support for those affected by alcohol
in Debt free diaries
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I am responding to your comments as you could have been writing about me.
The regulars on the giving up/ cutting down thread are aware of my story so this is a (very) short version.
Many years ago my wife was advised to accept, change, or leave. She eventually left and we had a 50/50 clean break divorce.
For the first time in my life I was living on my own.
I could drink whenever and whatever I wanted. No nagging wife or alienated children getting on my back.
Paradise lasted for about nine months before I was admitted to hospital as an emergency patient and given a 50% chance of survival. It was to take two months in hospital/rehab before I would accept that I was an alcoholic.
On the driving issues I had my licence suspended for six months by the DVLA, not because of any traffic offences, but because I had been treated for alcoholism.
Many members of AA have arrived there because of driving related problems.
After so many years of abuse by me the process of bridge building with my ex and children is a very slow process but I do believe that time is a great healer.
In my five years of sobriety I have met many members of Al-Anon. They are real people who will be able to indentify with every word that you have posted.
I wish you well in your journey to peace and freedom.
Some methods A.A. members have used for not drinking.
"A simple book for complicated people"
I think the shame comes from your own feelings of failure ,somehow I felt I was responsible for what was happening maybe if I was a better wife then it would not be happening ,if i did things differently its hard to put into words why I felt the way I did .i was well aware the neighbour's would hear the rows and see him staggering around ,he used to hide his drink in the bin next door ,the children played a game with their cousins it was finding the hidden drink supply ,it made me feel so ashamed I would hide myself away and try to ignore people I knew it was the not knowing what they had seen or heard ,he has a good and responsible job and I lived in dread of being invited out to functions I knew how it would always end I would plead with him not to drink and he always promised not to ,but the moment we arrived he would start and as the evening wore on he would get louder and louder ,if I said anything I would just get put downs no matter who was listening ,at one do it was pulling a young woman onto his lap and announcing that he would trade me in for a younger model ,it was not so much what he said but the look of pity on others faces and how small I felt ,and then later in the hotel room trying to sleep on the floor by the door of the room just in case he tried to leave the room to get more drink ,and the fear of him driving the car to find drink ,I would hide the car keys and then he would get angry and push me around while he tried to find them ,at times like that I would be very afraid of what he would do and as the years went on he would get more abusive ,so a pattern began I tried to control his drinking and he would fight against this ,it got to the point where I would take the children and sit in a park all night sometimes because I was afraid of what he would do ,as the children got older my son from the age of 12 would try and defend me and would confront him ,now when I think of this I realize that how wrong this was and that i should have walked away and got help ,the children suffered terribly and all three suffer from lack of confidence and are at times very unsure of themselves their childhoods that should have been happy and secure were far from it ,I think that as an adult I could have done much more to protect them ,but I felt I had no where to go and could tell no one how bad it was I always lived in the hope that that binge would be the last .
its horrible watching it it really is ... but over the years i have learned when the next stage is coming and i have learned to behave accordingly ... its strange i was thinking last night about a time when we went to visit a fellow mse'r and stayed the night with her family ... they are wonderful people ... anyway hubby and i had had a discussion about him having an addiction and he was at the stage where he was adamant he didnt so was gonna stay dry a week to prove it ... to which i replied a week you can do no porblem do a month .... so he said right i am gonna do a month ... anyway our holiday was planned during that month and we were staying with a fellow mse'r ....i phoned said mse'r and explained that hubby was an alcoholic and that i would much prefer it if he wasnt offered a lager while we stayed ... i had no right to do that but i was that panicking about things .... incidently he was a dry drunk that holiday ? anyone had experience of a dry drunk ? man they are almost more annoying that a drunk ... he lasted 28 days
i have more to share but will do so later ... have fun and take care everyone
An alcoholic will do anything to justify that drink, it's not just for your benefit but for the drinker too, it helps with the guilt i.e. sunny pub lunch, social occasion, angry, sad, happy, hot toddy by the fire, nice with a take away, relaxing after a stressful day, sharing a bottle of wine over a nice dinner (possibly another one being secretly drunk too?).
I had a 2 week detox in 2006 and remained sober for 30 days, I wasn't ready to quit, it was the alcohol service that pushed me in to it. Didn't want to stop, hated every minute. Was fine during the detox as I was spaced out on librium for 10 days but then had nothing to back up on and was the most miserable dry drunk there ever was...thought about drink 24/7 and was so sad, distressed and drowning in self pity. I was relieved to have a drink on day 31 and I think everyone around me was too....
I don't want to appear to be taking over your thread (I'm known for that ) xx