Life after bankruptcy?

Nargleblast

Nohope - you approached bankruptcy. You went through it. You came out the other side and experienced kindness from ordinary human beings along the way. Now is the time to change your name to something more aspirational, because while you still think of yourself as Nohope you haven't a cat in hell's chance of picking yourself up. Start with a name - close your eyes, what comes into your head? Peace? resolution? brotherhood? spark of life? new beginnings? Somewhere from out of the blue the name will come and then the new start will begin. But you have to open your mind up to it. Instead of saying "I can't do that" say "How do I go about doing that?"

Before you can drag yourself out of the pit you find yourself in, you have to open your mind up to the possibility of grasping hold of one of the many hands reaching out to help you. Those hands will always be there.

It's down to you now.

beanielou

Everyone else has said it better than me.
Except the hands of friendship that are reaching out to you.
When the time is right you can return the favour.
Its not charity, please dont let your pride stand in the way.
Take care x

ani_26

Maybe you are all right. But then everyone is different, and everyone has different coping mechanisms, and i've never been the same as other people. Maybe i should say i wish i was. But i'm unique, and no one has walked exactly in my shoes. Maybe i should'nt underestimate my own strength. Its easy to forget others sometimes have a strong support network of family and friends, even if they'd rather they did'nt.

MicheH, yes my diary always has been a place to offload, thats why i've had such misgivings about it. I never expected anyone to read it along the way. I think i tried my best to deter people from reading it, right there, at the beginning. I still have'nt read my own diary, and maybe i never will. But i'm sure the fact that certain people popped up with posts on a regular basis, probably kept me, what? sane? not alone, maybe, from thinking about, what? the way i've just taken 100 steps backwards again, today. Maybe i'd be horrified if i read this diary, one day? Think, was that really me?

Its difficult to make friends when you're not used to it, especially over the internet. Everyone seems to know everyone else on here, and i'm sure theres probably alot of this and that by pm's, which i really don't care for. What you see, is what you get with me, love it or hate it. Although my inbox is full, its full of almost every pm i've received since i joined the site, which says much about what they meant to me, and how they helped me through that time. And how few pm's i've received. For no other reason. Largely from people who i never see on mse now, which is a great shame. Mse themselves say, do no give away personal information about yourself, and i've already divulged much about myself, ( in my eyes ). People do say to me, you're a very private person, and yes i am. But i'm not as bad as my parents were. Nobody really knows me as a person. On the other hand, i know very little about any of you. I mean, really know you. But this is the internet, after all, and i think i'm right to be cautious, whomever it may insult.

I've had alot of life experiences in many fields as well, so if someone tells me 20 times to do or try something, i've usually already tried it 20 times already, myself. Not that i'm not open to advice, help etc. But i only need to be told the once, and i'll act on it, or not, if i've already tried, accordingly. So i've probably just rubbed a whole lot more people up the wrong way, but i say it like it is, and who knows how anyone is meaning what they say / write, on the internet. The same goes for texts. I've lost friends through texts, because they don't ' get ' me. They can't have been true friends. I think i've said before, you don't build frienships overnight, but i'm one of those people who, if they say they will do something, i'll do it, and never let anyone down. I won't make an arrangement and cancel it, even if i'm at deaths door. The same goes for work, too.

On to my name change, i have asked a couple of times, but i was told no. So i thought, oh well, this is Nohope's journey, what does it matter anyway? But since its been suggested, and may help me in the process of moving on? But to me, i'll always be Nohope. That sounds strange, because Nohope has been on the journey through hell. Who would want to be Nohope? Not me. But i am Nohope. Its me who has been on the journey through hell. Like everything in my life, its not easy to discard. So if and when it goes, it will be replaced with something totally unrelated, ( did i just say that )? I think its for the best. Something, as its been said, that gives me good thoughts when i look at it, ( which i had already suggested, way back ).


