My husband would try to make me drink ,he would buy a bottle of wine and a bunch of flowers and because I knew that not only would there be a bottle of wine but also a bottle of spirits hidden somewhere I would refuse the wine ,would tell him I would have it later on with my dinner ,this would be met with the fact that I was ungratefull and a nag ,and that would be his excuse to hit the spirit bottle that was hidden away somewhere .I could never win because if I drank the wine he would then tell me he would take the dogs for a walk ,he would come back later very drunk and swaying and tell me he had not had a drop and that I was mad and it was my imagination and that he had only had a glass of wine . There is no reasoning with an alcoholic ,he would drink because he was happy ,it would be because he was unhappy any excuse .
I would tip the drink down the sink but he would go out and buy more his favorite was to fill litre milk bottles with a mixed concoction of drink ,one day I found one of these and he swore blind it was urine ,he hid it under the seats in the car hence the battle of the car keys ,he would phone me from railway tracks where he would take the car so he could drink ,I would then get rambling phone calls that he had had enough and that I did not understand ,he would say he was going to kill himself ,I am ashamed to say that there are times when I wished he would ,part of me was always relieved when he came back in the door , I always hoped he would just sleep it off ,I lived in fear that he would not and that the insults would start .
Sue, that's a very sad story and I can see myself in your husband
Another thing I used to do (every day) was make sure I had non-alcoholic beer in the house so that when OH asked if I was drinking I'd say it was the smell of the alcohol free stuff
I've also done the obvious by when I've finished my stash I'd swig from OH's vokda that he doesn't touch from one month to the next. He then decided he was going to have some and stuck it in the freezer and couldn't understand why half had frozen and half hadn't....it was because I used to top it up with water I said it was because it was Mr T's value brand....
DFW Nerd no. 496 - Proud to be dealing with my debts!!
just wanted to add something frm my experience... when we had money... i mean a huge income for both of us... my OH would easily spend £1800 a month in the pub... yes thats the size of our mortgage! how absolutely shocking is that:( and infact even when we started the debt probs he would still spend at this level. makes me so angry to think he basically p1ssed the money down the drain
Highest Debt £581,000 Nov 08 and now owe nothing! yes really! I have learnt my lesson the hard way! :heart2:Ebay Challenge 2011 - Still supporting from afar! Long haulers supporters DFW #223
just wanted to add something frm my experience... when we had money... i mean a huge income for both of us... my OH would easily spend £1800 a month in the pub... yes thats the size of our mortgage! how absolutely shocking is that:( and infact even when we started the debt probs he would still spend at this level. makes me so angry to think he basically p1ssed the money down the drain
Meant to ask Mrscmr - are you still with your OH? Did the drinking stop?
Hey all just checking in .... Have had a very busy weekend been to the nature park with my nephew for some haloween fun then went on a date with hubby and today got up and climbed a stunning hill ... I have also unravelled ( finally ) the reason why I have such an issue with hubby drinking ... It feels like a huge dark cloud has lifted ... Yes the alcohol still needs to be dealt with ( if he chooses to deal with it that is) but for me I have a much better understanding of my issue with his drinking... Will share it with anyone f u think it might help
Anyway am on this stupid Phone again ... Gonna get some sleep ... Take care and I will catch u all tomorrow
Hey all just checking in .... Have had a very busy weekend been to the nature park with my nephew for some haloween fun then went on a date with hubby and today got up and climbed a stunning hill ... I have also unravelled ( finally ) the reason why I have such an issue with hubby drinking ... It feels like a huge dark cloud has lifted ... Yes the alcohol still needs to be dealt with ( if he chooses to deal with it that is) but for me I have a much better understanding of my issue with his drinking... Will share it with anyone f u think it might help
still with OH, drinking will never stop until he admits it himself. even collapsing whilst away from home, thinking he was dying, the hospital telling him not to drink didnt make any difference.
i battle alone but i guess thats my choice.
