Macgirl's "I Can Do Anything....If I Put My Mind to it" Diary

macgirl

Thanks Firewalker :A

I guess for the past decade I have been chasing my tail and now I have reached a point where I can breathe out a bit - and I don't know how to deal with it.
There are so many things I'd love to do but haven't had the time and now I can't think what they are/were....
I've found if I don't have something to focus on, I am prone to depression so to have free time is slightly unnerving. But yes, I probably do beat myself up and self-examine a bit too much too, I like to look in the mirror and know who I am, if that makes sense

The good thing is that if I can figure this out now, it might not come as such a shock when I get to retirement age!

And I'm all for people being rich if that's what their heart desires. I'd like to be comfortable but I just don't want it badly enough.

Take care yourself

macgirl

Good morning!

Well it's the perfect Monday morning here - pitch black and pouring down.
Lots to do today, it's the start of a new project, so I'm always full of gusto and enthusiasm. First though, I need to sort tonight's dinner, as I'm straight out to parent's evening. The first one for Little DD, so that should be interesting....workwise, she is thriving and is trying to read and spell everything.

Yesterday in the car I was testing her, with 3 letter words when she stopped and said "Hear this (meaning listen to this) b-e-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d, building" :rotfl:

I need to transfer some money as I still haven't done that, then shake a leg and off to work.

Hope the day treats you well x

museumworker

macgirl wrote: »

I've found if I don't have something to focus on, I am prone to depression so to have free time is slightly unnerving. But yes, I probably do beat myself up and self-examine a bit too much too, I like to look in the mirror and know who I am, if that makes sense

You just summed up how I feel about unstructured time/life! I am also prone to depression, and having a goal/focus means I put energy into it and can ignore (mostly!) the other feelings. On the weekends, I like to have something to do, even if it is just a trip to the park. Without it I can feel like I'm losing control. I don't know if I can ever change this aspect of my personality, or just need to accept it and recognise the benefits it brings (like the work we have done to pay for our loft conversion this year for example). However, I do find it exhausting so wonder if there is a way to
try and tame the beast (make small realistic and positive goals). Answers on a postcard...

Karmacat

macgirl wrote: »

I guess for the past decade I have been chasing my tail and now I have reached a point where I can breathe out a bit - and I don't know how to deal with it.
There are so many things I'd love to do but haven't had the time and now I can't think what they are/were....
I've found if I don't have something to focus on, I am prone to depression so to have free time is slightly unnerving. But yes, I probably do beat myself up and self-examine a bit too much too, I like to look in the mirror and know who I am, if that makes sense

The good thing is that if I can figure this out now, it might not come as such a shock when I get to retirement age!

How true this is! You've had your nose to the grindstone for a long time - now that the becoming-debt-free is confirmed, of course you need a period of reassessment .... thats what it is.

good luck with it all - I'd love you to keep posting about this, because thats the stage I'm going through - I've done half of it, but obviously with this illness I've really come a cropper. So all ruminations on this topic gladly welcomed by me :beer:

taxi73

you sum up perfectly how I feel.I concentrated so long on the debt and also the insurance money coming through to pay off the final debt took some of my achievement away so it made me a bit lost.
I also have to have something to focus on..hence the mortgage at the moment.

I also have lost track of what I want to do with my spare time.

gilligansyle

Hi mac

what you are describing is exactly what happens to people when they retire and feel they have no focus, so you're getting it out of the way early. It's probably made worse that you have changed your focus from spending to being debt free, and now that has gone too.

Hope the parents evening goes OK.

hypno06

Just popped in to say I can sooooo relate. We will get there, we all will xxxxx

Double_Trouble

macgirl I do know how you feel. I am wandering a bit aimless at the moment as I can't set any debt free aims as due to yet another reduction in income there is nothing spare to pay off debt. I did get excited yesterday about things but back down to earth with a bump today and in fact because I briefly allowed myself to dream about possibilities I feel lower than ever. Even went for a mid afternoon bath today as that seems to be the place where ideas flow but no zip nada and then felt really tired and went to bed for a couple of hours:eek:

Feel a bit rock bottom actually I am sure it is a reaction to recent events but its hard to pick yourself up again and have another go sorry should leave these downbeat thoughts for my diary but just wanted you to know you are not alone.

So glad you had a good family day we have had some too recently and it does help keep you sane

DTxx

macgirl

Good evening all and thanks for the comments.

Museumworker, I'm a bit of a self-help fiend (a la Bridget Jones :D) and have tried many books and websites. But fundamentally, I think depression is allowing yourself to get into a spiral of negative thinking. I did a brilliant free course online, after I had DD1 and after that never got it again. It taught me to break the cycle in as many places as possible and was really effective.
I have a tendency to over-think things, so just stop myself now and engage my brain in positivity. Also, finding an engaging hobby is good, as it forces the brain to make new neural paths with which to think in new positive ways. There is light at the end of the tunnel

DT you can come on here and say whatever you like, whenever you like. You have had such alot going on emotionally but have been so strong for everyone, it was bound to catch up with you.
I think you just need to have a bit of down time and fill up your cup again. The answers will come :kisses3:

KC and Taxi, yes I can understand what you are going through - Taxi, yours is like a sort of forced period of retirement, which you hadn't planned for, so I guess took you by surprise and takes time to readjust to. While it's great to be debt free and mortgage freedom on the horizon, there must also be a feeling of "Right, what do I do now?"

Gill, my Dad went through this earlier in the year and I think you're right. He turned 65 this year and has always worked for himself. When ever anyone mentioned the "R" word, he went into orbit! He loves working and couldn't bare to think that he had to give it up - in his head he's still 25.

He kind of went into mourning for a while, until he got his head into it and realised that it didn't mean he had to sit staring out of a window all day. Attitude makes all the difference, even if you are incapacitated in some way. I liked KC's saying the other day that she was "Brain Active". I think that is key

Hypno, you are on the precipice of a new and happy chapter in your life. I think 40 is going to be a nice, easy fit for you xxx

macgirl

Hello

Work has been a bit full-on this week, so I've been mentally too tired to post. Parent's evening went very well, I was glowing with pride - especially at DD1. She is such a good girl and very clever with it, so I'm very proud to be her Mum. She's is lovely and doesn't bother that her sister demands most of my attention. Talking of which, thankfully she has been much better this week and seems to be improving daily :j

Anyway, bought a couple more Christmas presents today in Asda - though I'm still behind my target of bought and wrapped for the end of November
Hope all's well with anyone reading