Call Me Callous if you like....but maybe i'm not.

Mustbeananswer??

I'm Martin (52) my Partner of 5 years is Jackie(52).



Jackie comes to stop very weekend as we share a Disco and Kids Party Business.We both have secure full-time jobs during the week.


I want us to live together and have wanted that since the first year.Jackie loves her independence and has an unusually strong bond with her son(26) who still lives at home and hates me with a vengeance.I personally think she is doing him no favours by still wet-nursing him.

Jackie lives 20 mins away...she has a HA house I have recently bought a really nice house and refurbished it.



I have read an article on here that states the cost of living alone would total £5,000 per person per year.Doing the sums I think that that has so far cost us £50,000 between us.

If the relationship were to last in this form another 5 years that would be £100,000.What I am in fact doing is investing big licks in her independence.....which I don't particularly want her to have.


This week I have put my foot down....**** or bust.



Take her son,our emotions and everything else out of the equation.It is financial suicide carrying on like this isn't it???


I'm expecting the Handbag Brigade to savage me now!!!:eek::eek:

F_T_Buyer

Erm, only you and your partner can work this one out.

iB1

I'm not entirely sure what you've put your foot down about. Can you expand on that?

One thing though - life isn't all about money. Obviously, since she has a son, she had been with someone previously. Maybe she values her own space right now, and maybe you should respect that.

mufi

I'm passing on this one. If I reply I'll get banned...

loracan1

Why don't you want her to have independence?

Why do you feel you're the one financing her independence?

And how would you envisage her son wanting to visit if you resent him so much? (or is it your plan that he doesn't?)

Person_one

Show Jackie this post, when she sees that you don't particularly want her to have her independence, despite knowing and admitting that she loves it, you may well find the decision is out of your hands.

LilacPixie

I can just find no words to express my thoughts.

aliasojo

Mustbeananswer?? wrote: »

Take her son,our emotions and everything else out of the equation.It is financial suicide carrying on like this isn't it???

Why would you take those things out of the equation? It's a relationship you have, not a business partnership. You can't make life decisions based soley on money.

You have a good relationship now but you want more, regardless of what your partner wants. Be careful about pushing too hard, sometimes it backfires.

I agree it would make more financial sense to live together BUT Jackie doesn't quite want that yet so what point is there in hammering out money facts? That's not going to change anything.

Mustbeananswer??

LilacPixie wrote: »

I can just find no words to express my thoughts.

Predictable responses.....


Need some help Fellers!!Isn't five years enough to sort out how you feel about someone???

I didnt want it to be an Agony Aunt thread!!!


Please look at this financially!!

Brb

Love is not about minimising outgoing costs.

Love is not about bricks and mortar.

Love is not about cutting ties with your children.

I'm afraid that any man that delivers an ultimatum to me would not get the result they were hoping for.

aliasojo

Mustbeananswer?? wrote: »

Please look at this financially!!

Split up then. Sorted. Your money will be your own and you can live cheaply by yourself.

I really don't know what to tell you, if someone is not ready for whatever reason, to give up their independence, then put up with it or walk away.