Its tough, it will get better and guess what its freezing brrrrr!

alec_eiffel

You are far more lucid than I am littleowl, tis what I was flapping about trying to say. The key to happiness is to admire without desire.

mama67

Desperate_Housewife wrote: »

can I ask how much do you pay for a sack of spuds please, and how many kgs in them? cheers

I paid £6 for a 25kg bag from the farm shop a couple of weeks back

Fruball

UnderPressure wrote: »

I am feeling a bit low and pi£%ed off today and really tired for some reason, had a banging headache all day just cant shift it of course that makes me feel even more grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I hate the run up to christmas much prefer it when it is december 24th and I tell myself "right time to enjoy it now", they way we have planned it this years is we are not startign to buy and presents for the children untul the first week in december the money is in place to do it then but still feel a little anxious it is all different this year fo us usually we are wll on the way with the presents by now oh well Im sure all will be fine.

I do admire the people who only spend 50 quid on their kids must be hard to do especially when all the "normal" (normal? what is normal to you may not be normal to others) presents cost so much more such as bikes and games consoles etc etc etc I would worry about it having a negative imapct on mine at school I mean going back to when I was a kid a bike was a normal kind of christmas present even then so nowadays it is even more "normal" and 50 quid doesnt buy much nowadays does it?? (you can get a BMX this year for £50, saw an ad for it on TV a few days ago) Peer pressure amognst children is also unreal nowadays it is something as a responsible parent you have to protect them from it can make a child deeply unhappy. (I hope that my kids learn that it is not a good idea to try to keep up with the Jones' - my grown up DS certainly wasn't unhappy and doesn't feel he MUST have the latest this that and the other)

I still think 50 quid is far too low even throwing £2 a week in a jar would result in £100 (£104 actually... excellent, £50 for the child and £54 for savings :T) but hey I am not criticising you and dont expect you to criticise me fore spending more, (i've not noticed anyone criticise anyone for what they spend on their children here on the OS board?) I do think though sometimes on these forums some people spoyt a load of nonsense almost like it is a competition to see who can spend the least on groceries ir in this case spend the least on their children at christmas it all turns a bit pathetic really,(oh really? interesting viewpoint :rollseyes:) of course I understand that some people genuinely cannot afford to spend more but there is a portion of people that are just plain tight fisted and rather than thinking to themselves "well I never got much as a kid so I want things to be a little better for my kids" I cannot understnad why people would not want a "better" life for their own kids than they had? (does having loads of money spent on you give you a better life??? news to me.) Its all well and good then turning round and saying oh well it never did me any harm but chances are you are all to easily forgetting just how you felt when on Christmas morning you got token gifts only to go outside and see little Johnny from down the road riding around on a shiny new bike. (And perhaps little Johnny is the man up the road with all the latest 'must haves' and up to his ears in debt?)

I personally cannot understand anyone who would only want to achieve second best (second best :eek: omg! You have a serious lack of understanding here!!!) for their own children, I appreciate in these hard time it can be extremely difficult belive me nobody need tell me that but there is a big difference between a lean streamlined christmas and a dam right miserly one!

I have my tin hat ready for the barage of comments to come

re the tin hat... Just as well as you already said you have a headache

kidcat

Underpressure - I think the point on this thread at least, is that we do want our kids to have better, but we recognise that if we spend load s that is not necessary now, then we are effectively denying them stuffin the future while we struggle to pay off debt. I remember when we had debts and were struggling to pay them off, we went without loads of stuff and my kids didnt get some/all of the stuff other kids did. They were very tough years. NOw we are debt free, its still tough as times are difficult and for us at least our income has shrunk considerably with no wage increases at all in six years. If we were still paying off debts then my kids would get less again - so I am glad that we took the pain when we did, as it means that we can afford to spend a little more now on things the kids need/want. BUt I am very careful, I never want to get into a debt situation again.
I think the point I am making is that its not about competing to spend the least - its about getting as much as you can for the amount of money you are able to spend. And also some people have different attitudes towards gifts, I know of one family who earn considerable sums, yet their child gets one small token gift at Christmas - does this make me sad? Yes. Do the children get stick at school for it? Undoubtedly - yet it is the way they believe they should bring up their children, if their child needs a new laptop it is purchased immediately, whereas my two eldest had to wait till Christmas. Its not necessarily about right or wrong, more about different parental views.

Pitlanepiglet

Bringing children up to believe that they can always have what they want is surely a recipe for disaster? Life isn't like that either in monetary terms or in general terms. I know many people (perhaps including myself) who would have been happier for having learnt this lesson earlier.

My friend has twin 16 year old boys, they have never had much money as a family but never got into debt. The boys know that money is tight, it's something that has always been discussed in a sensible manner. They learnt the value of money very early, they learnt that you can only spend what you have once...

They also know that they have a fantastic family and that whilst many of their friends have everything that they might want (and then some), they don't have the same family experience that the boys have.

