Life after bankruptcy?

JMV

Just popping on to see how you are doing and to say a big Thank you for the mention and the support in one of your posts

It feels quite lonely when you are sitting alone in front of your computer and being bombarded by 'criticism' from a group of strangers....when it happened to me I assumed that everyone on the board felt the same way as the more vocal posters....I was embarrassed and humiliated and slunk away for a few weeks...

I don't consider what happened to us as being necessarily targeted by bullies or our threads being 'trolled' - I've been on a lot of forums and it's not my understanding of what a troll is...

HOWEVER, the definition of bullying is down to how the target feels...and is not for the outside observer or the 'perpetrator' to define...People who bully rarely see their behaviour in that light - they usually feel they have some justification for what they said (or did)...and it's funny, because so much of what they object to in the behaviours of others, are the behaviours they are displaying...it's called Cognitive Disonance. People who use bullying behaviours make the most convincing 'victims' - it's their natural line of defence, for their indefensable behaviour...if you use bullying behaviours, you've usually learnt them from a bully - the implication being that you were the victim at some point - it's a pretty easy switch between being a bully and being a victim

As someone said on my thread (I'm not going to signpost the thread - those that know what I am referring to will know) - "The board is like life, you will find all sorts of people here" - and that's very true....the trouble is, if you are going to set yourself up, in life, in some kind of advisory role, you have to face the people you are offering advice to - you have to learn to temper your advice to your audience...you have to learn not to use perjorative terms ("Pillock"; "Sad"; "Pathetic"; "Troll" etc)...you have to offer your opinions in a way that can't be miscontrued by the reader...You might be a "plain Speaker" in real life...but just be aware that if you choose to "speak as you find" on an open forum, people who are in a vulnerable state of mind are quite likely to misunderstand you and take offence....and people who are reading it may draw their own conclusions as to what kind of person you are! And I say that as someone who is VERY direct (and can be quite rude) in REAL life

NH...it wasn't my intention to hi-jack your thread with my diatribe...but I didn't want to post anywhere where I might insight more controversy...but, yet, had all these thoughts and feelings churning around...and I wanted to make certain that you know you are not alone in the way you feel...

I'll end by saying I hope you aren't working too hard, and that you are able to get a bit of sleep - keep walking (I know you don't have much time) you've been in a state of heightened stress for so long, your body needs some good hormones to help you recover - and to help you sleep...

Stay safe, keep well and take care of you xox

ani_26

Good to see you back JMV xx

I was upset when i saw what happened to you, but at that time, thought better of getting involved and standing up for you, for fear of being called a troll. As that term is bandied around this site so frequently, i'm unsure of its real meaning, anymore, and yes, i've used it, too. I'm sorry i did'nt support you, but then, i had enough of my own troubles at that time. Homelesssness. Still a real possibilty. Do you know, i think i've given up caring about anything, anymore.


Life after bankruptcy eh? There still is no quality of life. Exactly at the same stage i was last xmas, with the exception i'm actually bankrupt now. But still in the same financial position, with no money to spend, and its looking increasingly likely my car will be off the road again, soon, until i've funds for the mot and any repairs it needs to pass the mot. For gods sake? surely its got to pass the mot this time? It seems my diary has gone round, full circle. Never ending circles

JMV

It's a testament to how easy it is to miscontrue someone elses comments online, because I thought (at the time) that you were upset and critical of me...I didn't really care what the people who were supporting the person I criticised were thinking about me - but I DID care that I might have upset you....

