Life after bankruptcy?

recoverydust

It's hard not to feel your rage and dispair,Ani. No one can really understand the hideous position that you find yourself in, except those similarly afflicted by the system errors you have suffered.
As for the audience here on MSE, there are those of us who understand, some who care and there are those who for a million reasons will not understand and cannot care.
For what it's worth, I believe you have extra ordinary courage and determination.
Also you writing is a powerful indictment. I would like to return your thoughts to writing for a less narrow audience.
Please keep in touch
Xxxx
Dusty

ani_26

Erme wrote: »

I feel pants and I feel cold...how are you dealing with the cold?

By putting the heating on? because it is VERY cold here.


It doesn't matter how many clothes you put on or how many hot water bottles you use, this place is still DAMP. Yuk. Not good for your health.

Still, i'm sound in the knowledge i can monitor realtime cost, albeit i only put the heating on for an hour. I still sit here freezing until i can stand it no longer.

The next bill is due, which i live in fear of. Literally.

What a way to live.

ani_26

recoverydust wrote: »

It's hard not to feel your rage and dispair,Ani. No one can really understand the hideous position that you find yourself in, except those similarly afflicted by the system errors you have suffered.
As for the audience here on MSE, there are those of us who understand, some who care and there are those who for a million reasons will not understand and cannot care.
For what it's worth, I believe you have extra ordinary courage and determination.
Also you writing is a powerful indictment. I would like to return your thoughts to writing for a less narrow audience.
Please keep in touch
Xxxx
Dusty

I am seriously at an all time low. Looking back, i don't know how i've made it so far. All those months when i only had a maximum if £50 a week income. That wasn't after i'd paid rent, ct, bills, food, etc. That was it. £50 a week. Not enough to even pay the rent each week. No wonder i ended up with so much rent arrears etc. Looking back i can't remember how i managed to survive possession orders on this place, court orders on council tax. All for the second time in less than two years. That's real poverty, at its core. Maybe that's why i still can't settle here, despite everything that's been done on this place. It has to be said i guess, the only reason i made it, at one point, was due to the kindness of a few members on mse, for which no amount of thanks will ever be enough. The slow cooker, words can't express what difference that made to my life, when you are at the point you don't even have 20 quid to buy a slow cooker. The 10p shop has undoubtably also been a huge factor in me being able to eat fresh ( well, you know what i mean, not exactly fresh,) food, and the slow cooker to cook it.


It's almost a year on this particular journey, now and even to me, it's incomprehensible i'm still fighting the same battle or the same cause. There's only so much anyone can take and i'm reaching my limit? During this time my health has deteriorated to the extent it is going to take me even longer to recover? I can't imagine it, to be honest. Imagine if I had not got out of bed for almost a year? It doesn't take much imagination to work out would happen. No one would have missed me, and that is very sad. That is probably the saddest part. It probably sounds ridiculous to most people, but there are many people out there, in the real world, in similar positions. Indeed, i wouldn't know if anything had happened to my very elderly next door neighbour. However, they seem to have visits every day from family, helpers etc. Well, i've gone off on one of my oh woe is me episodes, but i'm afraid that's how it is right now.

ani_26

Urgh. I'm back to how it was. Not sleeping well, worrying about having enough money to live, worrying about all the stupid things i shouldn't have to appeal against, and i hate to admit, i feel lost. That's the thing which is now upsetting me the most. Stupid, stupid, stupid. My life is one mess.

kerri_gt

Ani, I'm so sorry for not being about much recently, somehow the hours in my day just seem to flit by and before I know it, it's bedtime. Don't apologise for anything you write in your diray, it's your diary so you can write what you like, and if people don't like it, well they don't need to read it xx I'm sorry you're not feeling so good at the moment, Recoverydust summed it up well (as always) that you have faced everything with the most amazing amount of courage and determination. It's just cr*p that someone like you ends up in such a situation, where there are others sat on their fat backsides creaming the benefit system for all it's worth :mad::mad::mad:

on a brighter note, any chicken stew going spare, sounds lovely (ps I found a recipie for suet free dumpling if you want it?) xx

ani_26

kerri_gt wrote: »

Ani, I'm so sorry for not being about much recently, somehow the hours in my day just seem to flit by and before I know it, it's bedtime. Don't apologise for anything you write in your diray, it's your diary so you can write what you like, and if people don't like it, well they don't need to read it xx I'm sorry you're not feeling so good at the moment, Recoverydust summed it up well (as always) that you have faced everything with the most amazing amount of courage and determination. It's just cr*p that someone like you ends up in such a situation, where there are others sat on their fat backsides creaming the benefit system for all it's worth :mad::mad::mad:

on a brighter note, any chicken stew going spare, sounds lovely (ps I found a recipie for suet free dumpling if you want it?) xx

Hi Kerri :hello:

I've exhausted chicken now, time to move on to something else, ( which means i'm fed up of it.) I'm sure you've mentioned that recipe before. Would you pm me it please? Veg, dumplings and gravy. Mmmm. Poor mans food, but filling and yummy all the same.


I can't believe i am having the same problems so far down the line, despite the involvement of so many professional bodies, in the " real " world. I now have five factions monitoring my position on a weekly basis. Its incredible, isn't it? Yet still, no one can do anything about my situation. It's all down to one person in gods office. My life isn't my own, other people are totally in control of it, so many people know every intimate detail about my life and my finances, down to what toilet paper i use? and i'm still having the same arguments with all concerned. Unbelievable. No one could ever accuse me of not doing anything to help myself.

I was going to write something else. But i won't

kerri_gt

Ani, you have mail x

ani_26

kerri_gt wrote: »

Ani, you have mail x

Thanks kerri xx

Mind you, i think that recipe should be public knowledge. How many people cook oxtail these days? I wonder? Definitely :eek: to the red wine, but i'm sure it's not a necessity. I never buy butter either, but i'm sure that can be substituted, too.

It's strange when you look at a recipe and realise how many things you don't have in a " store " cupboard. I would have to buy almost every ingredient making it hugely expensive for me, even down to the eggs. Makes me realise i have a very basic store cupboard which has lasted me an eternity, and how much i rely on the 10p shop for survival. I shall definitely try it in some format, though. I'm a great one for improvisation. Sometimes all you need is the guidelines.

I've had enough of chicken for now.

Anyone for cauliflower cheese?

Got some gorgeous caulies this weekend.................:rotfl:


More than i can eat.

beanielou

Oooh I love cauliflower ~ especially raw
Chuck us one, ta.

ani_26

I have just received a pm which has been an odd sort of reality check, if you let your barriers down, there are people who care? I should know that by now, shouldn't i?

My diary has only ever been a carrier, if that's the word, of my thoughts. That's probably why it's been " accused " of many things, because it's not a plan as such. It's just my thoughts, and if my thoughts are negative because i've experienced so many negative things. No amount of positivity seems to stop the negative happenings, and the effect it has on me. My resources are low and now unable to cope with the smallest deviation to what i want or think, should happen.

I started to wonder, over a year ago, what would happen if the unthinkable, were to occur.. I have been told many times, even accused, i have a brick wall around myself, and it's too much like hard work for most people, to chip away at that wall, brick by brick. What happens when the wall is chipped away? I didn't even realise at first. But then i started to think. And worry, to some extent. What was of huge importance to me, might not be, to someone else. Why do people surround themselve with a brick wall? For one reason alone. Because it leaves you feeling like this.