exactly my thoughts... if you notice i do not say that he is an 'alcoholic' as by some standards he 'isnt' but im someone who rarely drinks... as i prefer to see life how it is and deal with it best i can, i know why he drinks, and he does drink less than he did 5 yrs ago. he had a scare with a liver virus which had him in hospital and he thought he was dying, but that even didnt change him. i dont think he realises how it affects me and the kids - i suspect it would put them off drinking for life!
Highest Debt £581,000 Nov 08 and now owe nothing! yes really! I have learnt my lesson the hard way! :heart2:Ebay Challenge 2011 - Still supporting from afar! Long haulers supporters DFW #223
CAnt comment el but just posting some virtual support.
Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14. **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** MFW. Finally mortgage free February 2021**** "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park. ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb. It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
***Keep plodding*** Out of debt, out of danger.***Be the difference.***
thanks beanie ... all support gratefully recieved by all going through similar i am sure ...
i know where your coming from mrs mcr ... depending on who you talk to my hubby either is or isnt an alcoholic .... i have worked with alcohol addiction and drug addiction etc in my work life so that probably doesnt help ... i have worked with people that are ALOT worse than my hubby is .... but just because i have doesnt mean that he doesnt have an issue (and therefore i have an issue)
i was hoping (in vain) that when my husband saw a relative of his die in agony in a hospital bed through the drink he would say right thats it i need to stop .... when this relative was dying it was quite interesting (not him dying ) the reactions from certain family memebers ... hubby's parent for example will deny their son has an issue ... no he doesnt have a drink issue el he is just like every one else ... and yet when said relative was dying son was taken there (by parents) and made to visit every day to watch the slow agonising death and asked things like wouldnt that be such a horrible way to die ?.... other people wernt ...
so to me that indicates that they know he has a drink problem ... they just dont want to recognise it or talk about it ... which is alot like some parts in society
so i finally just got a hold of a counsellor connected to my work ... i get 6 sessions for free ... at first she was well you will need to be on a waiting list etc ... then i told her what i was needing support with and she changed almost instantly ... she has taken all my details and she will phone me on monday with an appt ... she was very interested to know that i wasnt phoning to deal with hubby but to deal with my relationship to his alcohol use/abuse ... she said she was delighted to hear that i wanted to deal with me .. to which i replied (kinda confused) who else could i deal with?... anyway next week am looking forward to it ... time to help get my head sorted
copied this from my diary
mrs mcr, moo is this anything you have thought about trying ?
Highest Debt £581,000 Nov 08 and now owe nothing! yes really! I have learnt my lesson the hard way! :heart2:Ebay Challenge 2011 - Still supporting from afar! Long haulers supporters DFW #223
Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14. **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** MFW. Finally mortgage free February 2021**** "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park. ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb. It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
***Keep plodding*** Out of debt, out of danger.***Be the difference.***
Just popping in to say hello. Great idea for a thread, I'm sure there will be many people along to share their experiences.
Great news on the counselling. Hope it goes well for you.
Well done on going to Al Anon. I know you were initially very against the idea so bravo for you for giving it a go. Hope it proves to be helpful in the long run and if it isn't at least you know you tried!.
Good luck with everything.
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Living with alcohol excess is so difficult & unpredictable. It is adrug & IMO is still not given the recognition for its all consuming addictive nature. It changes personalities & wrecks lives.
Personally I have battled over the years with drink & finally managed to break free last year. However I lived for many years with someone who would drink a half bottle of whisky a night - brought on by stress of the debt situation . I did not know him in the end & (there were many other issues) I could not continue in that relationship.
Be strong Hun....I admire what you are doing & will pop in whenever I can....support makes all the difference.
Elantan my dad was a violent alcoholic a long time ago, now he is nice again. I didn't ever think he would change. He is a bit controlling but not violent so there is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope the counselling helps. Good luck, sw.
peace and freedom ... this thread is here for you to pour it all out if thats what you want ... dont apologise you have nothing to apologise for .... you are living in a stressful situation and doing the best that you can remember that ...
i cant sit here and tell you what to do i wish i could (i would know then for myself) but i (and others i am sure) can listen ... it isnt much but we are here for you ... i did notice a few things that you said resonated with me ... for instance it is me that has the drink problem in our house ... not hubby ... strange that
i will ask a few questions if i may ... please dont feel you have to answer them ... please dont feel that if you do decide to answer them that you have to share them ... you dont .. its all up to you
where do you see your and your family's future if this continues?
do you want that future?
where (if not where you are just now) would you like you and your families future to be?
how long do you think you can handle things the way they are just now?
i ask these questions as i have asked myself them and it made me think about alot of things ... i dont want what i have now i am happy in many many ways but it has issues there are things that need sorted ...
i have also came to realise that i cant solve my husband issue for him ... much as i would love to ... he has to do that (and he is trying ) ... i have came to realise i need to sort me ... i need to understand what affect his choice to drink has had on me ... i need to learn to put me first(although tbh i am not too bad at this one) ... my wants and desires .. i am a valid person i am a good person i am a worthy person of love and affection ... but i need to understand for my why this issue has came up
i also need to be able to almost re-learn how to be the wife of a non alcoholic if he chooses to deal with his drinking and does ... thats something i hadnt thought about till things came to a head ... i behave in reaction to his behaviour and i am used to behaving in a certain way ... i am used to thinking in a certain way ... i need to re-learn how to change my behaviour if he chooses to give up
alot of people dont see what goes on behind closed doors ... people see our partners all jokey and laughing in the pub and dont know the heartache that goes on at home ... (i again am very lucky( ha ha) in the sense that my husband drinks at home (to save money) and 99% of the time is the happy drunk ... but one that does slurr his speach and fall about he has broken both toes strained one of his intercostal muscles the list really goes on and on with the things he has done to himself) the abusiveness that comes from having that one too many ... the hurt it causes ... the ripples in the pond
and the amount of energy that goes into helping the person with the problem almost to the detriment of those that have loved and supported him/her (cause let's all be honest alcohol doesnt give a toss what gender you are)
have you tried the doctor for support for you ? have you thought about al anon ? is there any counselling services in your area? (just found out the place hubby has applied for counselling deff does council those affected by drinking as well as the drinker ... (but it is not for me to go there ... it wouldnt be fair on the counsellors or the hubby or me) ... does your work give counselling? i found this handy ... it is the route i am going down ... i could sit here and be embarrassed because i have had to discuss things with my work and they need to know some of my personal family business ... but you know what i need help and that overides any embarrasment i may (or may not) feel
if i can help in any way and you dont want it public please please feel free to get my by p.m
Replies
:heart2:Ebay Challenge 2011 - Still supporting from afar!
