Life after bankruptcy?

savingwannabe

No hope can you take anyone with you? It is always easier if you can. We are with you in spirit. I will pray and hope it goes well. You are in a very dark place right now. I feel so bad for you. You have inspired so many of us. We have felt like this or close to this which is why we all relate to you sweetie. You put your innermost thoughts down. We want you to express yourself to get it out of your system. I am praying and thinking of you today. I finish work at 9.15 tonight but will try to log on from work to check up on you. I do hope the hospital goes well. If you feel like crying, cry, who wouldn't do. I cry 20 times a day. Post ok, so someone can talk to you as noone should go through this on their own. We love you, sw.

Money_Fritter

Hi NoHope,

Just wanted to say hello, and everybody is here for you. I have subscribed to your thread and like SavingWannabe said "You are not getting rid of us"

Good luck today and I just want to say I think you are great and have amazing strength.

Money Fritter

crumbling

Catch up when you can nohope x
I'll pop back later if I can wake up. Totally drained today so I'm now going to do nothing for 2 hours. Not a jot. The phones are all silenced and my safe duvet calls.

And for once, I don't feel guilty about taking time out. This crazy world will still be turning when I wake up.

See you later mate x

ani_26

Thanks to you all for your kind words today. I suppose its still another stress to go through, even though i'm still ambivalent towards ' it ' .I just have to wait a few weeks for the results now. Round and round in never ending circles.

I'm sorry i missed you crumbling. I hope you are having a good sleep, chill, or whatever. Its something i've been saying for years, now. One of these days i'm going to stay in bed all day, and s** the world. I have'nt done that in years. I've turned down several days work today, too. Still getting the emotional blackmail. NO - As much as i want to go back to work, i've got to sort all this out first, either way. I can't do that if i'm working. I'm sorry i don't know too much about your situation, crumbling. For the first time in my life, i'm too wrapped up in my own situation, It sounds terrible, i know. xx

I'm now overwhelmed and embarrassed, to some extent, with the support i'm getting here. What started out as very private thoughts to myself, only, that now, maybe some people are reading. And copyright. People trying to emulate you,too I did'nt think of anything like that, when i found this site, in inner turmoil, still in inner turmoil. My god. Are'nt i already pushing the limits, by writing this, something i've become increasingly aware of, as people admit to reading what i've written. I always thought i was rubbish at english at school. I was certainly never in the top few. I've always classed myself as jack of all trades, but master of none. I can do most things, badly, in my opinion. But then i've always been too hard on myself. This is where i start crying. Do i continue? Or do i stop? Because these are my very real thoughts and emotions. I have issues with trust. Can i trust, ostensibly, the whole world, with my thoughts and feelings

It has been suggested here, that i'm depressed. I, essentially don't think i am, and neither does my gp. You're going through so much. If you feel you can cope ? No, i'm not on medication, and maybe i should be. But i would always refuse. Because i like to have the clarity of mind, as best as i can muster, myself. I've always been seen as strong, they don't need any help, they can cope. Welll, i bloody can't now. For the first time in my life. I always see the strengths in myself, as weaknesses, whereas others see them as strengths. Because i show my emotions, where others can't. I'm not ashamed to cry. Its how i feel.

I've always seen things as black and white, Theres no shades of grey. Its either this or its this. I personaly think most people seem to go through life on a plateau of varying shades of grey. Quite seemingly happily. I wish i could do this. But no, its black,or its white, this or this, no in between. Looking back, i suppose i've done lots of things, many other people would love to do. I suppose i've achieved alot too, although i feel i've always under achieved. I learnt to ski, quite late in life, and i was so hopeless, that everyone laughed at me. Right, no one ever laughs at me for not being able to do anything. Most people would have said, this is'nt for me. Not me. Red rag to a bull. I'll learn to ski better than you can. So i learnt to ski to the level where i was asked to take a ski instructors course. my dream. The dream job. But i did'nt do it. Why not ? Because i still did'nt believe i was good enough. I'm rambling now

beanielou

You are not rambling.
You are just saying what you feel.
There is no harm in that.
Take care xx

3Dogs

I often find answers when I write things down NoHope - not always the answers I want, but answers anyway. It is sometimes only when we see thing in print that we actually believe them and realise what is happening around us and inside us

Ramble away NoHope, rambling is good - rambling is how our brains assess things so our hearts can understand them
Speak soon

savingwannabe

Damn I like you. Are you a female Holden Caulfield (Catcher in the Rye) in the UK????? i love your writing style, i love the way you think. You might feel tired, exhausted and desolate but your writing is so dynamic and soo alive, you feel things and you express things in a better way than most of the living people i know. Can you imagine your strength when you start to recover? Nothing will stop you. Well done on making it to and from appointment. You have some fantastic new friends on here. Looks like they agree with me. And you are extremely humble for a sax player.

crumbling

Another day nohope. Good morning.

Please don't feel bad for not knowing my 'story'! I too keep things to myself, trying to make sense of everything in my own world. One of these days I'll disappear up my own backside from going around in circles.... apologies but I'm not feeling very eloquent at this time in a morning!

I did enjoy my sleep-it was more of a semi coma rather than a nap I think. First time I've felt able to do that in ages but at least that's one thing I can control-my duvet! Not much I know but I'm starting to feel less 'bad' about the way things have turned out so far in my world. Not sure why or whether that feeling will last but hey ho.

I have my phone interview from o r at 9 30 and after that I'm actually going to do something I enjoy. Maybe paint. Make some jewellery. Hammer some copper til its changed totally. Who knows..

Sorry, I'm rambling now and I only checked in to see how you're doing.

X
Ps skiing? ! Wow! I have trouble staying on my feet on firm ground!

savingwannabe

Good luck Crumbling.

ani_26

SW I can't believe some one has said those things about me. Thank you so much xx

I'm afraid Catcher of the Rye is completely over the top of my head. I've vaguely heard ot it. Is is a tv series? If so , i've never watched it. Sadly i don't have a clue what you're talking about. I'm a big fan of reality tv, and i hold my hands up. I cried when BB finished. Most people say to me, ' Oh you don't watch that rubbish, do you ' ? Yes i do, and i'll bet you do too. I love psychology, and i'm a great people watcher. I love watching how others interact with each other, ( i bet you wish you had'nt invited me to your thread now, SW ), and i analyse everything. One of my faults. But thats me. Yes, i'm not stupid. I know people in recent times have been hungry for the fame, but i watched it from day one. It was still interesting / amusing to watch. My summer will be empty without it. Sad person.

Crumbling Do keep posting here, you're more than welcome, its good to see you. I hope your telephone interview goes ok xx I'm sure it will. No one can be in as big a mess as me. Take comfort from that thought.

BH its 1st october today, is it? S***. Panic is setting in now. So much to do. I missed out on my walk yesterday, and now the weather is horrendous. I woke up with thoughts spinning round my head, and in hindsight i should have got up, and come here. After that posting last night. Its nearly 10 o' clock. i must get up in the attic and finish it today. Its taken me the best part of a week, along with other things. My diary will have to wait until later. After all, the attic is all part of it.