Board guides personal posts

MrsE_2

poet123 wrote: »

nor accept that the comments made were anything less than insensitive, and against the spirit of the forums be nice policy.

Exactly as I feel, I was more & more dismayed reading the thread. A few posts were a bit sceptical about the wig & then with a board guide questioning it, people saw that as the green light to have a laugh.

There are a couple of posts on there I'm surprised abuse haven't removed (not far after pennys first post, its the lower half of the first page on mine, but I guess it depends on how many posts you view per page).

jackieglasgow

Abuse won't remove them unless they are reported. Did you report them? As for the wig comments, I have my own opinion on them, and don't wish to get drawn into the nitty gritty of it, except to stand by my own position, I would have thought the same if the OP has said she knitted her own lentils, or cut her socks into tights, it was the title of the thread that got me. I'm not even sure if I posted my reply before reading the op or not, I was that (surprised?) by the title.

I understand what you are saying about your friend Poet, I am sure it can't be pleasant to watch someone you care about go through that, but I don't see that you need to take offence on her behalf in this particular instance. Does that mean I should be insulted for my black friend that no one considered the OP might be like her or her children before posting their comments? Of course not. In the experience of the people on that board to say you are using a wig simply to save money sounded odd, and they - rightly or wrongly - exercised their democratic freedom of speech to say they thought it would be an odd way of choosing to save money.

Churchmouse

poet123 wrote: »

There was nothing self deprecating about that crack;) but how nice of her to pop in with such a valuable and insightful comment.....little wonder it elicited the thanks from the same quarters that found no problem with mocking a new poster for wearing a wig (when not knowing or caring if it was due to medical reasons).

Right, I've checked. 6 people thanked AussieLass

The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to AussieLass For This Useful Post: Show me >>
Remove Your Thanks
Churchmouse (Today), jackieglasgow (Today), mandi (Today), nobodyspecial (Today), p3nnylane (Today), rubytuesday (Today)

Only jackie and I posted on the thread in question. Jackie did not mock the wig, and I did not mock the wig. I only posted once MrsE had singled out Penelope Penguin for criticism. So your post above is totally inaccurate, but some will have taken it at face value and made judgments. I'm asking you to correct it for the sake of all concerned. This thread has nothing to do with the other thread. Unless you think MrsE is carrying on her criticism of that boardguide? I am not concerned about boardguides removing their signatures from personal posts and it would seem few are. I think that was what AussieLass was indicating. I may be wrong.

I think your friend's situation of needing 3 visits a week to the hairdresser is so unusual as not to be something that would readily spring to many people's minds. I have had cancer twice, but did not wear a wig either time. I have lost my mother to cancer, a dear sister in law who left three young children, and a very close friend who left two young children. They all wore wigs because they lost their hair. None of them would have phrased it that they were wearing a wig to save on hairdressing costs. Personal sadness does not excuse inaccurate accusations against other people.

poet123

jackieglasgow wrote: »

Abuse won't remove them unless they are reported. Did you report them? As for the wig comments, I have my own opinion on them, and don't wish to get drawn into the nitty gritty of it, except to stand by my own position, I would have thought the same if the OP has said she knitted her own lentils, or cut her socks into tights, it was the title of the thread that got me. I'm not even sure if I posted my reply before reading the op or not, I was that (surprised?) by the title.

I understand what you are saying about your friend Poet, I am sure it can't be pleasant to watch someone you care about go through that, but I don't see that you need to take offence on her behalf in this particular instance. Does that mean I should be insulted for my black friend that no one considered the OP might be like her or her children before posting their comments? Of course not. In the experience of the people on that board to say you are using a wig simply to save money sounded odd, and they - rightly or wrongly - exercised their democratic freedom of speech to say they thought it would be an odd way of choosing to save money.

I am not taking offence on behalf of my friend, simply using her to try to make the point that up to post 34 no one asked why? no one even seemed to consider why, seemingly the jokes/troll accusations were carrying the thread.

Then, in post 34 and later a different poster in 37 (people who are clearly a bit more sensitive) suggested that all may not be as it appeared. And very many people (17?) thanked that post, suggesting that others who were not posting (as I wasnt) were thinking along the same lines.

