Its tough, it will get better and guess what its freezing brrrrr!

happyin_devon

lilmisskitkat wrote: »

Hi everyone, coming out of lurkdom here (posted on the old thread a few times) as i need a bit of advice. I fel a bit cheeky only coming on to aask advice but i wanted to ask people who are sensible about money and being frugal as when i posted this on another forum they agreed with my friend and that i was in the wrong

My friend is getting married at the end of Dec and is arranging her hen do for the beginning of Dec, its a package including a meal, caberet and overnight stay, plus it'd cost for travel and drinks etc so looking at well over £100

I've said i can't afford to go, we need a few things doing on the house before winter sets in (new guttering and 2 radiators replacing) plus we've got DD's birthday this week and xmas coming up. Now shes taken the huff about it, saying that she came to my hen do and everyone else is making the effort just not me

Yes she did come to my hen do but mine was a meal at the local indian then into town afterwards and she only came to the meal as did quite a few others because of money/babysitters. If she was doing similar then i'd definitely go for the meal but i'll be 25 weeks pregnant by then and i dont want to go out on the town. Another friend can't come as they can't get the time off work and shes fine with that but says if i really wanted to come i'd find the money. From where? The money tree out back?

Am i a bad friend or is she over-reacting? She's not a close friend, we mainly see each other to let the kids play and have a natter so more of a friend/accquintance.

Again sorry to come on and post so selfishly but i would value your advice on the matter as you all talk a lot of sense. I always read the thread and keep up with the goings on, just dont feel like i have much to add

Kate xxx

seroiusly if u cant afford it dont go!
is there a compromise to be had where u can just meet up for a bit of the hen day???

if i were the bride i wouldnt want any of my friends getting in2 debt ova a night out,i take it ur going to wedding and therefore spending the most important day with her??
weddings r expensive enough,with outfits/presents/drinks etc
id be hopping mad if any of my friends got huffy about it,although shes probably just stressed with whole wedding thing and just isnt seeing things rationally(i recall having a sense of humour failure about wedding flowers in the run up to mine!!!!!)

MummyOfTwo

i dont know where this whole bloody nights away etc has come from for hen/stag nights. tbh i didnt even have a hen night when i got married last year, i just couldnt justify myself or my friends shelling out on it with the wedding coming up. you are perfectly within your rights to politely decline, my dear!!!

notjustlaura

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

A friend of mine down the school - another mum has a little girl and she has given me about 3 bags of beautiful immaculate baby girl clothes so as a thank you I wanted to get her a present. Only problem is I know she has been working out really hard at Zumba classes and she is really enjoying it so a box of chocolates might not be the way to go --- I did think about the coop offer but now reconsidering it --- thinking perhaps a little smellies/pampering set would be a good idea instead. What do you think??

I think I'd go down the smellies route.

pennywisepoundstupid

LMKK i agree with you, she cannot expect people to get into debt go without, just so she can be the centre of attention for a weekend, you have to put your family first, your daughter, home and yourself being pregnant is more important and if she throws a hissy fit then she isn't a real friend.

notjustlaura

lilmisskitkat wrote: »

My friend is getting married at the end of Dec and is arranging her hen do for the beginning of Dec, its a package including a meal, caberet and overnight stay, plus it'd cost for travel and drinks etc so looking at well over £100

I've said i can't afford to go, we need a few things doing on the house before winter sets in (new guttering and 2 radiators replacing) plus we've got DD's birthday this week and xmas coming up. Now shes taken the huff about it, saying that she came to my hen do and everyone else is making the effort just not me

I think you're absolutely right, kitkat. Family needs, IMO, to come first. And, secondly, no night out is worth £100+. And, thirdly, no night out is worth getting into debt for. Been there, done that, sometimes still need to take my own advice!

RAS

lilmisskitkat wrote: »

My friend is getting married at the end of Dec and is arranging her hen do for the beginning of Dec, its a package including a meal, caberet and overnight stay, plus it'd cost for travel and drinks etc so looking at well over £100

I've said i can't afford to go, we need a few things doing on the house before winter sets in (new guttering and 2 radiators replacing) plus we've got DD's birthday this week and xmas coming up. Now shes taken the huff about it, saying that she came to my hen do and everyone else is making the effort just not me.

So the bride has got an ego and judges herself by how many people are prepared to shell out megabucks for her hen do?

Just say,

"thanks for asking and I really would love to come and would if we had the money. I have to agree with hubby that the priority at the moment is urgent repairs to the house before the winter sets in.

If we can get it done cheaply, we may be able to re-think.

Primrose

I think this whole business of Hen Nights and Stag Nights is getting out of hand, especially when weddings are so expensive these days, both for those who are having them, and those who are attending, especially if they involve travel and overnight stays, as well as a present.

If she's getting huffy about it, that's her outlook. I wouldn't enter into any further arguments. Just say that your family finances don't permit it at the moment, especially on top of a wedding present. Maybe some other people are dropping out too for financial reasons. Stick to your guns.

mardatha

Friends dont try and force you to do anything you dont want to. if she tries it, then she isnt a friend .

the_cat

Well if your 'friend' really wanted everyone to come, she should have chosen a venue etc which would cater for all budgets!

She doesn't sound like much of a friend to me. A good friend (and a nice, grounded person) would understand if you can't afford it. She sounds a bit full of her own importance tbh!. Fair enough, her wedding and associated celebrations should be the centre of her attention but to expect you to prioritise it over heating your home this winter is just plain silly

Friends like that are not worth losing sleep over IMO!

NualaBuala

Kidcat, hope you're better soon, take it easy. Are you sure you want to clean an oven when you're poorly? If you really must I would go for whatever stinks the least since you feel sick - bicarb I guess. Take care. x


Kate, you are not being a bad friend at all ... but it sounds like this person is! I agree with those who have said stag/hen nights have become waay over the top. But even if it was a simple meal out, some folks might not be able to afford that - and to put pressure on someone, the way she has on you, is very selfish. There is no sense in getting into financial hardship over something so unimportant. You don't have to spend long reading MSE to see the people who got into debt that way, and are now struggling with essential bills. Ooops, the bridezillas will lynch me for saying a hen night isn't important, I'd better go hide now! :rotfl: