Life after bankruptcy?

ani_26

startagain wrote: »

Nohope,

I thought long and hard before I started writing this post because there is so much I want to say but I am worried that it will come out wrong and also that it is YOUR diary. I hope telling you of my experiences will help you see that there is life after BR.....

I am in my 50's now and have ended up alone in a rented HA flat with only a small dog for company.
My "downward" journey to get here saw me lose my house to my ex husband through an awful divorce and an inept solicitor representing me. He now happily lives there with the bimbo that he was carrying on with during our marriage. I moved up North to be nearer to my Dad who sadly passed away 4 years ago.

I couldn't seem to get a job anything like what I was used to doing in the South and ended up doing two jobs - Night and Day, just like you. That went on for a year, until I physically couldn't do it anymore. I found another job that paid better - I worked 6 days a week, sometimes up to 14 hr shifts, but liked it. I seemed to be really getting on well in the company until my ex-husband started making threats that if I didn't sign the house over he would cause trouble with my employers. I eventually went to the Police but they wouldn't or couldn't do anything. The stress led me to losing the job and of course the house as well, eventually.
For 5 years I lived in a small rented flat with druggies and ex prisoners for neighbours. Debts were piling up and, like you, at some points I could only see one way out. In April 2009 I was offered the flat I am in now and although it was very run down it is in a great location and was a great project for me to channel myself into. It also gave me a garden and the ability to get a dog and I rehomed a small terrier in Dec 2009 who has been my best friend and saviour through some very difficult times. My GP has been superb as well and she referred me to a psychologist who I have been seeing regularly (and still see) for 2 years and he has worked wonders turning me from a glass half empty to very nearly a glass half full person. When the next crisis hits in my life ( and it is always when and not if) he always talks me through it and shows me that I can get through and over it.
In Jan 2009 I was made bankrupt as I just couldn't see a way out of my financial woes. I too was absolutely on my own but had enormous help and support from this site. To be honest it was the best thing that I could have done and I got ED in July 2009.

Six years ago I started a job working for a very successful company in a fairly lowly position but did well and was promoted to a fantastic job. Until....... rumours started flying around about relocation and redundancies and became true. I also became unwell and in Nov 2009 had to have a major operation that saw me off work for nearly 3 months. When I returned it was to enter redundancy negotiations which led to me being made redundant in
July 2010.

It took me 3 months to get a job and I now do 2 part time jobs that pay my bills and give me a little over. They are vastly below what I could actually do skills wise but that is unimportant, paying the bills is what counts. I also have time to spend doing other things.... walking in the fresh air, making friends with the neighbours, taking in the world around me. Things that I didn't do before.

I have spent Christmas and New Years Eve on my own but have decided that I am now ready to try and find some new friends. Our local Salvation Army does Christmas Day lunch for those who are on their own - next year I am going to volunteer to help.
I could go on and on but I won't, except to say that YES, there is life after BR. I post on this site because I want to be debt free and stay that way. I don't have a Credit Card anymore - if I haven't got the cash then I can't buy something. It certainly makes you take stock. I have counted pennies for basics, you are not alone.

Do you really have to work these punishly long hours? On a short term basis, OK, but it can't be long term. Being exhausted will not allow you to think straight and this will get you down even more. Is there any way you can rethink your work? One job and benefits perhaps, just until you are feeling stronger, mentally and physically?

I have not had a drink for 3 months as I found that alchohol was acting as a depressant and making me feel even worse. I was ringing up an abusive ex partner while drunk always regretting it afterwards. As much as I love to drink a bottle or more of wine I feel better for being clear headed and certainly stronger.

I think I am just trying to say that it is easy to feel like you are disappearing into a bottomless hole when times are really hard but sometimes you need to take one or two steps back and rethink a lot of how and why you do what you do for you to realise that you can make some small changes and things will start improving. Baby steps..... and all that.

I am sorry if this has been a ramble, it is difficult to get sentiments and thoughts into words at times but please do not feel that you are alone. This site has become my support network for a long time and there are many people on here who are so good and caring.

I wish you well...

SA

Thanks for taking the time and trouble to post start again xx

Please feel free to post at any time. It really helps, reading posts like this, and to know you are not alone. x


ps - the very cheap plonk was a one off for new years eve. Never again!