One of their friends (who has well off parents who compete for his affection), was amazed that on their recent birthday, the boys' presents were wrapped in wrapping paper - this 16 year old who has a bedroom stacked full of "stuff" couldn't remember when he'd been given a present that someone had wrapped with love and TLC - I thought it was really sad.

The role of a parent is to give their children the skills they need to survive and IMO that includes the ability to stand up for themselves when they don't have the latest gadget at the drop of a hat.

UnderPressure

littleowl wrote: »

First of all yes, I do thinks spending a lot on children at Christmas is not necessary I am certainly not saying other people should not do exactly as they want and spend whatever they like. However, why is Christmas present buying such a big thing? I think it has become out of proportion. Isn't Christmas a time for giving and enjoying a family holiday? Surely it isn't necessary to spend huge amounts of money to do that. I really do believe that there is something inherently wrong with a society in which parents feel pressured - by themselves, the Jones' or whatever - to buy the shiniest, most expensive status symbol possible. Whether you are a Christian or not (I am not) Christmas is still a time of year celebrating an historical event, not a reason to get into debt over material possessions.

It did not occur to me to envy what someone else had for Christmas when I was a child and I know it did not later occur to my children either. There is far too much envy in this world and I think much of it stems from insecurity. If you are happy as you are and content in yourself it doesn't matter a damn what other people have.

Hello

I agree with you completely re-reading my post I can see it could come across the wrong way I will try to elaborate.....................

I dont think parents should put themselves under strss and anxiety or even out themselves into debt to spend hundreds of pounds on presents which most of the time are un-appreciated anyway, I made this post as a follow on to a previous post I made should have made that clearer, to recap quickly I was saying that people should not feel pressured into spending hundreds of pounds we have had some very hard times over the last couple of years as have many other families it is the way of the world today

We used to be guilty of spending way too much on our 3 around 1k each on chrostmas presents this can no longer be done and after the hard times and nightmares we have been through even if I could I would not be spending this amount ever again, kids get overwhelmed and far too often as in our case thousands of pounds worth of toys ebded up being stored in a leaky garden shed and within 3 years all to the local tip, so this year we decided we would give our kids a budget of £300 each which I consider to be a decent amount to spend on your own childs christmas presents, considering the cost of things nowadays I think it is anything but extravagent.............

The thing that has annoyed me and frequently annoys me on these boards in then the barage of people who come along after saying oh well I only spend 50 quid and thats more than enough, I dont know where these people shop but even in the cheapest of shops 50 quid buys nowt let alone any of the presents that kids today desire, it is as though it is some sort of competition and you get a ficticious prize for spending the least, I see it all the time on other parts of the site when it comes to groceries and people claiming to feed a family of 2 adults and 3 children as well as all cleaning things and toiletries for 30 quid a week, then some poor sooul comes along and starts to ask how they do this thinking they are doing something wrong because they never manage to spend less than £100 a week.

I just think some people exagerate a little to say the least, then some of these compers will be seen in other threads going on about hwo their kids have 3 of everything and they only shop at waitrose or m&s it is just so unrealistic and cannot understand why people whitter on the way they do about being frugal to the point of being plain tight fisted it is almost selfish IMO.

AGAIN dont get me wrong I underatand some people can only afford to spend 50 quid on their kids thats fine you do your best as well all do, I am venting at the peopl who as far as I am concerned are plain lying for what reason I have no idea, it is easy to view peoples other posts on this forum some posters seem to forget that..........................................

I come from a single parent family my mum did not have much of anything but she saved hard throghout they year to ensure we had what we wanted to a certain degree at christmas, sure 30, 40 50 years ago kids got nowhere near what they do today but it is not 30, 40 50 years ago the world has moved on from then there is a lot more available now than there ever was childrens expectations and dreams are much bigger than they used to be.

As all I am saying and not very well from the look of it so apologies is there is a HUGE difference between spending a small amount on your kids because that is all you can afford and spouting tripe on a forum trying to make people who spend more feel bad in some way when you spend more anyhow and decide to plainly lie for whatever reason that you dont!

I am of a younger generation only 32, I have experienced huge success and then lost the lot! I know better than anyone just how cruel the world can be crikey this time 7 months ago I was about to declare myself bankrupt and even then clawed my way through it all with a sick partner and 3 young children believe me I know how hard it can be I really do.

gailey_2

Margaret54 wrote: »

ach gailey love I am sending you a big hug today, and hope things get better for you. Congratulations on your wee boy, so pleased for you. I have 5 boys and one girl:) All adults now:)
Take care of yourself. I think you are a lovely person who works so hard and does so much for her family.xx

Thankyou ever so much margreat you sure had your hands full with 6 kids.

Im trying my best but somedays feel im failing.
Think im emotional wreck and tearful due to pressure of hubby trying to get new job and mouting bills plus worries of xmas looming.

Underpressure I think xmas budget depends on age and what child wants.

Im fortunate in sense that mine are young.