I'm exhausted, back to bed, now

ani_26

Back to resignation. I don' t have to go to work today, thankfully, because i don't have the money to get there. Checked my bank account. No change there then. Will have to use my car whether i like it or not, now, the only problem being i don't have money for car parks, which means its going to be extremely difficult to find somewhere to find to park my car for free. Half a tank left, will give me around 100 miles, but i don't want to run the tank too low, as it circulates all the carp from the bottom of your tank, around the engine, and i definitely can't afford a new engine. I'll just have to cancel the work i have. I'm not sure what to say. It does'nt bode well saying i don't have the money to get there. If i sit here and think about it for too long, i'm going to end up feeling like i did yesterday.So which is the best use of my petrol ? Don't start that one. Still at the stage where i'd sell my car if i could, but i know fine well i can't, i'm that desperate for some funds, and its the only asset i have. But i know fine well no one would buy it, as i've tried, when trying to get myself out of debt. Everyone wants an economical car these days, the cheapest car to run, you only have to go on the car thread. You've got to be a real petrolhead to have any interest or appreciate my car. Ignore the fact its too old, and done too many miles, these people don't appreciate a gem when they see one. Get another 100, 000 - 150, 000 out of the engine at least. But you've got to have a love affair /passion for these cars, to appreciate they are worth the money you spend on them. Who am i kidding. I need the bloody money, not the S****** car. If i could find a buyer today, i'd sell it, oh yes i would. Who am i kidding? I was looking on the internet last night and someone was trying to sell one, It started off at £2,500 and he could'nt even sell it for £500. Not that he did'nt have any takers, he had shedloads of takers, just none of them had the money. But back to the old scenario, if i sell my car, i'll lose my job, plus theres all the agro of buying an old banger, a friday afternoon car, and i may end up worse off than i am now. At least i know exactly what has been replaced on my car, and exactly how much money i've spent on it, and it would be like ending a 25 year marriage. Because thats what its been. But i need the * money, and i need it yesterday. Aside the fact i've got to spend another £400 on CAR at the end of the month, now i've managed to defer the insurance. Stop it. You're going to end up like you did yesterday, stop doing it to yourself. You have'nt got any money, theres nothing you can do about it. Just do something constructive today. Go for a walk.


Every cloud has a silver lining does'nt it? When i first realised i was on the road to bankruptcy, i could'nt face bankruptcy, because i could'nt face losing my car. Not because i'm materialistic. Oh, no, not for material reasons. Then, of course the scenario changed and i was going to lose everything, my home, most of my contents, car, myself, my dignity, my very being. Of course, i did lose it all...............


But against all the odds i've ended up with the one thing that gave me the most pleasure in life, did'nt i? Only because i'm a grafter, and i won't sit back, and allow the state to provide for me, even though it would be far easier, far cushier, would'nt it? Need car to work, work to keep car on road so i can go to work, blah ,blah, blah................................................

So try and focus on its positives rather than its negatives. The weather is improving now, so job number one. Get off your a* and fix the seals. I'm fed up of getting wet. Maybe take the roof off, this summer. I can count on one hand the amount of times i've had the roof off in 25 years. Stop being lazy and make the most of what i've got, huh? Try and start enjoying something again, after all, was'nt it always my dream when i was a child?

MicheH

Nohope wrote: »

Every cloud has a silver lining does'nt it? When i first realised i was on the road to bankruptcy, i could'nt face bankruptcy, because i could'nt face losing my car. Not because i'm materialistic. Oh, no, not for material reasons. Then, of course the scenario changed and i was going to lose everything, my home, most of my contents, car, myself, my dignity, my very being. Of course, i did lose it all...............

You lost most of your contents in the bankruptcy? They must have been very valuable if the OR took them.

How about that bike eh? Free (freecycle) and free to run, gets you out in the fresh air. Gets you to your jobs so you can work without it costing you an arm and a leg. Ok, so maybe extreme for you, maybe inconvenient but what I'm saying is think about how to get around issues. Think about the money you could save not having a mobile? Not having the internet for a while? Do you pay TV licence? Maybe quit the TV for a bit. Ok, so it's your luxuries, your pleasures in life. All extreme but you need to get a grip on your finances. You earn too much, you've said that, you obviously do because you can't get help. I cannot fathom that all because we get a little help....

What you're saying is you'll have the money one day, just not yet? When that money comes you budget and you budget hard. You get on your feet and then you can move on. Make something of your life, live that life you want to live and be in a position to save to treat yourself to life experiences.

Life is for living and mate if you seriously cannot afford to live, which is the picture you're painting, then do yourself a favour, do something.

Yes we're all different but I'm doing something about my circumstances. It doesn't cost me a penny to do my degree. I get the financial help I need. There's always a way.. if there really is a want.

Sorry I'm not a 'there there' person right now, I can't be. It has taken a long time for me to realise life is what you make of it, every problem can be solved, if you want to solve it that is.

