopping.
It has to be the right time though, in your head. If it doesn't feel right then it's unlikely to happen. And it has to come from the alcoholic, I'm sorry but it really is true. Good luck and bless you as well for being there, you wouldn't be posting on here if you didn't care hun. xx
I know Jo will second me on this and I swear we are not on commission but the book No Big Deal by John Coats is an amazing book. It explains, from the horses mouth, what life is like for an addict and how you can turn it around.
An amazing book, 365 is right you must read it. The author John Coats is a recovering alcoholic that now is a keyworker in London at an addiction centre. His honesty made me cry. Plus I emailed him through his publishers and he personally emailed me back a few days later! Lovely lovely man, very caring
I've just found the email he sent me (the person he was referring to is my friend that had him as her keyworker when she was in rehab, she had lent me his book):
Dear Jo,
Thank you for your kind message. I am very happy that you are finding 'No
Big Deal' useful - and even happier that it has stimulated you into resuming
your recovery. I am confident that, if you follow the suggestions
(especially in the 'Actions' sections after each chapter), you will find the
recovery and the life which you deserve and yearn for.
It is always a great satisfaction to know that No Big Deal is doing the job
for which it is intended. Did ***** tell you that any profits from the sale
of the book are going towards the establishment of a 'recovery community' (a
place where people in various stages of recovery from addictive disease can
live and work together in community). If you recommend the book to anyone
you know who needs it, you will not only help them (hopefully!), you will
also be helping the community (called 'The Address'). The book is available
on Amazon.co.uk
I strongly recommend that you get to as many AA meetings as possible - even
when your head is telling you that it's not for you (especially then!). Feel
free to keep in touch to let me know how you are progressing in your
recovery.
With every good wish to you in your new life,
Yours ever,
John Coats
DFW Nerd no. 496 - Proud to be dealing with my debts!!
Would you say the book is useful for partners to read as well as the person with an addiction. I know what would happen if I gave hubby this book, he'd get all red-faced and cross and storm off.
It's John Coats own story of recovery and takes you through the AA 12 steps and how he dealt with them. Although I'm not an AA go'er (have been but didn't stick), the steps do have meanings outside of the meetings, about how to come to terms with it, how to like yourself again and how to make it up to others amongst other things. I think it's a useful read to get inside the head of a man that writes so well about his own feelings and his feelings for others in his life.
The reason your OH would get red faced and walk away from it is the denial that comes with addictions, it's like being humiliated having to admit that you know you are wrong but it's frightening having to admit and deal with it, I think, and correct me if I'm wrong, I think it would probably be harder for a man to admit defeat to an addiction?
DFW Nerd no. 496 - Proud to be dealing with my debts!!
Interesting thread. My OH has a 'drink problem' - is he an alcoholic? Well I don't know but I do know that his drinking has had a very bad effect on our marriage. He can go some days without drinking but he spends a lot of the weekend drunk, especially Sundays when he is pretty much pi***d from lunchtime onwards.
He drinks on several evenings during the week as well and he can never seem to just have one or two, he always has to drink till he's slurring. He also regularly drinks and drives, which I find incomprehensible. For years now I've expected him to turn up in a police car, and he would lose his job and we would lose our home. He drinks and drives with our children in the car too. The last time I threatened I would report him and that I would divorce him. Also the kids are older now and they try to keep an eye on him (not something they should have to do and what an example to set!). He still drinks and drives on his own though, a LOT.
I hate it. He's not a nice drunk. He's all great fun and jokey down in the pub but obnoxious when he gets home. He eventually falls asleep somewhere, sometimes sitting at the kitchen table. The kids hate it too and always avoid him when he's been drinking. They often ask why he always has to be drunk at every family gathering - he hasn't had a sober Sunday lunch in a decade.
He says he doesn't have a drink problem - it's me that has the problem, I'm no fun any more. Well, I hardly drink at all now because if one person in the house is often drunk, well it puts me off completely. If I dare to suggest he drinks too much, it starts a nasty row (I drive him to drink, I'm a nag, it's the last pleasure he has left in life, he's not an alcoholic.)
Once, my daughter told her Dad he shouldn't have another drink because he was driving home and he sneered 'You sound just like your mother'.
