Alone and need advice from strong people

dogcat_2

He seems like he is still trying to control you....he seems like a control freak to me. You MUST stand up for yourself...and you must do it now. He is walking all over you and playing 'mind games' with you. You need to get him out of your house and out of your life.

Juicyloo

Be very careful regarding the daughter as if she ups and goes, you lose the maintenance payment for her. He could also claim reduced maintenance if she is staying over nights with him.

RAS, my rerlationship with our daughter is good, she loves me to bits(has no clue what her dad is doing). She is a really good great girl, her boyfriend is wonderful also.

He could not have her to stay as he lives in his dads little house with his 50 yr old batchelor brother. Says a lot really, I picked up a long time ago how much disdain the males in his family have for women.

Juicyloo

I need to do this deeds thing- did not realise it will pass to him if I die- I'm a mess today(suicidal thoughts) but will not act as I'm stronger than that. I just want out of this mess. My poor dad is lying there with dementia since a stroke over 4 years ago, anfd he would have taken him to task, it's almost cruel- my ex is cruel- that is the only word I can use to describe him.

Does karma actually work? TReally hope (and actually believe so) but sometimes (all the time) it seems to come to pass that idiots just get away with it and paople suffer.

In the great scheme of things guess gratitude for enough nurture and warmth and comfort is enough. Why are human beings so nasty to each other though?

My beautiful girl said to me not long ago something about money, cannot remember the exact words or context, but it boiled down to the age old phrase 'money is the root of all evil'. It is so true, but it is a basic instinct for survival then greed on top of that.

Heck my head is in a mess- I want out of this, cannot do it anymore.

gratefulforhelp_2

Juicyloo wrote: »

The stuff with my solicitor is a big issue. Have tried complaint procedure, therefore changed solicitor. Have gone to complaints with law society. They came back and said they can only deal with admin issues and advised what I already knew- professional negligence.

You need to complain to the complaints partner of the original firm before anyone else will help, have you done that?

If you need motivation to STOP being a doormat (your words) then what about how your daughter will expect to be treated by men in the future? Should she really witness this?

Its an unfashionable view, and I know counselling helps some, but I think NLP is a load of c0ck! Also I think it may have been detrimental to your self esteem.

You need to make a list of stuff you have to sort, changes to make and work through it tiny bit by tiny bit.

A wise woman on flylady calls this dot-to-dotting, when you have tackled enough dots, you can see the picture forming.

RAS

Juicyloo wrote: »

RAS, my relationship with our daughter is good, she loves me to bits(has no clue what her dad is doing). She is a really good great girl, her boyfriend is wonderful also.

He could not have her to stay as he lives in his dads little house with his 50 yr old batchelor brother. Says a lot really, I picked up a long time ago how much disdain the males in his family have for women.

Ok in that case your situation is safe.

You need to take one day at a time.

Your first priority is to get the deeds sorted out.

Tomorrow, go on the Land Registry website and download the papers.

Jinx

I think I would speak to the daughter about how it feels when her dad comes back into 'your' house and get her to agree not to bring her dad into the house. At 17 surely she is supportive of you and will fully understand its a difficult time? My daughter knew I preferred her dad not to come into my house and she just popped out when he turned up in the car. This relaxed over time as emotions calmed and time passed.

As for your son, I would tell him too that you dont want ex-hubby in the house and if he doesnt fully support this then I wouldnt give him a key when you change the locks.

I fully support your children having their dad in their lives, but they are adults now and can surely understand that the you have separate homes now?

carefullycautious

You are getting into a tiss because you are trying to be everything to everybody. You really need to simplify things and try to solve one thing at a time. soooo

1. Change the bl**dy deeds :eek:
2. Explain to the children that this is you home and that if they want to see dad it will have to be at his place
3. Get some respite care for your parent/s so that you can recharge your batteries.
4.etc
5.etc

Flight or Fight

Bubby

I agree you are taking on too much! Your son doesn't live at home so he can go to the back of the list, your daughter is 17 so as long as she tells you when she will be home etc she is an adult and can be left to her own devices. Sort the deeds out asap, then sort out some respite care ASAP, you will be no good caring for others when you cannot care for yourself.

I can completely understand why you despise your bullying ex husband but for your own sanity you NEED to let it go, let him earn whatever he wants he sounds like a complete pr8tt living at home with his dad and brother!! There is no point pursuing an increase in maintenance until you have everything else in your life and you are strong enough mentally to take it on, what would happen if they deemed it unreasonable for you to have so much equity and your living expenses to be too high and they awarded you less?? that is a risk and not one you can afford to take at present.

For a change you need to put yourself first!

System

I'm not sure what advice i can give but are you being given any help with your MH problems? I suffer from MH problems myself and know how draining they can be let alone with everything else your are currently having to cope with. i hope you get the help you need

celler

If you have no job and see few folks whats to stop you renting your place and moving 50 miles.Time and space could be good.The bitterness is somewhat understandable but allowing it to continue is not wise.Honestly feel if you take more from him your just demonstrating to him you need him more.Slowly you need to put your self in a place where you need him for nothing.Thus making him powerless.
As for the dating you dont have to be ready for change just being willing should get you started.