Broken down and very scared

the_mollusk

hi! same as a lot of other people on here, just wanted to say i've sat here for about an hour (er, s'posed to be working...) reading through your thread with mouth wide open. what an incredible story and what an amazingly strong person you are, you're inspirational. really hope everything works out for you, you blimmin well deserve it. x

Flee_2

Good luck LMT, you have been through a lot and I hope you really do find happiness.

little_miss_T

DS4215 wrote: »

If you really have £269 left over at the end of each month perhaps you could try some sneaky F&F offers to pay off some of the debts for lower amounts. Either that or just throw it at the smaller debts to clear some off (will make you feel better to owe fewer creditors) - you can just about pay off the top 4 debts in 2 months if you can scrimp an extra £32 from somewhere....

if i do this, do they tell me how much they want me to pay, and is it negotiable?

freckles55 wrote: »

As a two year veteran of a similar situation(only I am alot older and had been married 25years). You are doing well.
You are on a roller coaster of a ride and sort as much as you can with the energy you have going through your body atm.
You may qualify for benefits such as housing and council tax, also possibly tax credits. You can download some of these forms and fill them in over the weekend. Try doing them as soon as you can. The citizens advice bureau are brilliant at helping with these and with all advice. You may need an appointment with them as they are now very stretched, but will give you the time and expertise that you need. Again contact them asap.

You will survive. You will have times when you think you may not. But you will be stronger, and you will be happy again and smile at the world. There is light at the end of this murky and painful tunnel you just have to keep moving along it, even if you have a scream along the way.
You will be grieving for a life you thought you were going to have, so be very gentle on yourself and find people who love you along the way.

My heart goes out to you, and if I could give you an e hug I would. (((((hug)))))

Thank you

antonia1 wrote: »

You can get skype on smartphones, and there are some messaging services that allow you do text abroad for free (they work like BlackBerry Messenger). My flatmate is from South Africa and she uses one to text her brother ALL the time. I will find out what it is called and get back to you.

we use an app on our phones for a messanger service, so thats good and saves quite alot of money

little_miss_T

the_mollusk wrote: »

hi! same as a lot of other people on here, just wanted to say i've sat here for about an hour (er, s'posed to be working...) reading through your thread with mouth wide open. what an incredible story and what an amazingly strong person you are, you're inspirational. really hope everything works out for you, you blimmin well deserve it. x

Flee wrote: »

Good luck LMT, you have been through a lot and I hope you really do find happiness.

thanks guys

xx

Tebheag

little_miss_T wrote: »

if i rented a room the money would go to my mam, however, it would mean that i would get extra help towards the bills.. i will talk to mam about it.

£80 per month, thats the most i would ever spend, i only spent 40 for the whole month this month..

wotk hours etc make it difficult for me to go out much, on nights and things.. if i go out with mam and dad they usually pay anyway.. i have chosen not to drink because me an alcohol are dangerous together..

and, no, i havent quit smoking.. although i wish i could

xx

Also maybe you could get a reduction in rent as well from your mum for watching a lodger and making sure that they pay.
You'll need to give people tips on the food shop! well done
If you are still smoking £100 a month I have not seen this mentioned on your SOA which is I presumed you yhad stopped sorry ! i can understand with all the stress you have had over the months dont think i would be able to stop either.
Well done though sounds like things are finally on the up.

claire16c

little_miss_T wrote: »

It's things like when I'm at work we call eachother and we wake each other up on a morning etc.. During the day when I'm off we use skype etc

Isnt it harder to skype in the day when youre off as its the middle of the night in Oz whereas in the morning its evening there?

Maybe you just need to restrict yourself to only speaking when its free, and dont do it when you are at work for example.

I have a friend in Oz who I speak to nearly everyday on facebook, skype and email, and dont spend a penny! Could you send a facebook message from your phone instead of a text? Depending on how much it costs to use the internet on your phone of course!

My husband used to be abroad with work and we spent hundreds on phone calls but this was before skype was invented!

little_miss_T

If it's 7am here its 4pm there.. So we talk on my mornings and my night times.. He calls me to wake me up then we talk on Skype.. We use a messaging app on our phones so that doesn't cost us anything.. My phone bills will get better when I get back though as I'm getting talk talk activated and I get calls to his landline unlimited in my minutes.

Triggles

Something to consider...

Your SOA shows £269 per month available after everything paid, but that's not really accurate, as you are still smoking. So that's really only £169 per month (basing that on your previous £100 per month for smokes figure). Regardless of it being a relative that is your landlord, you still should have contents insurance. And are you realistically spending £0 on entertainment or gifts/presents (family birthdays, christmas etc) for the year? And no emergency savings?

I would say realistically it is going to take you a good 12 to 18 months minimum to be in any position to move to Australia. You could be using that time to get some of these debts paid off. I'm sure you've heard it a hundred times before, but consider checking into the NHS stop smoking programme. Why waste £100 a month if you can kick the habit and have that money towards your debt??

You have been through a rough patch, but don't take offence at the advice of those who are advising caution. Some of us have been there. It's very easy to jump from one abusive relationship right into another. Nobody wants to see you jump from the frying pan in the fire, so to speak. And yes, I know you'll say "but he's different than H." Yep, and he probably is. But then... I would imagine when you married your H, you never imagined he would behave the way he did either. It never hurts to simply be cautious.

Much as everyone is pleased that you have a holiday in Australia, keep in mind that the more money you throw into the holiday, the less money you are using to pay off your debt. I can guarantee you that if you are paying reduced amounts on your debt and getting interest frozen, it doesn't look good that you are saying you can't afford your debts but you can swan off to Australia for a few weeks for a holiday. And before you get defensive, you must realise that this all comes under the heading of "priorities." The debt payments weren't reduced so that you'd have more money to take holidays abroad.

As I said, I agree you've been through a lot in the past year. But you did ask for advice, and there will be some perhaps that you don't like. But that, as they say, is life. I do feel that you need to rethink your priorities just a bit now. It's hard to do, I know, and we all struggle with it here and there.

pipsqueak1

...you can't legally change the locks.

geoffky

pipsqueak1 wrote: »

...you can't legally change the locks.

Yes she can!!! You can change the locks to keep your nosey landlord out as well as long as you change them back at the end of the tenancy.