"Where there's a will, there's a way" Who said that.. was maybe me gran lol

I don't want to be a hard hearted cow and look at my past posts, I'm not normally but it's time now to look at where things are going wrong and rebuild. Yeah?

ani_26

MicheH wrote: »

You lost most of your contents in the bankruptcy? They must have been very valuable if the OR took them.




No one can judge me or what happened in my situation. After all, is'nt that what mse says? We are not here for judgement.


Nor should i have to explain or defend myself.

No, my contents were' nt valuable at all, and for the record, the OR did not tale them. I gave many of my possessions away to charity, and what i did'nt take with me was destroyed or thrown away, or simply left behind. As the photographs of my home show on the website, i left my wardrobes behind, in perfect condition because the removal men would'nt take them out of the house, or dismantle them. I could'nt cope with everything on my own, and if i'd been functioning ' normaly ' , then yes, i should have sold them. But on the other hand, the money would have gone to the OR anyway, would it not?


Its upsetting to bring back the memories of seeing my furniture smashed to bits, or thrown away, by people who obtain job satisfaction, this way.

ani_26

[QUOTE=MicheH;41648180.

How about that bike eh? Free (freecycle) and free to run, gets you out in the fresh air. Gets you to your jobs so you can work without it costing you an arm and a leg. Ok, so maybe extreme for you, maybe inconvenient but what I'm saying is think about how to get around issues. Think about the money you could save not having a mobile? Not having the internet for a while? Do you pay TV licence? Maybe quit the TV for a bit. Ok, so it's your luxuries, your pleasures in life. All extreme but you need to get a grip on your finances. You earn too much, you've said that, you obviously do because you can't get help. I cannot fathom that all because we get a little help....

QUOTE]



Yes, now i know about freecycle, maybe i can look for a cycle, although its not always going to be a pratical consideration when i'm travelling 100? 200 ? 300+? miles to work. So maybe this will be a tad inconvenient although good for improving fitness.


Sadly the internet or my mobile i cannot class as luxuries, they are essntial tools of my trade, ( being self employed ). Without either i won't be employed. I don't class myself as overspending on either. My phone contract costs £25 a month, and my internet £12 a month, ( i've looked for cheaper sources ). Since i use unlimited minutes for work related calls, payg, is not a viable alternative

Tv? well yes i can forgo having a tv as i watch very little tv,anyway. I don't have sky, and never have had sky. I threw my main tv out when i moved, as it was around 30 years old anyway, ( could have freecycled, except i did'nt know about it then).


Reading about freecycle this week, and the relisation you have to offer something first, leaves me wishing i had'nt given / thrown everything away, as i have little left to offer.

MicheH

Nohope wrote: »

No one can judge me or what happened in my situation. After all, is'nt that what mse says? We are not here for judgement.

You forget I am an ex-BR

ani_26

MicheH wrote: »

What you're saying is you'll have the money one day, just not yet? When that money comes you budget and you budget hard. You get on your feet and then you can move on. Make something of your life, live that life you want to live and be in a position to save to treat yourself to life experiences.

In my self employment, its impossible to predict when you're working, how much you will be paid, or when you will be paid. Yes i've done some work recently and i'm awaiting payment, possibly on monday, though could be friday, or even, not at all. I don't know for sure how much it will be, because i doubt they'll pay me everything they owe me. Maybe it depends which side of bed the payroll clerk, got out of. In the meantime, well......................... They are not me. I'm just hoping it will cover the rent with a little left over for transport costs next week.


In the ' olden ' days, my diary was full with work everyday for months, sometimes the whole year. As i've said this week, i've no work next week, which has just changed as some work has come in, so i am working next week , now. But the work now tends to arrive with very short notification, a day or two beforehand. As for the mega job, i should have started this week, that is still awaiting confirmation

I wish, when the money arrived, it arrived as a substantial amount, ie £500 or £1000, like ' normal ' wages. But unfortunately it does'nt. It comes in dribs and drabs, making it extremely difficult to budget for anything. It just goes out on the next overdue bill, as soon as it arrives, and IF theres anything left over, it funds my expenses to work on the next job.

ani_26

MicheH wrote: »

Life is for living and mate if you seriously cannot afford to live, which is the picture you're painting, then do yourself a favour, do something.

Its easier for some, than others ???????????????????????????????