Highest Debt £581,000 Nov 08 and now owe nothing! yes really! I have learnt my lesson the hard way! :heart2:Ebay Challenge 2011 - Still supporting from afar! Long haulers supporters DFW #223
just put of bed for the second time today .... having a knackered shoulder can really make a person not sleep well
well this thing that i have finally came to realise about myself .... i think its thanks to a combination of making this appointment and writting and reading here that i have came to understand this .... there are certain times i am ok with hubby drinking ... and certain times i am like a mad woman about his drinking and it doesnt really send him the right signals .... if i am ok with it then he thinks i dont have an issue and its ok for him to consume more .... and if i am going nuts about it he is like ... but i am drinking the same as lask week you didnt have an issue then
now i reckon in a bizzare way this alcohol issue is kinda like having a kid .... you can't scold the kid one time and be ok the next for doing the exact same thing can you really ...
anyway .. what i have came to understand is ... that when i am going nuts its because i see (subliminally/subconciously) some kinda behaviour in him that i have seen before in the people i have worked with .... as i said previously i have worked with alcohol drugs etc etc and i have seen first hand the devestation that it can cause for both them and their families ... i have been sitting with a person when their liver etc is so toxic and the body just wants to expell the toxins... they have collapsed in a pile of their own excrement and are unable to get back up so have to sit in this pile till i get help ... i have watched as their young ones look pleading at me with hopeful eyes that i can sort mummy or daddy (yep young kids... but also older ones) out ... and i think i subliminally registered alot of behaviours during that time ... and when i then went home and hubby maybe had a drink and did one slight thing that reminded me of that my brain (subconciously) took me back to my work and i went "oh !!!!!!! hell no" etc etc ... so i would get really angry and start throwing a wobbly cause there is no way that i was (will) have that kinda life for me or my son ....
so what that has taught me is that i need to be consistent with my approach to his drinking .... so that he gets a consistent message that it is unnaceptable and that i will leave if there is no improvement (although i will admit he has been trying an awful lot more recently ... now that he knows i am serious this time) ... i also need to be aware that at times when i feel like really flying off the handle and going nuts that this is because of what i have seen in my working life ... but that it isnt what will happen to me ... that i will not allow it to happen to me
went out on a date on saturday and i told hubby about what i had discovered he reassured me that he wont allow it go like this (yeah like he has control right now eh) and that he understands now why sometimes i go nuts ... he understands i am scared ...
then the next day we sat and had a chat and i think something hit home ... because he explained that after i had told him what i had he had a think and he is starting to recognise certain things about him self ... he thinks he could be self sabotaging ... he thinks this could in part be due to always being told as a child he was useless and worthless ... and this in adult hood has affected him ... he said "El i love you and have an almost perfect life ... i have a life that people can only dream about having ... and yet i am destroying it ... almost because i dont believe i am worth it ... so that i can say yeah you were right all along i am worthless "
so things have slowly been happening here today at 9.15 am i had the counsellor on the phone telling me she had contacted the guy and that he will contact me and saying you know we will see you through this ... i almost felt like saying ... actually i came a huge huge step at the weekend and i think were ok now ... but i am going .... i need to see this through ... hubby needs to know i am serious this time .... and maybe i can learn some new ways to tackle this issue
still with OH, drinking will never stop until he admits it himself. even collapsing whilst away from home, thinking he was dying, the hospital telling him not to drink didnt make any difference.
i battle alone but i guess thats my choice.
we all make choices mrs mcr ... we all decide to do what we think is right .... it is such a lonely time isnt it ? i think that was one of the reasons i started this ... i was frustrated at the amount of support out there for people other than the alcoholic ... al anon was all i could really find .... and i know it isnt going to be for everyone (and i dont think it will be for me either)
but i do now know that thankfully (in a very selfish way) but sadly i am not totally alone
nope, ele not alone.. im sure there are so many people out there like u an me ! x
Highest Debt £581,000 Nov 08 and now owe nothing! yes really! I have learnt my lesson the hard way! :heart2:Ebay Challenge 2011 - Still supporting from afar! Long haulers supporters DFW #223
Replies
I would tip the drink down the sink but he would go out and buy more his favorite was to fill litre milk bottles with a mixed concoction of drink ,one day I found one of these and he swore blind it was urine ,he hid it under the seats in the car hence the battle of the car keys ,he would phone me from railway tracks where he would take the car so he could drink ,I would then get rambling phone calls that he had had enough and that I did not understand ,he would say he was going to kill himself ,I am ashamed to say that there are times when I wished he would ,part of me was always relieved when he came back in the door , I always hoped he would just sleep it off ,I lived in fear that he would not and that the insults would start .