So, it is clear that though MrsE and I may have been the most vocal on this issue, we are far from alone in seeing the insensitivity, that alone should give pause for thought to anyone who thinks about the feelings of others and puts that before perceived "freedom of speech" but if you and others can't see it, there is little anyone can do to alter that, it doesnt mean it wasn't there.

And as for freedom of speech, as you know, this is a private site and such freedom is bound up in the tenets of the forum the primary one of which is "be nice"....

Clearly, we are not going to agree on this one, nor on Aussielass's "helpful";) contribution to this thread,.... such is life:)

poet123

Churchmouse wrote: »

Right, I've checked. 6 people thanked AussieLass

The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to AussieLass For This Useful Post: Show me >>
Remove Your Thanks
Churchmouse (Today), jackieglasgow (Today), mandi (Today), nobodyspecial (Today), p3nnylane (Today), rubytuesday (Today)

Only jackie and I posted on the thread in question. Jackie did not mock the wig, and I did not mock the wig. I only posted once MrsE had singled out Penelope Penguin for criticism. So your post above is totally inaccurate, but some will have taken it at face value and made judgments. I'm asking you to correct it for the sake of all concerned. This thread has nothing to do with the other thread. Unless you think MrsE is carrying on her criticism of that boardguide?

I think your friend's situation of needing 3 visits a week to the hairdresser is so unusual as not to be something that would readily spring to many people's minds. I have had cancer twice, but did not wear a wig either time. I have lost my mother to cancer, a dear sister in law who left three young children, and a very close friend who left two young children. They all wore wigs because they lost their hair. None of them would have phrased it that they were wearing a wig to save on hairdressing costs. Personal sadness does not excuse inaccurate accusations against other people.

You and Jackie have both defended the posts in question, so by default you must agree with their sentiments, or am I wrong there? and also seemingly cannot see that many of them left a lot to be desired.

This is not about personal sadness or a list of who we have loved and lost to cancer, but about being nice and sensitive.

I have explained about my friend, she does now have hair, but the regrowth is so fine she cannot style it so she wears a wig rather than pay for a set (several times a week) which she needs to give the hair body.

Being insensitive is not a crime, but neither is pointing it out, nor is it an unfounded accusation unless you don't agree with the comments? in which case I will be happy to retract and apologise.

Churchmouse

Please refer me to the places where I supported mocking of the wig? I really don't support anyone who mocked someone for wearing a wig, why would I? And don't insult me about who I've lost to cancer. I was merely pointing out that none of them would have expressed their wig wearing in moneysaving terms. I am feeling very hurt and offended. Perhaps you could take a spoonful of your own advice?

AussieLass

Lighten up, it was just a joke. I have an odd humour. Churchmouse was spot on with her explanation. Life's too short to worry about signatures on board guide comments. How pedantic.

AussieLass

Churchmouse wrote: »

Please refer me to the places where I supported mocking of the wig? I really don't support anyone who mocked someone for wearing a wig, why would I? And don't insult me about who I've lost to cancer. I was merely pointing out that none of them would have expressed their wig wearing in moneysaving terms. I am feeling very hurt and offended. Perhaps you could take a spoonful of your own advice?

Don't feel hurt & offended hun. I didn't read it as he/she was insulting in that area. Everyone knows how hard it is when someone close dies from cancer. I think you should have a big glass of wine. xx

poet123

So you dont support the comments on the thread which question the validity of the poster for mentioning she wears a wig? nor those like Britney's which lapsed into ridicule?

I was not insulting you about who you had lost to cancer, rather refraining from giving you my list of relatives who sadly are no longer with us for the same reason, as there is no relevance to the subject matter.

You clearly want to misrepresent my angle on this issue and use the perceived and convenient hook of personal sadness as something to pin it on, so I say again, no personal sadness, just an example of why there is/was a need to be sensitive.

mandi

AussieLass wrote: »

Lighten up, it was just a joke. I have an odd humour.

Thats the way I saw it Aussie Lass