Long haulers supporters DFW #223
**Credit card debt free 30/06/10~**
MFW. Finally mortgage free February 2021****
"A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
***Keep plodding*** Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
i know where your coming from mrs mcr ... depending on who you talk to my hubby either is or isnt an alcoholic .... i have worked with alcohol addiction and drug addiction etc in my work life so that probably doesnt help ... i have worked with people that are ALOT worse than my hubby is .... but just because i have doesnt mean that he doesnt have an issue (and therefore i have an issue)
i was hoping (in vain) that when my husband saw a relative of his die in agony in a hospital bed through the drink he would say right thats it i need to stop .... when this relative was dying it was quite interesting (not him dying ) the reactions from certain family memebers ... hubby's parent for example will deny their son has an issue ... no he doesnt have a drink issue el he is just like every one else ... and yet when said relative was dying son was taken there (by parents) and made to visit every day to watch the slow agonising death and asked things like wouldnt that be such a horrible way to die ?.... other people wernt ...
so to me that indicates that they know he has a drink problem ... they just dont want to recognise it or talk about it ... which is alot like some parts in society
copied this from my diary
mrs mcr, moo is this anything you have thought about trying ?
good luck x
:heart2:Ebay Challenge 2011 - Still supporting from afar!
Long haulers supporters DFW #223
**Credit card debt free 30/06/10~**
MFW. Finally mortgage free February 2021****
"A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
***Keep plodding*** Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
Great news on the counselling. Hope it goes well for you.
Well done on going to Al Anon. I know you were initially very against the idea so bravo for you for giving it a go. Hope it proves to be helpful in the long run and if it isn't at least you know you tried!.
Good luck with everything.
Living with alcohol excess is so difficult & unpredictable. It is adrug & IMO is still not given the recognition for its all consuming addictive nature. It changes personalities & wrecks lives.
Personally I have battled over the years with drink & finally managed to break free last year. However I lived for many years with someone who would drink a half bottle of whisky a night - brought on by stress of the debt situation . I did not know him in the end & (there were many other issues) I could not continue in that relationship.
Be strong Hun....I admire what you are doing & will pop in whenever I can....support makes all the difference.
Angiexx
i cant sit here and tell you what to do i wish i could (i would know then for myself) but i (and others i am sure) can listen ... it isnt much but we are here for you ... i did notice a few things that you said resonated with me ... for instance it is me that has the drink problem in our house ... not hubby ... strange that
i will ask a few questions if i may ... please dont feel you have to answer them ... please dont feel that if you do decide to answer them that you have to share them ... you dont .. its all up to you
where do you see your and your family's future if this continues?
do you want that future?
where (if not where you are just now) would you like you and your families future to be?
how long do you think you can handle things the way they are just now?
i ask these questions as i have asked myself them and it made me think about alot of things ... i dont want what i have now i am happy in many many ways but it has issues there are things that need sorted ...
i have also came to realise that i cant solve my husband issue for him ... much as i would love to ... he has to do that (and he is trying ) ... i have came to realise i need to sort me ... i need to understand what affect his choice to drink has had on me ... i need to learn to put me first(although tbh i am not too bad at this one) ... my wants and desires .. i am a valid person i am a good person i am a worthy person of love and affection ... but i need to understand for my why this issue has came up
i also need to be able to almost re-learn how to be the wife of a non alcoholic if he chooses to deal with his drinking and does ... thats something i hadnt thought about till things came to a head ... i behave in reaction to his behaviour and i am used to behaving in a certain way ... i am used to thinking in a certain way ... i need to re-learn how to change my behaviour if he chooses to give up
alot of people dont see what goes on behind closed doors ... people see our partners all jokey and laughing in the pub and dont know the heartache that goes on at home ... (i again am very lucky( ha ha) in the sense that my husband drinks at home (to save money) and 99% of the time is the happy drunk ... but one that does slurr his speach and fall about he has broken both toes strained one of his intercostal muscles the list really goes on and on with the things he has done to himself) the abusiveness that comes from having that one too many ... the hurt it causes ... the ripples in the pond
and the amount of energy that goes into helping the person with the problem almost to the detriment of those that have loved and supported him/her (cause let's all be honest alcohol doesnt give a toss what gender you are)
have you tried the doctor for support for you ? have you thought about al anon ? is there any counselling services in your area? (just found out the place hubby has applied for counselling deff does council those affected by drinking as well as the drinker ... (but it is not for me to go there ... it wouldnt be fair on the counsellors or the hubby or me) ... does your work give counselling? i found this handy ... it is the route i am going down ... i could sit here and be embarrassed because i have had to discuss things with my work and they need to know some of my personal family business ... but you know what i need help and that overides any embarrasment i may (or may not) feel
if i can help in any way and you dont want it public please please feel free to get my by p.m