My 4half year old hasent asked for anything specific and has the big things already like dolls house she got that xmas before last, toy kitchen, she got bike last xmas she also has a scooter.
I feel shes too young for acomputer but she sometimes likes a go on the family wii.

The things like kitchen and dolls house I add few bit everyyear this year was thinking could redecorate dolls house and get new furniture.
shes really into making stuff so am making up a bumper craft set. which is all fairly cheap stuff .
Also getting her lego which is not too expensive as buying wilkos own brand stuff.
She wants to do ballet so getting ballet outfit and will pay for classes in new year.
Theres couple items of clothes she liked that are bit pricey so waiting until they go down in sale.
Shes normally happy with whatever quite lucky and 50pounds should buy her lots of presents she likes.

Plus we doing few xmas daytrips to see santa and outdoor iceskating which is extra money.
She recently had lots of new clothes, she needs new shoes and always gets special xmas day outfit which she can then wear to parties too.

I only just spent 80pounds on her termly gym/cheerleading classes which she enjoys so does get quite abit throughout the year.

My 14month old even trickier as shes barly aware what xmas is and has all her sisters old toys yet shes more interested in pots and pans/utensils.

I was lucky brought her 2nd hand wheeley bug they normally 60-60quid new and we just put laminate down so hopefully she will like that. brought 3second hand toys at nearly new sale.
may get her few new toys and special outfits.

My 12year sold stepson on other hand is very demanding and budget is always bit larger than we can afford.
Reason im mad about him wanting x box is he already has one as his he plays on is stepdads, has other consoles plus home pc so feel its a waste really and would rather get him something else.
We got him bike xmas before last, last year he just got money as thats what he asked for plus we brought him 3mobiles in past year.

Feel buying x box whilst at same time struggling to pay creditcard a no brainer personally but its his son and hes committed to it now.

I feel families should spend what they can afford personally.
We all love to our means.
I just hate to see families go into huge debts or go without paying vital bills like food, rent, heating just over kids presents that they may not even remember or be bored with in few months time.

A lot of families on mse are struggling either due to debts, loss of jobs and everything going up so dont think its matter that people being mean or tight for tights sake they just trying to prioriterise and ensure essentials are paid for.

We have some debts and when we debt free plan to take family to disneyland!

Sometimes its about seeing the whole picture and the end game if that makes sense.

Our budgets for xmas and birthday are different each time depends what she wants, needs and how much money we have last year bike was 150 but went halfs with mil.

Im sure as my daughters older I will then have pressures of ds,s and laptops but at moment enjoying the simple life of just plain toys.

Birthdays are normally more low key too but I actually like to ensure we go on family holiday once and year or few nice daytrips as thats builds memories that last longer than how many presents I brought her!

As for issue of peer pressure feel its probably worse at secondary than say primary. we live in very affluent area, daughter goes to good school always admiring the flash cars in carpark but when I get talking to the owners/parents of these flashcars in playground they tightening their belts and first inline at nearly new sale or telling me proudly how they shopped around to find stuff cheap.
Think everyones just tries to stretch money as far as they can by buying in sales, discount codes and some 2nd hand items ect .
At moment daughters in reception so not sure if there will be much talk of who got what for xmas and her freinds being judgemental.

Hubby gone to pick up eldest and pop get some milk.
babys finally napping as was shattered.im taking short break from housework before I start tea.

Still no news on job hubbys assuming he wont find out today.:(
Last 2interveiw different companies he went for heard nothing back feel its so rude and unprofessional considering last one was 2nd interveiw.

Nicoll

Just to stick my two pennies worth in. I don't think there is a competition here to spend less on children, maybe on the spend less on groceries, where a bit of healthy competition can only be a good thing. I've seen plenty of posts where people have been proud to have saved on things like the groceries so are able to give the kids a bit more of a treat.

I don't have kids myself so can't comment on how much is a "normal" amount to spend but must be better to have unstressed parents????

crickett1234

I don't have children but I do have godchildren. Luckily, my friends are sensible parents and the children do not get whatever they want, whenever they want it. I was always raised to believe that Christmas was celebrated for the religious reason. Yes, it was a special time of year, but it was not an excuse to get whatever I wanted. My Mum and Dad always gave me something to wear (for Church on Christmas Morning), something to read, and something to keep me occupied. And that was it. I LOVED Christmas. I always got a surprise, I always loved it and I appreciated the efforts my Mum and Dad went to so I could have these presents. It did me no harm at all.

Fruball

UnderPressure wrote: »

...more debt and ccj's and bailiffs than you could shake a stick at

............

LESSON LEARNT! Well and truly spoling them does them no favours take it from me you WILL end up with a spoilt brat that is more likely to get into debt themselves when they are older.


Sorry for he long post I ust felt the need to share my experience with you all, it is far to easy to feel a failure as a parent when you cannot provide this that and the other when truth be known it is all irrelevant anyhow.........................

End paragraph is interesting... in contrast to the recent post, this older one from the same poster says it is all "irrelevant"