To be honest, I don't know where to turn. There is nothing much left of our marriage because I am so resentful towards him. We never seem to have enough money for anything. I go around the supermarket, and decide against something costing 3.49 because it's too expensive. Yet he drinks several hundred pounds a month.
I'm getting wound up and upset now so I'll stop this rant. I'm amazed how all this poured out, sorry everybody for going on. I've never discussed this properly with anyone.
What you have written could have been my life with my husband five years ago and it was truly terrible ,the children were and still are affected by his drinking days and all three have suffered in one way or another .I would say that your husband is an alcoholic all aspects of his life are affected ,and it could just take one car journey while drunk to totally destroy your life and possibly someone elses . My husband did not drink everyday sometimes it would be weeks but when he did he would binge ,the binge would last days and in someways it was worse than the person who drinks daily as I never knew when the next time would be ,I lived in fear of doing or saying the wrong thing in case I triggered a binge ,the whole family walked on egg shells waiting ,in the end I realised I did not have to do or say anything ,he would cause a row just to go out drinking ,I had no friends ,family were unaware of how bad it was ,and I covered his tracks I took on all the shame I always thought it was my fault .
At the end of the binge nothing was ever said for the fear of setting his anger off ,if ever I mentioned his drinking during sober times he would turn on me and I always felt bad .
In the end I could take no more I reached the end I had him arrested and removed from the home ,went to a solicitor and started divorce proceedings ,slowly he realised I meant what I said ,but no matter how much he promised I would not have him back until he did something to change ,he now goes to the AA and has been for five years ,the change in my family is lovely and at last I can feel normal ,the damage to the children is taking time to repair and even though they are now all adults it is still difficult for them to talk about their childhood .I think the children of alcoholics are the forgotten victims and they seem to go almost unnoticed in the drama of living with the drinking .
I feel for any one going through this and know exactly how it feels and I do feel that there is little support for the family as a whole to cope with all that goes with living with an alcoholic ,i find it helps to just talk to people and not hide what has happened ,I think that is where I went wrong I felt such shame and so alone and thought I was the only one and kept it to myself ,it is suprising to me when talking to people just how many are affected by the problem .
I think this thread is a great idea ,if only in the 25 years of my husbands drinking I had had someone to talk to ,I would have at least not felt so alone .
Hi all .... I have been popping in and out all night ... And reading what everyone has written has given me plenty of food for thought ... I will reply better when I am not on this stupid phone ... But wanted to say thanks very much to everyone that has contributed I don't feel so alone and helpless now ( I still did after al anon the other night I have to admit) ... Hubby is drinking but it's not annoying me as much as sometimes it does ... And he's finally finally learned not to say to me see you soon ... I'll be in bed shortly before leaving it till 5 am staggering in and waking me up .... Tonight he said I won't tell you I'll be in bed soon but I will tell you I love you .... That may sound silly ... But it used to drive me nuts when he did that.... Sleep well and thanks
Replies
its so easy though to develop an issue with alcohol ... you dont even notice it till it's too late (not always admittedly) ... it creeps up on you and before you know it wham its there ... and coming off it isnt easy either ... coming off of alcohol is the only addiction that can kill you ... that's serious stuff ... you can come off of heroin and it doesnt kill you ... you can come off of cigarettes and it doesnt kill you .... but if you are a heavy drinker ... coming off of alcohol can kill you
and i totally agree with you it isnt recognised as much a problem as drugs are ... heroin isnt as dangerous as alcohol and yet heroin is illegal catagory a (i think) even even cannibis that has been proven to have medical benefits is illegal and yet alcohol ... nope legal as legal can be ... in scotland (not sure about england or wales) you can give a child of 5 alcohol and you arnt breaking the law !!!!!! is that all about?
sorry am on a bit of a rant here ... can you tell i used to work with alcohol lol ...
