The Ultimate Incentive to get debt free… again. Dinah & NIM go head to head!

clearmydebts

No - you are not being silly. There is no way your OH should have to pay for the hire of his suit. I would tell her he is wearing one of his own suits (with a tie to match your dress as BM) and if they want him to coordinate with the groom then they have to pay. They are being very tight.

I don't mind being MSE but I can't abide tightness :mad:

Birdie85

You're perfectly entitled to some wallowing time, be selfish and think about just yourself for a while. You deserve it and it's part of the grieving process! Make as many plans as you can for the weekend, keep busy and get out of the house. I was also thinking this morning that you should make a plan for wednesday night for obvious reasons. Get a girlfriend to take you out!

clearmydebts

Tete_en_l'Air wrote: »

I know that really, but I just want to see him He's not really sending me anything, but he does reply to me so I'm having to be super-restrained by not picking up my phone. Have gone 24 hours now without contact which is just unheard of. I forget sometimes what's happened and if I see something funny like a seagull doing a dance my natural reaction is to reach for the phone and send him a message about it



Yeah people keep saying things like this but I just can't imagine anyone who would make me happier

Sorry Poolie and NIM, we haven't been man-bashing have we? I'm not even HIM-bashing, no-one's done anything wrong which is partly why it's so upsetting.

Having the cats back has been nice, they stayed on the bed with me all night - actually I think they're glad it's just the three of us in bed again. Getting up for work was hard because we'd got into a little routine in our house so I was constantly thinking what I'd be doing there at each point.

Work this morning was OK, had a lot of financy stuff to do so that was nice and mind-numbing, but this afternoon people are phoning me with their petty niggles and stupidity and I just want to tell them to sod off.

I've been invited out for tea with my friend and her sister and cousin on Friday so I'll probably go to that, and also going to try and meet up with another friend at some point over the weekend. Keeping busy but in the back of my mind I'm thinking "would rather spend it with him" and "it's only cos you don't have the rent to pay that you can afford this"

Thanks again for all your kindness and apologies for all the whinging on, I've honestly never felt like this before and it's a bit all-consuming.

How is the challenge going Dinah and NIM?

Try and keep yourself as busy as you can. I had my heart broken before by someone who wouldn't commit to me (turns out he was ready to commit when I met my OH but thats another story).

It took me quite a while to get over him but I did and defo met someone way more suited to me. I know it is hard to think like this as it is so raw but you will move on and you deserve to be loved and worshipped by your OH.

Birdie85

clearmydebts wrote: »

No - you are not being silly. There is no way your OH should have to pay for the hire of his suit. I would tell her he is wearing one of his own suits (with a tie to match your dress as BM) and if they want him to coordinate with the groom then they have to pay. They are being very tight.

I don't mind being MSE but I can't abide tightness :mad:

Thank you! They're not even being MSE with the rest of the wedding, I just feel like we're footing the bill for their extravagance! We suggested that OH wears his own suit but she said he could wear his own suit... as a guest! :mad:

N.I.M

Birdie85 wrote: »

Now I don't think that this is the correct etiquette anyway, traditionally the BMs expenses go to the bride's father and the groomsmen's suits are covered by the groom. She's bought my dress, albeit far too small so I have to somehow lose 3 inches everywhere for it to fit! :eek: They told us after dinner that OH would have to pay for the hire of his suit. I asked why as they are telling him what to wear, if I get my outfit bought for me as it's being dictated why is it different for the men? Isn't that unfair? Yesterday morning she sent me a snotty text saying I'd upset her and that she'd spent £200 on my dress and why isn't that enough for me? But the cost of my dress has nothing to do with the cost of the suits.

I explained on Saturday that every penny we spend on their wedding comes out of our honeymoon budget and we're not too happy about that but she just said, 'We're saving for our honeymoon too' like that puts an end to our worries. They got £3k from his dad for the honeymoon, it's not our fault that they booked a £6k holiday. She earns over £10k a year more than I do and really doesn't understand that I don't have £400 spare to put into savings every month. We worked out how much their wedding is going to cost us and it topped £500... we just don't have that kind of money yet she's upset with us because we can't afford to pay for a suit or to stay over at the hotel the night of the wedding! I texted her to say that I regret ever booking my honeymoon because we're going to struggle to pay for it and we're clearly boring her with our money worries. I just think that she's being really unfair and I was in tears stressing over it all yesterday. I'm not even looking forward to my own wedding right now because all we do it talk about hers! Am I being silly?

Birdie, I'm sneaking on to tell ya this but your mate is totoally wrong and out of order here. Dinah and I organised and paid for all suits and dresses (Well our parents paid for most of them but you get the idea). Anyway its on the happy couple to stump up the mooney or let you dress whatever way (within reason, no panda bear suits) you want. Get her told she can pay for his if they want him in a rental.

Birdie85

It's nice to know I'm not being silly! They're not coming to our wedding, because they're teachers the flight c0ck up means that they can't come, but I think it was a lucky escape as I doubt they would have actually come. The groom isn't even coming to OH's stag do as he's on a school trip that he can't get out of. None of this is taken into account though!

Tete_en_l'Air

Would you be willing to just say that you'll go as guests? How much is the suit hire? Are the other groomsmen having their paid for?

clearmydebts

Birdie85 wrote: »

Thank you! They're not even being MSE with the rest of the wedding, I just feel like we're footing the bill for their extravagance! We suggested that OH wears his own suit but she said he could wear his own suit... as a guest! :mad:

Sorry - but she sounds like a horrible person. Fancy threatening your OH with a demotion???

Birdie85

I don't think OH would mind being de-best-manned since he thought he was an odd choice to begin with but we don't want to cause any problems as we see this couple a lot and we don't want any awkwardness. The other groomsmen are expected to pay too, 2 are the bride's brothers (who have very good jobs so aren't worried about money) and 2 friends of the groom who don't have GFs, mortgages etc so have the disposable cash to spend, as far as I'm aware. They haven't found the suits yet but think it'll be around £70. Surely if they're not paying for the hire the men should be consulted about their budget?

clearmydebts

Tete_en_l'Air wrote: »

Would you be willing to just say that you'll go as guests? How much is the suit hire? Are the other groomsmen having their paid for?

Yeah - call her bluff! She didn't even get you the right size dress!