Broken down and very scared

makavelianz

I love this forum and people on it, lot of advice here and most of it has been postive, nice to see folks come together to help somebody who realy needs help, thats what its all about. little miss keep your head up, lot of people in much much worse postion then you have come out of it strong.

maidofrohan

Just seen this and I think you're doing amazingly well. Big big well done for keeping it together and sorting the nitty-gritty stuff out. Le Hub should be utterly ashamed of himself. He doesn't deserve such a brilliant woman. I've been in a similar situation (not married but have a son) and it isn't easy but accept all the help you can, and don't be afraid to ask for it. Once you get back to your folks place, blitz your debts, get a load of dollar saved up, divorce the Hub.... and then the world's your oyster!

It's a lovely feeling when you know you're taking the practical steps needed to get yourself sorted. Before you know it, debts will be gone and savings will accrue (I'm at that stage now and it's great). Wishing you all the very best x

little_miss_T

Hi guys. I have just rang the estate agents to tell them the situation and tell them
That I need to move out, and they told me that I have to give 4 weeks notice to end the tenancy, which means I will have to pay another months rent. They said that they can transfer the bond but they will need to inspect the property to see if they can do that, but I haven't got time to get it all sorted for them to do that, so im stuck here for another 4 weeks. Any advice? xx

josephine82

Hi Miss T

What does your tenancy agreement say?

Josephine x

JAR36

Hi. I've just been reading this thread. It's an appalling thing that has happened to you. This man should be thankful that you're not part of a family like my husband's, because if he were he'd be in shreds at the bottom of a canal by now.

You do have some real advantages though, such as:
* Being married, you have legal claim over joint property and (through the divorce courts) you can get something back.
* You don't have kids, so once the divorce is final you never need to think of or deal with him again.
* You have family to help you.
* You're young and you've obviously got plenty of guts, so once the shock is over you will be just fine.

As the last poster said (sorry, forgot to look at the name before I started posting this message), check the tenancy agreement very carefully. If it's expiring and coming up for renewal and you haven't asked for it to be renewed, then as far as I can see it is ending and you don't need to stay. On the other hand, if it rolls onto month by month, you might have to. Check exactly what it says. If you have to give notice give it now. Bear in mind that you don't need to stay in the property even if the agreement lasts another four weeks - you can move out and move to your parents where you've got the company and support. It also means that there's no way he can get hold of anything else that's in the flat. Bear in mind that just because he left a key doesn't mean he couldn't have taken a copy. Once you've gone, you can give final meter readings and then the gas, electricity and water bills come to an end too. I would strongly suggest moving in with your parents and getting that sorted before you move in somewhere else, even a family house. Get one lot of issues sorted.

Regarding your salary, there is no way you want this going into your joint account even for a second. You also don't want any transfers set up on their, because he can access the joint account and find out your new bank details and, if he's quick, get the money out before it gets to you and then your transfer could fail or leave you with an overdraft. Go to your payroll people again and explain the situation. Get down on your knees and beg if necessary. If they can't update the direct debit until next month, ask to be paid by cheque. If they really can't do anything, even in your special circumstances, ask them what time the money will be paid into your account and be at a cash machine or bank branch. If you can't, entrust your card to your mother or brother or someone and ask them to camp out and withdraw as much money as they possibly can as soon as it goes into the account. Once it's in your hands, he can't take it.

The joint account needs closing. If he has payments coming out of it, cancel them - his problem. If he has a cash/debit card for it, report it as stolen so it will be cancelled. Call or visit the bank and change whatever passwords etc are used to access the account by telephone or online. Change your pin. If you can reset his, do that too. If there's an overdraft facility on the account, cancel that. Do everything humanly possible to stop him getting hold of your money or running up anything else in your name. And as was said before, get a copy of your credit report to check for secret debts in joint names. You can add notes to your report that make it clear that they are nothing to do with you. You can then contact the lenders and make it clear to them that they have been arranged without your knowledge.

If you use your husband's name, you may want to consider doing a deadpoll and reverting to your maiden name and having any new accounts/agreements etc in that name instead. Inform any joint lenders that you have changed your name. It helps to separate you two, especially if he tries to do anything in joint names.

See a solicitor asap and file for divorce due to unreasonable behaviour. The sooner you get your decree nisi, the sooner you can start clawing money back. And it's a lot easier when you know where he is and how to contact him, even if he won't talk to you. A decent solicitor should not bill you until the work is finished, so you can pay out of whatever you get back. Better yet, file for him to pay the costs. I think he'd have a hard time convincing the courts that this is unreasonable.

On the subject of changing your mobile number, even if you decide not to do this, under no circumstances answer the phone when he calls if you're feeling low. Only speak to him if you're feeling strong. You may want to write a list of things you need to discuss with him and keep it with the phone in case he calls unexpectedly. Or you could choose not to answer at all and only call him on your own terms or instruct him to communicate through your lawyer.

Keep going and be glad you're rid of him.:j

RAS

little_miss_T wrote: »

Hi guys. I have just rang the estate agents to tell them the situation and tell them
That I need to move out, and they told me that I have to give 4 weeks notice to end the tenancy, which means I will have to pay another months rent. They said that they can transfer the bond but they will need to inspect the property to see if they can do that, but I haven't got time to get it all sorted for them to do that, so im stuck here for another 4 weeks. Any advice? xx

Please will you do what I asked and go over to the renting forum. Yes it says you have to give four weeks notice in your contract but that is illegal. You need to learn the law, not just put up with the crap your agency tell you.

Go here http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=&f=16

little_miss_T

Thanks RAS for starting this thread for me. I have had some good advice on the renting forum. I'm still having a really tough day today. Fell out with my mam and dad today, and I feel very very alone in all of this again x

NualaBuala

Big hugs Little Miss T, you're not alone pet. What kind of a falling out was it? I'm sure your Mum and Dad are worrying about you right now, they will want to see you back on your feet and happy ... though they may have their own ideas of what's best for you. Am sure things will settle down soon, just hang in there. xxx

misscousinitt

Just caught up with your thread and just wanted to lend my support...don't worry about the fall out with your parents - the last few days have been very stressful for you and I'm sure that tempers are a little frayed...it will work itself out - you are not alone. Your parents obviously love you very much from reading your previous posts.

Please listen to what RAS has said...

Good luck and (((hugs))) from me.

pinkduvetdiva

LMT, I can't offer any advice but I just wanted to say I think you're awesome! You should be so proud of yourself for dealing with the situation in the way that you have. Your idiot husband doesn't know what he's lost and should be slapped round the head with a wet fish (Shark? Electric eel perhaps?:rotfl:). Massive hugs to you and keep your chin up. xxx