I can empathise with the "When will it get better" feeling - I'm not in anyway in the same place as you are (I haven't lost a house, I haven't been seriously ill, and I do have some friends and family to offload to)...but I do worry about money (all the time), I do feel like there just isn't much point to continuing to fight and my car has been off the road for almost a year because I can't afford the MOT

I'm trying to think of some words of wisdom...some optimistic message that will urge you to keep your chin up and keep going...I don't seem to have any at the moment - so very unlike me

Here are a few quotes I think may be pertinent:

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
- Will Rogers

Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.
- William James

By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try the world is beyond the winning.
- Lao Tzu

I may be revered or defamed and decried; But I tried to live my life right.
- Tracy Chapman


Keep on Keeping on

ani_26

On a downer today. Should i, should'nt i post in my diary? I've kept having the gut feeling its not safe. When is it ever safe to bare your soul, and leave yourself open to be hurt. Xmas. I'm fed up of it already, and theres still another week to go. I'll be glad when its over. Then its the trial and tribulations of new years eve. I should'nt be so negative, after all, i'm accused of being negative. But this time is always a bad time of the year, let alone now.

I've still got the reminder, which i can't face. I've missed it because i've been working. I don't really want to go down that road again. After all, are'nt i starting to move on, now? If not financially, yet. But thats because i had so much time off work. I would'nt be in this dire straits again now, if i'd worked for those 10 weeks. Still, it just was'nt possible. I feel i should just let it go. But somehow its getting to me today. Maybe because i bumped into * today. Talking about it to a real person, just does'nt do any good. It just brings it all back, and its got to me tonight. I did'nt intend to say anything, but somehow where i live cropped up, and i said i'd moved. But why? you love that house. Yep, i sure do, but its been repossessed. When ? oh, last month. But you've lost everything you've ever worked for. Yep, thats true as well. How strange they said that, because thats exactly how i put it. They gave me a long, long hug. The first time anyone has hugged me, in a long time. Physical human contact. Its really getting to me tonight. I wish a had'nt bumped into them.

miggy

Hello NH,
Do you know, reading the latest page or so of posts on your thread, what strikes me forcefully is that both on here and in 'real life' (inverted commas because a forum is real, too), you have friends, people who are genuinely on your side, and that says something very positive about you.
In material terms you have lost so much, and no one has the right to have a go at you for that, but in terms of your character, you have so much. You have gone to the place where your body and emotions can't take more, but you're working through it. Eventually your emotions will recover, just as your body did. You recovered physically to the point where you got back to work. Eventually you will recover emotionally too, and be out of the black hole and able to enjoy the sunshine and smell the coffee once again.
Talking of coffee, I see you like Earl Grey so I'm pouring you a virtual cuppa, it smells delicious. Oh, and some virtual chocolate biscuits as well. Help yourself.
{{Hugs}} I got to go for now. Don't often manage to post but I keep reading.:)

savingwannabe

No hope. Reading the last few posts has made my day!!!

Helloooo No hope you have great friends - JMV i like you and one of Mike's mob - Miggy - and did 'Now' post on here? and Edinburgh Lass too (err you can't get better) amongst others. You have so many friends and i just want to say how proud of you we all are. Just spoke to Susan about you. When i was trolled i had steve,susan, george, andy and miche getting me through it and now i laugh at them. You have done it on your own. You really do have my utmost admiration. Can wait till you meet Mr Blind - he is an old hand on the Bankruptcy thread and will be sooo proud of you. He is v busy but will be in contact soon. After all you are 'The No Hope' and he has been told everything.

Trust Andrea ok she thinks of the site and its members. You keep posting and saying what you are saying. I am not bankrupt i am ill and could lose everything if i go blind again and i will need this site. It has helped me in so many ways and so have you. If you can keep your head whilst everyone else is losing theirs you are a (wo?)man my son (sic).... Remember Mr Kipling? Ok so you may not be a bloke - even if you are i dont care i love you and everything you stand for. Keep doing it. MSE exists for people like you and is run by people like you, it is strong there are a huge number of people that this has drawn together and what links us ? You - you have our admiration and deepest respect.

savingwannabe

Cake and tea coming up.


~Enjoy!

ani_26

Sod you, stupid diary. I'm through with you.

