The Ultimate Incentive to get debt free… again. Dinah & NIM go head to head!

Flower08

Tete - Definitely sounds like panic attacks to me, used to have them quite a bit myself. Only thing I can recommend when it happens is sit down and try to stabalise your breathing.
I guess its good that you dont have to worry about the bills/rent etc..

Cinny91

Gosh Tete, I've replied on your blog but I'll send you some love from this end too! I can only really echo what everyone else has said. But it does sound like you're having panic attacks. When you feel one coming on just take a second out, focus on your breathing and they'll pass. They're horrible bleeders and take a lot of you so take good care of yourself

poddle911

Oh Tete, I'm SO sorry to hear your news, I really am gutted for you and just wanted to send big hugs your way. Try not to be too hard on yourself - you're allowed to feel like nothing will ever be right again, but it will! You sound like such a brilliant and warm person and I second Lara's invitation to visit if you're ever this far south - I'd love to meet you!

I'm sure Dinah's happy to have her thread hijacked if we can offer any support or advice that is helpful. And your gorgeous kitties need you, so chin up, lady! Take care xx

N.I.M

* whispers * Poolie, you think its safe for us to come out yet?

clearmydebts

N.I.M wrote: »

* whispers * Poolie, you think its safe for us to come out yet?

Only if you give us a male perspective on things!

clearmydebts

How are you today Tete? Stupid question really but just wanted to know if you are okay.

Dinah93

N.I.M wrote: »

* whispers * Poolie, you think its safe for us to come out yet?

Oi! Back down the mines you!

Flower08

clearmydebts wrote: »

How are you today Tete? Stupid question really but just wanted to know if you are okay.

Second this. Hope you are ok xx

Birdie85

Dinah93 wrote: »

Oi! Back down the mines you!

LOL! Get him told! :rotfl:

Hope you are OK today Tete x

I'm having a right stress with myself at the moment and I'm hoping for some perspective if anyone can help? We went out for dinner on Saturday with friends who are getting married next summer. I'm a bridesmaid, OH is best man. They're having a traditional wedding and her parents are paying for most of it but she has told me that her parents have told her that the tradition is that she has to pay for the BMs dresses and shoes etc and that the groomsmen have to pay for their own suits. Now I don't think that this is the correct etiquette anyway, traditionally the BMs expenses go to the bride's father and the groomsmen's suits are covered by the groom. She's bought my dress, albeit far too small so I have to somehow lose 3 inches everywhere for it to fit! :eek: They told us after dinner that OH would have to pay for the hire of his suit. I asked why as they are telling him what to wear, if I get my outfit bought for me as it's being dictated why is it different for the men? Isn't that unfair? Yesterday morning she sent me a snotty text saying I'd upset her and that she'd spent £200 on my dress and why isn't that enough for me? But the cost of my dress has nothing to do with the cost of the suits.

I explained on Saturday that every penny we spend on their wedding comes out of our honeymoon budget and we're not too happy about that but she just said, 'We're saving for our honeymoon too' like that puts an end to our worries. They got £3k from his dad for the honeymoon, it's not our fault that they booked a £6k holiday. She earns over £10k a year more than I do and really doesn't understand that I don't have £400 spare to put into savings every month. We worked out how much their wedding is going to cost us and it topped £500... we just don't have that kind of money yet she's upset with us because we can't afford to pay for a suit or to stay over at the hotel the night of the wedding! I texted her to say that I regret ever booking my honeymoon because we're going to struggle to pay for it and we're clearly boring her with our money worries. I just think that she's being really unfair and I was in tears stressing over it all yesterday. I'm not even looking forward to my own wedding right now because all we do it talk about hers! Am I being silly?

Tete_en_l'Air

Birdie85 wrote: »

Since you've had a 'friendly' break up (i.e. not been cheated on, throwing his clothes out the window etc) it's really best to stay out of contact with him so you can get some closure. Don't reply to friendly texts that he sends, answer the phone/e-mails etc. At least for a while.

I know that really, but I just want to see him He's not really sending me anything, but he does reply to me so I'm having to be super-restrained by not picking up my phone. Have gone 24 hours now without contact which is just unheard of. I forget sometimes what's happened and if I see something funny like a seagull doing a dance my natural reaction is to reach for the phone and send him a message about it

clearmydebts wrote: »

Just to let you know Tete I knew someone who was going through a similar thing (except her OH wouldn't commit at all, wouldn't even move in) and they broke up. She is older than you and was worrying about the same thing.

Turns out she met someone a few months later and he was willing to commit to all the things her OH wasn't. Her life has turned around and she has never been happier.

Yeah people keep saying things like this but I just can't imagine anyone who would make me happier

Sorry Poolie and NIM, we haven't been man-bashing have we? I'm not even HIM-bashing, no-one's done anything wrong which is partly why it's so upsetting.

Having the cats back has been nice, they stayed on the bed with me all night - actually I think they're glad it's just the three of us in bed again. Getting up for work was hard because we'd got into a little routine in our house so I was constantly thinking what I'd be doing there at each point.

Work this morning was OK, had a lot of financy stuff to do so that was nice and mind-numbing, but this afternoon people are phoning me with their petty niggles and stupidity and I just want to tell them to sod off.

I've been invited out for tea with my friend and her sister and cousin on Friday so I'll probably go to that, and also going to try and meet up with another friend at some point over the weekend. Keeping busy but in the back of my mind I'm thinking "would rather spend it with him" and "it's only cos you don't have the rent to pay that you can afford this"

Thanks again for all your kindness and apologies for all the whinging on, I've honestly never felt like this before and it's a bit all-consuming.

How is the challenge going Dinah and NIM?

EDIT - cross-posts Birdie. I thought it was tradition for the bridesmaids dresses and groomsmen's suits to be paid for by the people who are getting married (or their parents or whoever). I've heard of brides saying "I'd like you to be bridesmaid, wear your favourite red dress" and of groomsmen wearing their own suits but if they want you all matching I thought it was their responsibility. Are they going to your wedding?