support for those affected by alcohol 27 October 2010 at 3:21PM in Debt free diaries 66 replies 4.8K views

elantan

hi all ,

its not a big secret but i am currently dealing with my husbands alcohol addiction... i have noticed there is a thread on here to help people cut down and give up alcohol and i think that is fantastic ... i have been on the thread several times and been given some great advice for which i am grateful

now i dont think i am alone in dealing with a loved one that has alcohol dependancy issues so i thought it might be a good idea to have a place where those that are affected by alcohol themselves can come and chat laugh , no doubt cry and generally try and look after themselves

elantan

well starting it all off .....

today i have found myself looking for an al anon meeting ... now this is something i never thought i would ever do ... i dont see myself as a typical partner of an alcoholic ... but then what is a typical partner of an alcoholic?... anyway i have been to an online community of al anon and found it very frustrating ... but i am hoping tonight will be much better


edited to add: just told hubby i was going to al anon tonight and as predicted the arguements ensued .... it seems no matter what i say or do it is never any good just now ....

elantan

so ... i went to al anon ... now i am not saying al anon is bad ... but i kinda knew it wasnt for me and my suspicions were well founded ... i know it helps alot of people and that is great ... i am not knocking it ... it just wasnt for me ... but i have been asked to give it 6 meetings so i will go back ... you never know maybe it might grow on me


there is counselling for alcoholics out there but i cant seem to find any for people affected by other peoples addictions ( if that makes any sense) i did look up a counsellor for myself but they charge £45 an hour and i just cant afford that

so as i am sitting here writting this i am wondering if i am alone in the mse world ? am i the only person that has a person in their life that has an alcohol addiction? and if not what other things can i do for me ... well really the list goes on and on about what i am thinking ... but that will be enough for now i think

hypno06

I am sure you are NOT alone, el.....threads like this take time to be established, as people are unsure about whether they should post, come out of lurkdom, or even admit that they are in need of support themselves.

Keep posting your thoughts, though - good and bad, and the thread will develop. If nothing else, it will be a good "haven" for you during these challenging times!!!

se999

El I know mse people aren't physically there, but we are contactable, so if you don't want to post openly on the threads, there is at least friendly support available when and if you need it.

moo2moo

Did you get the touchy feel "its not your fault, theres nothing you can do about it, pretend it isn't happening" approach or the "if you don't like it move out" approach? Both of which made me laugh. Apparently you just have to sit back and wait to see what happens whilst enduring whatever your partners alter ego can throw at you. Its a bit like living with Dr Jeckyl and Mr Hyde. The sober person is lovely whilst the nocturnal bum is just that. I keep hoping there is light at the end of the tunnel and there is but for every step forwards he takes there seem to be another dozen back. I no longer buy alchol for him nor keep him company when he drinks to make him feel better but it doesn't solve the problem. The AA meetings I persuaded him to go to were a waste of time right down to them discussing which the best cheap vodka was prior to the meeting starting.

An awful lot of people end up walking away from relationships because the life of an alcoholic is a destructive one for both them and those around them. I'm still at the stubborn stage where I hope things are salvagable but I'm rapidly losing my respect for the man I love.

There are some support groups out there for families and friends of addicts but I've found them all to be a complete waste of space. I don't want advice on moving out or severing the person from my life. I want a solution I can live with.

Rant over!

elantan

thanks hypno and see ... much appreciated


moo i found quite a few things about al anon that didnt suit me ... but i am very aware that it helps alot of people .... so i am trying to give it the benefit of the doubt just now (if that makes sense)

the reason i thought this thread might be a good idea is because of the lack of support in the real world ... i thought here people that are going through similar things can chat about them or anything ... it doesnt have to always be the drink does it ?

so please feel free to moan, complain, b1tch, laugh (cause us partners of alcoholics can laugh as well ... although it feels like it has been a wee while for me just now) or whatever ... hopefully someone will be able to help if your struggling but there will always be someone reading even if they cant help

moo i think we are at similar stages ... i do love my husband he is my best friend and my lover and i so want his addiction not to split us ... i am stubborn like you .. but also like you i am slowly losing my respect for the man i love ... i dont know what i can do about that ... i do know though i need to look after me now ... i have tried so many many things now and none of them seem to work ... so i have to be selfish i have to look after me ...

and on that note ... it is time to plant the garlic ... now this is a silly thing to even be thinking about ... but ... as i am sure a few of you know i have giving hubby till jan to start to get in control of his drinking and not put it before me so what has this got to do with garlic .. well ... the garlic is due to be planted just now but it isnt ready to harvest till july ... so if the january headline doesnt see any changes then effectively i could be moving outa here and that would mean that the garlic wont be harvested by me ... and i wanna harvest my garlic lol

it's crazy the thoughts that go through your head when you are thinking about the future ... it almost stops you from making any decisions... it can be something small like garlic but it still makes you wonder about the future ... but the garlic will be planted and if i dont get to harvest it then i will let the new owners of my house know about it and they can either choose to harvest it or not

WISHIWASRICH_2

You might get more interest in your thread on another board? Relationships might be a good one?

elantan

thanks you may be right ... but i like it here .. it feels safe


edited to add: i think though this might be the right place ... the cutting down giving up thread is now on number nine ... it seems to be helping alot of people on this board ... my hope is this will be the same for those that need it

mrscmr

hello....

this is an interesting thread becos not many people consider the other side of alcohol addiction.. that is the people who lives with the addict.

hmmm, i guess that i am also someone whose other half has a drink issue. i would say that he couldnt go a day without drinking and that would be my way of measuring its an addiction. he isnt violent, or horrid or anything bad, he just drinks to make the real world 'softer and blurry' i guess - which ends up in me being the grownup in the relationship whilst he blissfully drifts through life... perhaps that is why we have got to this stage in life and why we have financial issues [are dealing with] - saying all this he has a highly paid and well respected job but after work, drinks its always been the case and i doubt will ever change.

elantan

mrscmr wrote: »

hello....

this is an interesting thread becos not many people consider the other side of alcohol addiction.. that is the people who lives with the addict.

hmmm, i guess that i am also someone whose other half has a drink issue. i would say that he couldnt go a day without drinking and that would be my way of measuring its an addiction. he isnt violent, or horrid or anything bad, he just drinks to make the real world 'softer and blurry' i guess - which ends up in me being the grownup in the relationship whilst he blissfully drifts through life... perhaps that is why we have got to this stage in life and why we have financial issues [are dealing with] - saying all this he has a highly paid and well respected job but after work, drinks its always been the case and i doubt will ever change.

you bring up very valid points (in my opinion) i have found in my quest of dealing my husbands drinking that there is support out there for the alcoholic other than AA my hubby is currently waiting to recieve counselling for instance ... however as those affected by his drinking there seems to be only al anon ... hence the reason i went last night ... other than that it is £45 an hour for counselling for me (but i am gonna keep searching and see if i can get it via work or something)

with alcohol yes the person that drinks (alot) is greatly affected i am not saying other wise ... but it is ripples in a pond .... both our son and myself are affected by his choices we walk on egg shells hoping he is in a good mood ... and outside of that it affects our friends ... they have to be aware of what is happening etc ... the effects are less the further out the ripple you go ... but they are still there

how do you define and alcoholic though ... i mean what for every person is an alcoholic ? i think everyone has their own idea of what one is ... but what i have learned more than anything is ... it doesnt matter what label you want to give it ... it if affects people then it affects people ... no matter if you want to call it a pink purple elephant or an alcoholic .. the label is virtually insignificant the effects however are not