Life after bankruptcy?

crumbling

Morning nohope x

I'm totally with you on the sun glasses think! I get really tetchy if someone tries to converse with me without removing them. What happened to good manners? ! I tend to avoid such people now. I trust barely anyone as most of the people I thought were friends let me down badly when I needed help. Maybe its because I was always the giver? The person to turn to? Who knows why but my heart no longer aches for such shallow people. My circle of trust these days is miniscule.

I can only echo the thoughts on what was said earlier- letting go of so much of the life you know is very hard. It is grieving. I'm not totally sure that I'll ever stop thinking 'what if?' How would my life be now if I hadn't't fallen?

There's not a lot I can do about that though. Passing thoughts I try not to dwell on but I'm 5 years into my changed life so maybe it does get easier. Or maybe it just gets easier to block it out....

Try take some time out to rid yourself of your illness. Trying to struggle on with the attic will set you back so rest now and let your body get some strength back.

Oh lordy! I can't believe I've just said that! How hypocritical

crumbling

Apologies for the spelling! Tried to edit but can't do it without a proper keyboard. Technology. Huh.

savingwannabe

Nohope wrote: »

I feel really !!!!!! today and it started as the day went on yesterday. I don't know if its the flu coming on. Everyone said on the night out, they'd had flu. Or maybe its just all the dust and muck from the attic. But my defences are low, and this is making me feel worse. No time to be ill. Got to carry on, somehow, Time ticking, i'm getting nowhere fast, and no one will do the clearance yet.

I've had enough of everything. Its not only me and my failings. Its everything. I hate the world i live in. Superficiality. Full of disingenuous people, people who don't really care about anyone or anything, except themselves. I've always been a giver, and so long as you keep on giving, people will take. But they've taken everything i've got, and no one genuinely cares enough, to give in return. In fact some people may take delight in others misfortune. I don't belong anymore. No one belongs anymore. Whatever happened to old values and tradition? They are all missing in soceity today. I've even been knocked over in the street, deliberately, several times, as people can't be bothered to walk a few inches out of their way. What has happened to people? I'm no better. I've borrowed money i could'nt pay back, still can't pay back, and still might have to pay back? I don't know. I've nearly killed my self trying to do it, i've nearly killed myself, because if it, and still, theres only one way out, in my eyes. At least other people here are trying to help themselves, before it gets too late.The advent of this soceity, brings the internet, with its own failures. Anyone can pretend to be anyone, on the internet. I never trust anyone, until i can see into their eyes.You can see a persons soul, in their eyes. The advent of being 'cool ' to wear ' shades '. I always ask people to take them off. Because you can't see the real person. I'm a raving luny.

With the advent of the internet, who reads books anymore? There are so many books in my attic. I can never throw a book away. I've had to sort through them. The odd first edition. Wise enough to keep those. What for? They are of sentimental value to me. I don't want to sell them, but then they are not mine to sell. They belong to the OR? One book 110 years old. 110 years old, BH, and an annual that belonged to my dad, signed and sent to him xmas 1923. Every single book signed, with a message inside. No one does that anymore. But its not been about cash in the attic, its about memories in the attic. But what good are memories when these people are no longer around to have them. They're meaningless. Its all meaningless. The smell too. Its a distinctive smell. I know what it is, and its on everything you touch. How do you ever get rid of that smell. Is it exclusive to this house? How come you can still smell it so strongly. Only i know why. If i take things with me, won't i also take the smell, the negativity, but i'm frightened it will be with me, wherever i go

Thank you for posting NH and everyone. I hope a wise person is able to PM you with advice about this paying back technical stuff.

Oh my gosh, my heart is breaking. I am praying for you. All i can say is nice people i have met on here must have gone through this. And they made it. Some of the kindest people i know.

NH (I cannot call you by your full name any longer) you keep your books, they are part of your past. You are YOU, and amazing. That is why we are here, we can all see it.

Probability theory dicates there will be some good times and bad times, it will get better. The bad things will go and you will ride this storm and things will get better. This sense of despair will go I promise. It is NOT you, it is part of life's (so called rich) tapestry, do not worry yourself with these things "...you are a child of the Universe........" etc (Back i go to Desiderata again). Take it one step at a time. This will get better. We are here with you.

NH you know where i live, if i am by you PM me and i will come and help. You have many, many friends here. Bless you, SWx

ani_26

This is the first time i've gone back to my first post.I suppose i just keep moving on, through the thought process. I still can't read it all, but Desiderata. Why do i go to it in my darkest moments? I've said before, its for other people not for me. Why can't i take any strength from it? It won't fit in my signature, but maybe what will, will serve to remind me.

No i don't live remotely near you, SW But thanks for the offer xx

I have tried to change my name, and maybe i was a bit stupid about it, in a moment of euphoria. But on reflection, maybe Nohope is still how i'm feeling right now.

ani_26

Maybe this website is'nt such a ' safe ' place, after all. Mabe your emotions are'nt safe.

ani_26

The End....

crumbling

don't go nohope. All we can try to do is support others via empathy. Noone's stories are ever the same but we all have a purpose in life and sometimes to share our thoughts is healing.

Thoughts x
And I think I've managed to catch your flu via the interweb.

3Dogs

No Hope, I have read your posts today and am concerned for you. Some of us have felt that despair you now feel - that society is falling apart, respect has gone, the world is sick and there is no cure so what is the point in it all? why carry on? What difference does my life make? or anyone's life make? But then a flash of goodness comes along. A tiny speck of something good. A light at the far end of the tunnel. That make's you think that perhaps, if I can try very hard, there is a reason to it all. I can make a difference, if I want to. In fact then you realise that you don't just want to, you need to

I took my doctors advice and am on medication, which has been adjusted over a period, but, while it does dull your mind slightly, it dulls the pain and the sorrow and, yes, even the despair. It does help you to see things more clearly, enough to get you back on your feet and see a future.

Yes, there are still flashes of despair, but, with support, they go too.

No-one can do this alone NoHope, no-one. We all need help and support in one form or another, be it practical support from people or medical support from their doctor.

Seek help NoHope, here or anywhere, but please be brave enough to ask for help - it will be worth it - you must put your trust in somone, even if it is only your doctor

crumbling

thinking of you nohope xx

ani_26

Thankyou crumbling xx

I'm ok, as ok as anyone could be in my situation.

Maybe i should explain the reason why i've been so upset. It seems to me that some people play with other peoples feelings. Maybe targeting those who are at a low ebb or ' vulnerable '.

Yes - I did read the whole thread on saturday, where the 'trolls ' invaded. But it seems to me, a fight was deliberately created. And i've always said, theres no smoke without fire. Someone, somewhere must have had a reason to say these things. I was shocked and upset as i read what was said. Really upset. But then, i know life is full of disingenous people, and the internet is even worse. A screen to hide behind. But these are my raw emotions, from the heart. Too precious.

Now, after its all over, its a wonderful world today. A WONDERFUL WORLD, with no care in the world............................