Another thing I used to do (every day) was make sure I had non-alcoholic beer in the house so that when OH asked if I was drinking I'd say it was the smell of the alcohol free stuff
I've also done the obvious by when I've finished my stash I'd swig from OH's vokda that he doesn't touch from one month to the next. He then decided he was going to have some and stuck it in the freezer and couldn't understand why half had frozen and half hadn't....it was because I used to top it up with water
:heart2:Ebay Challenge 2011 - Still supporting from afar!
Long haulers supporters DFW #223
Meant to ask Mrscmr - are you still with your OH? Did the drinking stop?
Anyway am on this stupid Phone again ... Gonna get some sleep ... Take care and I will catch u all tomorrow
Yes, please share.
i battle alone but i guess thats my choice.
:heart2:Ebay Challenge 2011 - Still supporting from afar!
Long haulers supporters DFW #223
well this thing that i have finally came to realise about myself .... i think its thanks to a combination of making this appointment and writting and reading here that i have came to understand this .... there are certain times i am ok with hubby drinking ... and certain times i am like a mad woman about his drinking and it doesnt really send him the right signals .... if i am ok with it then he thinks i dont have an issue and its ok for him to consume more .... and if i am going nuts about it he is like ... but i am drinking the same as lask week you didnt have an issue then
now i reckon in a bizzare way this alcohol issue is kinda like having a kid .... you can't scold the kid one time and be ok the next for doing the exact same thing can you really ...
anyway .. what i have came to understand is ... that when i am going nuts its because i see (subliminally/subconciously) some kinda behaviour in him that i have seen before in the people i have worked with .... as i said previously i have worked with alcohol drugs etc etc and i have seen first hand the devestation that it can cause for both them and their families ... i have been sitting with a person when their liver etc is so toxic and the body just wants to expell the toxins... they have collapsed in a pile of their own excrement and are unable to get back up so have to sit in this pile till i get help ... i have watched as their young ones look pleading at me with hopeful eyes that i can sort mummy or daddy (yep young kids... but also older ones) out ... and i think i subliminally registered alot of behaviours during that time ... and when i then went home and hubby maybe had a drink and did one slight thing that reminded me of that my brain (subconciously) took me back to my work and i went "oh !!!!!!! hell no" etc etc ... so i would get really angry and start throwing a wobbly cause there is no way that i was (will) have that kinda life for me or my son ....
so what that has taught me is that i need to be consistent with my approach to his drinking .... so that he gets a consistent message that it is unnaceptable and that i will leave if there is no improvement (although i will admit he has been trying an awful lot more recently ... now that he knows i am serious this time) ... i also need to be aware that at times when i feel like really flying off the handle and going nuts that this is because of what i have seen in my working life ... but that it isnt what will happen to me ... that i will not allow it to happen to me
went out on a date on saturday and i told hubby about what i had discovered he reassured me that he wont allow it go like this (yeah like he has control right now eh) and that he understands now why sometimes i go nuts ... he understands i am scared ...
then the next day we sat and had a chat and i think something hit home ... because he explained that after i had told him what i had he had a think and he is starting to recognise certain things about him self ... he thinks he could be self sabotaging ... he thinks this could in part be due to always being told as a child he was useless and worthless ... and this in adult hood has affected him ... he said "El i love you and have an almost perfect life ... i have a life that people can only dream about having ... and yet i am destroying it ... almost because i dont believe i am worth it ... so that i can say yeah you were right all along i am worthless "
so things have slowly been happening here today at 9.15 am i had the counsellor on the phone telling me she had contacted the guy and that he will contact me and saying you know we will see you through this ... i almost felt like saying ... actually i came a huge huge step at the weekend and i think were ok now ... but i am going .... i need to see this through ... hubby needs to know i am serious this time .... and maybe i can learn some new ways to tackle this issue
we all make choices mrs mcr ... we all decide to do what we think is right .... it is such a lonely time isnt it ? i think that was one of the reasons i started this ... i was frustrated at the amount of support out there for people other than the alcoholic ... al anon was all i could really find .... and i know it isnt going to be for everyone (and i dont think it will be for me either)
but i do now know that thankfully (in a very selfish way) but sadly i am not totally alone
:heart2:Ebay Challenge 2011 - Still supporting from afar!
Long haulers supporters DFW #223