The Ultimate Incentive to get debt free… again. Dinah & NIM go head to head!

zigmeister

Lara44 wrote: »

If you ever fancy a weekend in London we would love to have you come and stay. Hope you're going to organise some treats to keep yourself going. Keep in touch with us all here xx

Tete, I've replied on your blog, but just wanted to agree with this whole-heartedly. If you're ever down Bristol way then get in touch I know completely what you mean about the songs thing - I felt the same when I was going through !!!! with OH. My advice, don't listen to them! Just do whatever you can to take your mind off things. Is there any chance he will take some time out and realise that he has made the wrong decision?

I feel completely gutted for you, I'm upset on your behalf! Please take care of yourself - we're all here for you xxx

Tete_en_l'Air

Sorry to hijack the thread Dinah Thanks again for your lovely replies - I woke up this morning and thought I didn't have any tears left in me until I read those! I managed quite a lot of sleep last night, only woke up once and didn't know where I was must have been exhausted. My friend called me last night having only just got my message about it and I went over there for a bit of tea and sympathy, but she's got a lovely husband and son so it's a bit sickening, I couldn't stay long. I'm going over to collect the cats today - that will help to have them around as they're a massive comfort but it'll also put an end to the temporary feeling of being here. God, I'd move to Australia tomorrow if I thought that was the only issue, but I know it's not

Debtbegone, it's nice, if you know what I mean, to know I'm not alone. Although I'm pleased to get out of the house in a way because it turned out such a nightmare of a place to live, I was looking around at the furniture we bought and all the bits and bobs I'd been collecting for months before we got the place and it made me so sad. I was so looking forward to Christmas and had been buying loads of lovely decs in the Lakes last week, feel stupid now. I'd even bought his birthday card already for the 28th - how could I not have realised?

Dinah93

From what it sounds like it doesn't seem like there were really any warning signs, so don't go hunting for tiny signs as to why you didn't realise. I think it's a bit strange he didn't discuss that he had concerns before it got to the 'its over' stage, maybe they could have been worked on. If it makes you feel any better I can also say I've been in a similar position, granted I was younger as we met just before uni, but we'd been together 2 months shy of 3 years, spent every weekend together, he'd talked about marriage and babies after uni etc, then one weekend he just vanished off the radar, didn't answer the phones etc, Sunday night he called up saying he'd needed time alone to think to gone to Wales for the weekend (why?!?!) but he didn't think it was working anymore. By that point I was so livid I'd thought he was dead all weekend I was quite happy to go along with it, but afterwards I couldn't see the wood for the trees, everyone had always said we were the couple everyone else wanted to be, we had the same interests, always in stitches, but in time I came to see that there were certainly aspects that caused friction between us. I spent 9 months on some kind of vendetta against my body, spending 5 or 6 nights a week out at pubs and clubs to basically block out that not only had I 'failed' to make it work, but even better that he'd started sleeping with my best friend behind my back within a week of it ending - clearly it had been over in his head a long time before mine!

Please kick this silly notion of not having kids and being alone forever, I bet every friend you has knows at least one guy you'd be great with, and if things turn out to be really are over with your OH (I know sometimes people realise within a fortnight they made a hideous mistake) then in time you can start looking again when you feel ready, and I'm sure everyone will help you find someone new.

On a completely lighter note, how are you finding pies and prejudice? I read it a few years ago, kept disagreeing with the author on the concept of 'north'!

wendz86

Tete - will be nice to have your cats around, they are always really comforting. I agree with Dinah that there were no signs so don't think you should have seen it coming. Hope you are feeling as Ok as you can be todayx

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend. Mine has been really quiet. I cleaned the flat yesterday and had my hair cut and just been chilling out today.

Flower08

Tete I think Dinah just about sums everything up - please dont go beating yourself up about it. Hope you are feeling a bit better today and it will be nice for you to have your cats back with you. Is he staying in the house?

Went to see Disney on Ice show today was a lovely treat, booked the tickets ages ago - glad we did because we wouldnt have been able to afford to pay for it now!

Birdie85

Awwww I'm so so sorry Tete! There's nothing to be said right now but don't ever worry about coming on here for some sympathy and virtual hugs. We all love you and know how amazing you are, don't ever worry about being alone because we know you won't be! It seems like a few of us have been broken up with for similar reasons (me included) so we know how you're feeling, to some extent at least. Lara's suggestion of Barcelona is a good one, can you take a sabattical from work to spend the winter working somewhere sunny?

Did you at least have a good week in the Lakes? What did you get up to? How did the CDWM go?

I take it you enjoyed Disney on Ice Flower? The last time I went was a few years ago with a friend and we got loads of odd looks because we had no kids with us! And my friend was totally weighed down with over-priced merchandise because she got excited and wanted everything!

There's definitely something odd going on with me, I went to the gym 4 nights last week and I went again this afternoon! I was sat at home thinking, 'Why sit around doing nothing when I could be doing some work on my flabby bits?'... OH nearly fell off the sofa when I told him where I was going! I don't feel quite so guilty about my (frozen) pizza that I'll be having for tea now!

Flower08

Birdie85 wrote: »

I take it you enjoyed Disney on Ice Flower? The last time I went was a few years ago with a friend and we got loads of odd looks because we had no kids with us! And my friend was totally weighed down with over-priced merchandise because she got excited and wanted everything!