MicheH

No you're not.. check PM. check it might be an ED request IPOQ not neccessarily an IPA. What does the letter say?

ani_26

I suppose its only fitting i post tonight, the end of my annus horribilis. Maybe not such a good idea though since that gross cheap plonk is making me feel quite maudlin, now. Not a good thing.

Who would ever have thought i'd make it through 2010. Certainly not me. Oh no, most definitely not. But i suppose despite all the odds being stacked against me, i'm finally getting there? I've done it all, largely on my own, with little support from anyone else. A largely do it yourself bankruptcy, too, apart from you know who. Its all been a learning curve, as i had nowhere and no one to turn to, in the early days. But i've bloody done it, have'nt i ? Well not quite, yet. But i'm getting there.


Maybe the process of keeping my diary has helped, in getting me through that very difficult process of the house. It really hit home to me last night watching the programme about mike. So moving, and there are some good people out there. Maybe i should have been braver myself. But whats done is done. Its too late to dwell. Truthfully, i have'nt even watched the programme yet. Maybe i never will. Just leave it all behind me. Of course, my situation was completely different to mikes. The producer tried right up until the end to get me to agree. But i would'nt, could'nt. They said i would be innundated with sympathy from the public, would receive lots of offers of help and support. But i was too proud and too............. I just could'nt, at that time. Maybe looking back in retrospect i should have done. Now, part of me says they were just doing a job and got what they wanted. But did they? I got what i wanted. But did i ? No i feel they cut and run. I was still in a mess when they left. They did'nt really care, for sure. Maybe i never will watch the programme. I'd largely forgotten about it. But then i saw that programme last night. Its gone. Its all in the past. No one will ever know.



Today has been a good day. I can actually say, today has been a good day. From having no money yesterday, i'm now rich .I'm a millionaire. Well not exactly a millionaire, but thats how it feels to actually have some money in your bank account. Not that i can spend any of it yet. I've got to wait for the cheque to clear. But i went and checked in the cash machine straight after banking the cheque. Oh, it feels so good to see money in your account. Shame it did'nt arrive before xmas. Not that it will be there for long. Its already spent. Two outstanding bills have to be paid as soon as its cleared, but at least i have the funds to pay them, now.Then its back on the waiting for the next pay cheque to arrive waggon, hopefully in time to pay for my mot. It would be good to reach a state of equilibrium next year, and to know theres always actually enough money in my account at any given time, to actually buy food to eat. Thats my main target for next year. To get out of this state of constantly having no money at all, as what money i have, is always earmarked for transport costs to get me to work in the first place. But for now, i'll feel rich, for a few days at least.


Emotionally, maybe i'm still in a state of numbness. I still don't really feel anything. I know i'll never get emotionally attached to where i live, ever again. I can't call this place home. Its comfortable enough, theres nothing wrong with it, but it will never be mine. It serves a purpose, and its better than living in a carboard box on the street somewhere, so that, i have to be very thankful for, as there are others worse off than myself. The good news i received from the is this week, has made such a difference to how i feel, without a doubt. No ipa, ipo or bro. A chance for me to try and rebuild my life from rock bottom. Some people may feel i've not paid my dues, but to me the price already paid, was high. After all, i ' lost ' most of my possessions too. Except that bloody car. Heyho. The car i love to hate, but love all the same. The biggest drain on my resources. I'm constantly being told, get rid. Anyone who has ever known me always asks, do you still have that car? Yes i do. Get rid. What would be the point? I've now spent so much money on it, i'd be a fool to sell it and let someone else have the benefit, and have to start all over again on another ' banger ' . Better the devil you know.


I'm unsure whether i'm now so embroiled in negativity here, to continue my diary, and maybe i too should start a new diary, for 2011. Or maybe not keep a diary at all. But then i never was any good at saying goodbye to anything, and the thoughts i've voiced and , and the replies i've had, mean so much to me.

So i wish anyone and everyone reading this diary a very happy and peaceful 2011.


Love Nohope xx