MSE Parents Club Part 15

SusanC_2

Becles wrote: »

I wouldn't fancy dragging a wheelie bin up the stairs and putting it in my shiny new bath!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

redmel1621

delain wrote: »

But has she got them in the right size? I didn't think you looked big in the photo you (think it was you) posted on the PG thread when LO was born (hope I'm not totally wrong and it wasn't you:rotfl:)

ETA: Slightly flared is better than pencil type:)

She hasn't actually bought them yet, which is probably why I am getting a bit panicked about telling her, I think she said she was buying them straight after christmas...she is probably waiting to see if they go into the sales:money:

Oh....What do I do...

Thank You Ethelsmum, very helpful firsthand experience post. I am also worried that I will be torn between spending time supporting her and spending time with my kids, and helping dh to keep contol of them haha x

delain

redmel1621 wrote: »

She hasn't actually bought them yet, which is probably why I am getting a bit panicked about telling her, I think she said she was buying them straight after christmas...she is probably waiting to see if they go into the sales:money:

Oh....What do I do...

Thank You Ethelsmum, very helpful firsthand experience post. I am also worried that I will be torn between spending time supporting her and spending time with my kids, and helping dh to keep contol of them haha x

Buy them all and comiserate with her when they're out of stock, and help her choose a more flattering alternative :rotfl:

Beyond that, I'd say go, you might have a good time and I'm sure it'll work out

redmel1621

SusanC wrote: »

:eek: I didn't have that for my own wedding.

Neither did I, well I was naturally tanned from being in Cyprus for a week before actually getting married. You haven't seen my sister, she is stunning and will have the works done, I will need to be well groomed just to not stand out as an old fish-wife:rotfl: Oh and her two other young pretty bridesmaids are also very young and pretty.

Gah, I think I need to tell her.

redmel1621

Off to make bottles then i'm going to bed, to get no sleep as usual:(

xx

BrunoM

Are you close enough to her/comfortable enough with her to have a really honest conversation about it Mel? From the position of "I am worried and anxious I wouldn't do you justice" type way, rather than confrontational? If she won't take it the wrong way, it would be the best and simplest approach!

SusanC_2

redmel1621 wrote: »

Off to make bottles then i'm going to bed, to get no sleep as usual:(

:grouphug: Is that no sleep because of how you feel or no sleep because T will disturb you?

Fitzio

Mel,

1. I would be honest with your sister and say that you agreed to be bridesmaid as it meant a lot to you that she had asked you and you were very honoured, but you are feeling a bit uncomfortable about it due to family/weight pressure and you were thinking that you might prefer to be a guest. Ask her how she would feel about that. If she is clearly upset that you don’t want to do it, then I would say that I was happy to do it for her if it meant a lot to her as it’s her big day etc. However, if you are not that close, you might find that she has asked you because she felt it was the right thing to do, and it might not make much difference to her (hope that doesn’t sound too harsh). I take it she hasn’t bought dresses etc. yet for bridesmaids? If she has, then I would say you should bite the bullet and do it regardless.
2. If I felt like you did, I would probably be inclined to make a couple of comments, such as “X just ticked the box – they never check”, or “It’s a shame, I would really love to be godmother, but if there is really no way round it...” and let her take you up on it or not. If she doesn’t then I think you have to respect her choice. I am not religious so I am just trying to give a neutral point of view. This does not mean that I agree with people being hypocritical about religious things, but I don’t feel strongly about it, so just remaining neutral.

gill_81uk

redmel1621 wrote: »

Thank You...couple of things I realise I hadn't added...
1. My sister is having 2 other bridesmaids too. Her VBF and her SIL(to be) They are both like 21yrs old, skinny size 6/8s and no kids!! hence why i am feeling pressured to lose weight drastically. Also I feel she should be fine with just those two, whereas, I don't think I want to leave dh to have to cope with all the kids, as I very much doubt any of my family will help him out, as they don't much like him and will probably sit there, watching and judging him as to how he is handling the kids....

But as I say, I would love to develop a closer relationship to her, and I also don't want to upset her by changing my mind.


2. My VBF did seem to mainly put the emphasis on the fact that it was 'church rules' that godparents are christened, rather than her personal preference iykwim....but she is sometimes hard to read, and doesn't always speak her mind, so I can't be sure what she is thinking about it.. i don't think that she had asked anyone else (yet) well no-one other than her other friend who was also going to be godmother aswell as me.

xx

thanks for advice so far, keep it coming as your replies are really helping me to think it through myself:)

1, I think I would speak to your sister and be totally honest. When you agreed to do it you had 3 kids, and you had no idea how tough the extra baby would make things (exaggerate if needs be!), and that you think your OH will really struggle with the 2 little ones. Would she mind if you stepped down from bridesmaid so that you can focus on your family....but you would love to be involved if you could help in any other way and will do anything you can to help and support her on the day otherwise. I was an unofficial matron of honour for my VBF as I was 37 weeks pregnant and didn't feel I could walk down the aisle as her bridesmaid. Instead I got involved on the day, helped her get ready, helped with planning, general support etc. I think while disappointed at my decision she was relieved at not having to find a dress for me!

2, Could you casually ask your VBF if she's found another godmother yet. If she says yes then perhaps you'll have to leave it but if not you could tell her how upset you are...and say you don't mind pretending if she doesn't. T's godparents were both Christened but we didnt have to do anything to prove this.

ETA Mel - a bit of food for thought for you re point 1. When VBF first assumed I would be bridesmaid I was 22 weeks pregnant and off work with stress. I didn't feel in a position to be able to cope with it, also felt I would look terrible walking down the aisle and didnt want to stress her about a dress so I refused. With hindsite she was upset I think and we agreed I would be unofficial maid of honour as mentioned above. As I got better in later pregnancy I actually really regretted my decision as I felt left out when she and another friend were doing bridemaidy things then I wished I was more involved on the day. Plus my unofficial capacity made things awkward in that I wasn't sure what photos I should/shouldn't be on etc. I really wish I'd know how much better I would feel by then and just agreed in the first place. Sorry for the waffle

gill_81uk

delain wrote: »

But has she got them in the right size? I didn't think you looked big in the photo you (think it was you) posted on the PG thread when LO was born (hope I'm not totally wrong and it wasn't you:rotfl:)

ETA: Slightly flared is better than pencil type:)

I met Mel when T was teeny weeny (just a week old??) and she was very slim.