thank you very much for sharing your story with your battle with drink and please please pop in when you can
Just thought I'd pop on and say hi and well done for starting this thread. I hope there are lots of people that will feel that they will be able to contribute, this in itself helps untold amounts of people that lurk and are too shy/ashamed/frightened/whatever to post (which is fine, each to their own
As you know I am an alcoholic and I find it interesting to read stories from the other side of the fence. I've been drinking for 17 years and have had a handful of quits lasting up to 4 months. I've either tried or wanted to quit everyday for at least 8 of those years but the addiction takes over and you no longer have control of your thought process. I would drive 100 miles to find an open off licence but doubt I'd drive more than 10 to avoid it. I can't even describe the feeling of thinking that you need that drink to be able to get through that moment. The mental image of drinking and the thought of drinking and then knowing that you can't causes physical reactions, dry mouth, tight chest, palpitations etc (not in everyone but it's very common). I imagined myself crouched down in the middle of a tornado, can't get out and the noise is thunderous...that's how I'd describe a craving. It can be frightening, it can make you sad, angry and irritable. The minute you have opened the first can or bottle and taken a mouthful, all those emotions disappear, gone, all back to normal and there the circle continues. Something seems to have clicked in me (although I am always cautious, been here before) and am today 13 days sober. I can go back to the old way as quick as you like and I am aware of that.
I so desperately hope that your OH gets his drinking lightbulb moment and bless you for being there for him El.
Take care sweetie, you know where I am if you need anything
xx
i do find it hard sometimes trying to support my husband and the thought of his future if he carries on the way he is just now scares me ... it really does ... and i feel frustrated that sometimes it seems to me like he isnt trying to altleast try and control his drinking even a bit ... but having read what you have written makes me appreciate more now how hard it must be for him sometimes ...
loving someone makes us behave in ways we dont normally behave ...irrational, angry, frustrated, apathetic ... i even tried at one point to drink a tonne load by keeping up with him (for months this went on) thinking if he saw how much i drank maybe he would think ohhh this is alot we need to get a grip ... we do strange things ... and supporting someone that has this issue takes alot out of us ... spiritually mentally and physically .. we can loose ourselves ... i at one point became obsessed ... my life was defined by a liquid i didnt even drink .. how idiotic is that ? but i thought it could work i thought i would make the difference ... i also thought if i loved him enough then i could either fix him or live with it and not get sucked in
please feel free to pop back on whenever you can ... it really helps me (and i am sure others) to try and understand both sides
thank you ... El
It is crazy that nicotine and alcohol are still legal. Unfortunately they raise so much money through taxes that no government would ever touch them. In my life I have tried most street drugs, well the ones that were around in the 80's/90's and haven't got hooked on any of them. I'm a 30 a day smoker and was a very heavy drinker now 1 year and 3 days sober. All my serious relationships have been with other heavy drinkers. Heavy drinkers/alcoholics/alcoholic dependant people, in fact any addict of any drug or behaviour are utterly selfish people. The drug of choice comes before anything. This is hurtful and cruel but it is because addicts are sick, it is a disease that permeates every cell of your body and mind. I know this because now I look back on my past as if it was a totally different person. The trouble is, because in sober moments the things you do in drunken moments come back to haunt you, you do the easiest thing available to you to block them out. Use. Whatever your drug is.
I know Jo will second me on this and I swear we are not on commission but the book No Big Deal by John Coats is an amazing book. It explains, from the horses mouth, what life is like for an addict and how you can turn it around.
My current work means I talk to many people about some deeply personal things. I would say that the vast majority of family/society issues at the moment are down to the 3 D's drink, debt or domestic violence. At least in my area they are.
Thats a little waffle from me, selfishly reading the pain and misery that alcohol is causing in your lives makes my resolve stronger to stay sober.
I can see this thread helping so many people in so many ways.
I am not saying these things to upset you El, I'm trying to help you understand what it was like for me because it could be similar to what your OH is experiencing.
There are many arguments about whether people are to blame for drinking. I went to the GP in 2005 and broke down and told him that I had a drink problem, he asked me how much I drank, I told him and he laughed and said I could drink him under the table. He then said - and I quote - 'just don't buy it then you can't drink it'. The problem in itself starts long before the physical drinking of it, it's the thoughts and feelings that go through your head trying to justify it. As said on here earlier, Jekyll & Hyde, that's what it is, but there is no communication between the two, one runs the place and then the other takes over, it's out of our hands. UNTIL you get a sudden flicker of a lightbulb and you decide to not pick up that day. It's hard El, really f*cking hard. But it is possible, I know that and I just need to perservere and not allow those thoughts to enter my head again.
I just want you to understand that it's the alcohol that's making him do it. It must be so frustrating for you. My MIL was an alcoholic, she'd go on 5 day benders then a week of sleep and my OH got so angry with her, so frustrated. It wasn't her fault.