Had a really good time we did have kids with us so didnt get any odd looks :rotfl:

Tete_en_l'Air

Dinah93 wrote: »

even better that he'd started sleeping with my best friend behind my back within a week of it ending - clearly it had been over in his head a long time before mine!

I've never been cheated on to my knowledge and it must be horrible, but in a way it must give you some sort of closure and be able to hate him. I'm getting "I love you, you're amazing.." so why?

Please kick this silly notion of not having kids and being alone forever, I bet every friend you has knows at least one guy you'd be great with, and if things turn out to be really are over with your OH (I know sometimes people realise within a fortnight they made a hideous mistake) then in time you can start looking again when you feel ready, and I'm sure everyone will help you find someone new.

I'm stupidly clinging to this at the moment and I have to stop because I don't think it'll happen. All the stories you hear of girls giving their OHs ultimatums - just my luck it would backfire on me

On a completely lighter note, how are you finding pies and prejudice? I read it a few years ago, kept disagreeing with the author on the concept of 'north'!

I'm only about 10 pages in, wanted something light and un-romantic Enjoying it so far, well, I use that word loosely, obviously.

Flower08 wrote: »

Tete I think Dinah just about sums everything up - please dont go beating yourself up about it. Hope you are feeling a bit better today and it will be nice for you to have your cats back with you. Is he staying in the house?

For the moment but I think he'll go back to his parents' soon, for the same reasons I've come back here. I realised when I went in today just HOW cold it is. He said he'll look after all the bills for the remaining two months of the contract which is a help. I'd rather be poor and snuggled under a blanket with him and the hot water bottle though of course.

Birdie85 wrote: »

Awwww I'm so so sorry Tete! There's nothing to be said right now but don't ever worry about coming on here for some sympathy and virtual hugs. We all love you and know how amazing you are, don't ever worry about being alone because we know you won't be! It seems like a few of us have been broken up with for similar reasons (me included) so we know how you're feeling, to some extent at least. Lara's suggestion of Barcelona is a good one, can you take a sabattical from work to spend the winter working somewhere sunny?

Thanks, don't think work do sabbaticals for us minions ... I ran away to Spain once before and it did wonders for me but not sure it's the solution this time.

Did you at least have a good week in the Lakes? What did you get up to? How did the CDWM go?

Yeah it was good, rained a lot though and I was thinking I couldn't wait to get home and snuggled in for the weekend . CDWM was good, my pasta bake wasn't as tasty as normal for some reason, but the mousses were lovely with Dairy Milk I'm pleased to say!

There's definitely something odd going on with me, I went to the gym 4 nights last week and I went again this afternoon! I was sat at home thinking, 'Why sit around doing nothing when I could be doing some work on my flabby bits?'... OH nearly fell off the sofa when I told him where I was going! I don't feel quite so guilty about my (frozen) pizza that I'll be having for tea now!

The wedding's looming very close now isn't it? Nothing like an impending deadline to get you off your bum! I'm definitely on the break up diet - ate nothing Friday and Saturday and have had two potatoes and a slice of toast today Never been off my food before, it's a strange feeling!

It's nice to have the cats back yeah, and they're visibly happier to be in a warmer house. OH (ex-OH) says they were pining for me last night, crying and fighting each other - they know something's going on.

Have spent the afternoon unpacking everything back into my old bedroom. While I'm sorting and tidying I feel OK but then I'll stop and think, or find something that reminds me of him, and start sort of gasping - is it a panic attack? It's still not sunk in I think, feels as though I've just rewound a few months and he'll come and take me out for tea on Wednesday as usual.

Sorry again for the hijack. Hope everyone else is well.

Birdie85

You know what, I always half hope that when something bad happens I'll go off food and lose loads of weight... it never happens! Even when I'm ill with a stomach bug I don't lose weight because nothing puts me off food! I'll just find the one food that doesn't make me feel as sick! When my ex broke up with me I remember going to get a massive take out curry and scoffing the lot!

Since you've had a 'friendly' break up (i.e. not been cheated on, throwing his clothes out the window etc) it's really best to stay out of contact with him so you can get some closure. Don't reply to friendly texts that he sends, answer the phone/e-mails etc. At least for a while. They send such confusing messages and mess with your head! I know it's really hard though...:(

Glad to know the mousses were good! You just can't beat Dairy Milk!

It sounds like you are having panic attacks, just try to keep calm and work through it. It's only been a couple of days, they won't last much longer, I hope. :grouphug:

clearmydebts

Birdie85 wrote: »

Since you've had a 'friendly' break up (i.e. not been cheated on, throwing his clothes out the window etc) it's really best to stay out of contact with him so you can get some closure. Don't reply to friendly texts that he sends, answer the phone/e-mails etc. At least for a while. They send such confusing messages and mess with your head! I know it's really hard though...:(

:grouphug:

I agree with Birdie here

Just to let you know Tete I knew someone who was going through a similar thing (except her OH wouldn't commit at all, wouldn't even move in) and they broke up. She is older than you and was worrying about the same thing.

Turns out she met someone a few months later and he was willing to commit to all the things her OH wasn't. Her life has turned around and she has never been happier.

You are a wonderful person and have a brilliant sense of humour. Don't forget we are all here for you

(((Hugs)))