My partner has left home with our son

damsidebear

rpc wrote: »

You may have already done this, but why not write to the new school and have them tell you when he started and also why they accepted the registration without your permission. You could also get a letter from the old school with the date he was removed and the way that was done.

If your ex tries to lie, those letters should reveal the lie and, in any case, should reflect that she withdrew him from education.

My kids aren't in school yet, but I don't think it needs both parents signatures. The forms I have seen just have a space for "Parent/Carer" There may be a declaration she has signed untruthfully. You should be entitled to a copy of that form.

I can't imagine how much it hurts, but use the time from now until the hearing to build your case. You need to be patient and keep your dignity, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't walk in with enough ammunition to blast her into orbit.

Hopelass wrote: »

Hello
I've read through your whole thread and I really feel for you, you are obviously a caring, well adjusted dad who I think any son would be proud of. I can't offer much advice as I don't have kids myself (Yet!) my parents got divorced when I was two and my dad didn't even turn up to the court hearing! Humph!

Anyway, all I can offer is that in my job I deal with kids everyday, particularly those who are in such situations and for what it might be worth, missing school AND missing hospital appointments will go against your ex. I work on the medical side of things and failing to attend a hospital appointment (or more than one) in my experience does not look good for the parent caring for the child at the time; in fact many missed appointments can be considered as "neglect".

I wish you lots of luck OP.

Thank you both for your kind words and advice it truly is appreciated, i now have been informed that there is a childrens hearing set for the end of April, which again is some time to wait but so be it, An open question is this is it worth my while going ahead with the hearing or can i simply bypass it and request a court hearing? i reason i ask is i know she is not for budging and wants residency of our son so it will be a stalemate! and will then go to court regardless. Or if i did request a court case and not want a hearing does it then reflect badly on me? it's just all the time everything is taking.

She has also refused me from seeing my son over the easter holidays as we had agreed sometime ago!

Mrs_Imp

I just want to wish you all the best for your hearing.

As others have said, build your case and get your ammunition ready. In the meantime you must be as reasonable as you possibly can be and keep a record of all the times she has been unreasonable.

I suspect that the schools made the false assumption that as the mother she has PR. You must make sure you write to them, as if this is the case, they need to change their policies to make sure it doesn't happen in the future.

In the meantime, get him an Easter 'egg' (maybe not a chocolate one, but a small token of some sort) so that when you next see him he will know that he's not been forgotten and you love him very much.

damsidebear

Mrs_Imp wrote: »

I just want to wish you all the best for your hearing.

As others have said, build your case and get your ammunition ready. In the meantime you must be as reasonable as you possibly can be and keep a record of all the times she has been unreasonable.

I suspect that the schools made the false assumption that as the mother she has PR. You must make sure you write to them, as if this is the case, they need to change their policies to make sure it doesn't happen in the future.

In the meantime, get him an Easter 'egg' (maybe not a chocolate one, but a small token of some sort) so that when you next see him he will know that he's not been forgotten and you love him very much.

Thank you Mrs Imp, much appreciated and very touching comments.

Can anyone help with my question/dilema in post 252?

damsidebear

*Bump* Anyone?

flutterby_lil

You need legal advice for that really.

princessdreamer

As far as residency if the child is happy and settled with the mother you don't have much hope in changing the status quo.

When I registered my daughter for school, no-one asked about her father or what he wanted. The LEA application and the school in question both accepted the forms from myself.

rpc

princessdreamer wrote: »

As far as residency if the child is happy and settled with the mother you don't have much hope in changing the status quo.

That must work both ways though - the mother changed the status quo by taking over residency without discussion. If that were true, there would be nothing to stop the dad walking into school and removing the child back to their house and making that the new status quo. I really can't believe that a court would recognise ping-pong "kidnapping" and deem that the last person to take the child had residence?

It seems to me that the status quo was residence with damsidebear and visiting the mother most weekends (post 207). Seeing as damsidebear launched legal action when the child was not returned to him, the new situation could never been interpreted as creating a new (unchangeable) status quo.

neneromanova

rpc wrote: »

That must work both ways though - the mother changed the status quo by taking over residency without discussion. If that were true, there would be nothing to stop the dad walking into school and removing the child back to their house and making that the new status quo. I really can't believe that a court would recognise ping-pong "kidnapping" and deem that the last person to take the child had residence?

See I can't understand this either, Why can't the OP just go and collect him from school and take him back to his. It's not kidnapping as all his things are back at OP's house...

Ellejmorgan

I know quite a lot about residency orders/contact orders but this is in England..
My ex didn't want to be a father but changed his mind when our child was 3, he was awarded 3 hours of contact per month minimum..It is at my descretion, he has been offered the children for half of each school holiday..

We got back together a few years ago and have another baby but he left me when I was pregnant, he has parental responsibilty for both children but with the eldest he cannot remove her from my care as I have a residency order, if he takes her again he will be arrested..

Judges don't usually look at small details like hospital appointments, unless it's a life threatening condition they look at the bigger picture..
They look at who has raised the child, who has been the main caregiver..
Also not sure if I read this right but did you say your child is 4 ?? if so in England a child is not obliged to attend any form of education until the term after their 5th birthday..so nursery attendance wouldn't count..
It could also be argued that her Mums house is permanant and that she's intending to settle their which basically puts her equal to your residence, that's how they see it..

If a child is settled and she's deemed to be a fit parent then they will not take the child off her, she has to be deemed a 'good enough parent' for the child..

I know you are upset and miss your child but perhaps offering to support her instead of getting ready for a fight may help..
She must be upset too, perhaps telling her you will support her and help her resettle would help your son..

clearingout

Elle,
damside bear has done an awful lot to try and support a difficult situation and make residence of his child fair. The simple fact of the matter is that the child has been resident with his father for a prolonged period of time and the mother has made a unilateral decision to change that status quo. If a dad had done that, I would wager the courts would have sent the child straight back to mum but because it's the other way round, they are trying to be 'fair'.

The child was settled with a 'good enough' parent. I disagree that the courts won't look at issues such as hospital appointments - it shows a complete disregard for the child's well being to miss such an appointment, as does not registering the child in school immediately (I think he is in school, not nursery).

I am generally pro-young children being with their mothers (I fought for mine when my ex tired to 'take' them), but this is a situation where mum has upped and left and a status quo has been established. Mum made her decisions and if she wasn't happy with them, taking the child wasn't the answer, was it?