Some interesting reading.
It wasn't a sudden wake up moment, it was quite gradual, probably started in 2002 when I got pregnant and realised that I couldn't stop drinking even though I knew I was pregnant (I'll probably be flamed for the selfishness of it all from some, but you know what, I've kicked myself enough that it wouldn't bother me). I stopped drinking at 9 weeks pregnant and spent the following 31 weeks dreaming of drinking. The first thing, literally the first thing I did when I got out of hospital was dash over the offy for a couple of cans.
I started drinking at 21 (I'm now 38) and openly drank every day until my OH said something about it and I then started drinking in secret. And so after the pregnancy thing and the fact that I knew I was ashamed of my drinking I knew I had a problem. It took a long time to come to terms with it in my head and I mean years. I know it can be done, been to AA and other alcohol meetings not AA based, have untold friends on the cutting down/quitting drinking thread that have succeeded in either cutting back or stopping.
It has to be the right time though, in your head. If it doesn't feel right then it's unlikely to happen. And it has to come from the alcoholic, I'm sorry but it really is true. Good luck and bless you as well for being there, you wouldn't be posting on here if you didn't care hun. xx
An amazing book, 365 is right you must read it. The author John Coats is a recovering alcoholic that now is a keyworker in London at an addiction centre. His honesty made me cry. Plus I emailed him through his publishers and he personally emailed me back a few days later! Lovely lovely man, very caring
I've just found the email he sent me (the person he was referring to is my friend that had him as her keyworker when she was in rehab, she had lent me his book):
Dear Jo,
Thank you for your kind message. I am very happy that you are finding 'No
Big Deal' useful - and even happier that it has stimulated you into resuming
your recovery. I am confident that, if you follow the suggestions
(especially in the 'Actions' sections after each chapter), you will find the
recovery and the life which you deserve and yearn for.
It is always a great satisfaction to know that No Big Deal is doing the job
for which it is intended. Did ***** tell you that any profits from the sale
of the book are going towards the establishment of a 'recovery community' (a
place where people in various stages of recovery from addictive disease can
live and work together in community). If you recommend the book to anyone
you know who needs it, you will not only help them (hopefully!), you will
also be helping the community (called 'The Address'). The book is available
on Amazon.co.uk
I strongly recommend that you get to as many AA meetings as possible - even
when your head is telling you that it's not for you (especially then!). Feel
free to keep in touch to let me know how you are progressing in your
recovery.
With every good wish to you in your new life,
Yours ever,
John Coats
It's John Coats own story of recovery and takes you through the AA 12 steps and how he dealt with them. Although I'm not an AA go'er (have been but didn't stick), the steps do have meanings outside of the meetings, about how to come to terms with it, how to like yourself again and how to make it up to others amongst other things. I think it's a useful read to get inside the head of a man that writes so well about his own feelings and his feelings for others in his life.
The reason your OH would get red faced and walk away from it is the denial that comes with addictions, it's like being humiliated having to admit that you know you are wrong but it's frightening having to admit and deal with it, I think, and correct me if I'm wrong, I think it would probably be harder for a man to admit defeat to an addiction?
At the end of the binge nothing was ever said for the fear of setting his anger off ,if ever I mentioned his drinking during sober times he would turn on me and I always felt bad .
In the end I could take no more I reached the end I had him arrested and removed from the home ,went to a solicitor and started divorce proceedings ,slowly he realised I meant what I said ,but no matter how much he promised I would not have him back until he did something to change ,he now goes to the AA and has been for five years ,the change in my family is lovely and at last I can feel normal ,the damage to the children is taking time to repair and even though they are now all adults it is still difficult for them to talk about their childhood .I think the children of alcoholics are the forgotten victims and they seem to go almost unnoticed in the drama of living with the drinking .
I feel for any one going through this and know exactly how it feels and I do feel that there is little support for the family as a whole to cope with all that goes with living with an alcoholic ,i find it helps to just talk to people and not hide what has happened ,I think that is where I went wrong I felt such shame and so alone and thought I was the only one and kept it to myself ,it is suprising to me when talking to people just how many are affected by the problem .
I think this thread is a great idea ,if only in the 25 years of my husbands drinking I had had someone to talk to ,I would have at least not felt so alone .