Nohope

ani_26

New year. New diary? I never was one to conform, and i don't feel my journey has ended with this diary, yet, after all, i'm still officially bankrupt. Maybe its only just beginning. Maybe its a start or a positive move forward to think, or speak, or have some feelings, about things which are important to me.

startagain_2

Nohope wrote: »

New year. New diary? I never was one to conform, and i don't feel my journey has ended with this diary, yet, after all, i'm still officially bankrupt. Maybe its only just beginning. Maybe its a start or a positive move forward to think, or speak, or have some feelings, about things which are important to me.

Keep this one going because it is far from being over - consider 2011 as the year that your life changed for the better. No, you are certainly not alone ... there are many, many people who are facing what you and I have been and are continuing to go through. Lots of them don't have the help and support that the members on this site provide - we are the lucky ones. They have seen me through debt problems, BR and a life that is pretty solitary.
I heard a vicar on the radio yesterday saying that people should remember that although Christmas brings great joy to some people, for others it is a time of great despair and I think people forget this.
That is why I am determined to get involved with something next Christmas and not be on my own again.
Try and think what your next baby step is going to be? Something that will push you a little bit forward and on to better things.
Have a good day.....
SA

p.s I will keep posting, don't you worry.

ani_26

Thanks, you made me smile x

The sad thing is when you get to this state, you really ' isolate ' which i have done, and are still doing. Maybe its self protect mode. I don't know. But there are undoubtably many people for whom xmas and new year IS a time of despair, because its perceived to be a time for families, forced joviality, and spend, spend, spend. Unless you are religious, and i'm not. Because is'nt this the true meaning of xmas, to some.


I did look into helping charities, and people less fortunate than myself, this xmas, because what better way to help others, whilst helping yourself. Shockingly, i realised i actually was a charity case myself, from the charity i looked at, i met all the criteria. You've got to laugh, hey......................................

HOPELESS_CAUSE21

I do hope you do not mind me posting on your diary? But I have found your words to be a revelation, I cannot believe how brave you are, just marvellous. I do hope you are starting to feel better and more positive? Pray tell what was the programme that you made? and was it ever given air time? These programmes are so wonderful and do help a lot of people. Anyway unfortunately my journey is only just starting and I do not know how I will cope with it all. God be with you, HC.

ani_26

HOPELESS_CAUSE21 wrote: »

I do hope you do not mind me posting on your diary? But I have found your words to be a revelation, I cannot believe how brave you are, just marvellous. I do hope you are starting to feel better and more positive? Pray tell what was the programme that you made? and was it ever given air time? These programmes are so wonderful and do help a lot of people. Anyway unfortunately my journey is only just starting and I do not know how I will cope with it all. God be with you, HC.

Maybe if you expand a little more in your diary, i'm sure there will be some one along to help you soon.


Wishing you a healthy and peaceful new year and i wish you well on your journey....


Nohope x

HOPELESS_CAUSE21

Nohope wrote: »

Unfortunately, this is the ' other ' side of mse that no one likes to see.

Maybe if you expand a little more in your diary, i'm sure there will be some one along to help you soon.


Wishing you a healthy and peaceful new year and i wish you well on your journey....


Nohope x

I am sorry but I do not understand what you mean, if I have somehow done something wrong then I apologise profusely. It has taken all my courage to actually post on here, I thought I had a connection with your words but maybe I was wrong, do not worry I will not post on here again, may god go with you and have a good 2011.

MatyMoo

Nohope wrote: »

I know. Its largely because i saw the programme, that i returned to the forum. It really hit home to me, as i made a programme too, although under rather different circumstances.

I am so pleased you have come back, there is always someone to share worries with on here :T There will always be some detractors and you just need to ignore them and rise above it - they have not walked in your shoes

HOPELESS_CAUSE21 wrote: »

I am sorry but I do not understand what you mean, if I have somehow done something wrong then I apologise profusely. It has taken all my courage to actually post on here, I thought I had a connection with your words but maybe I was wrong, do not worry I will not post on here again, may god go with you and have a good 2011.

Hopeless, I don't think you have done anything wrong in posting and I think there may be a miscommunication here. I think you need to just open up a little more, either in your diary or by a new thread on the Debt Free Wannabee board so that people can start to help you It is very brave to come on here and start posting in the first place so well done you But please don't run away!

Maty

startagain_2

Nohope wrote: »

Thanks, you made me smile x

The sad thing is when you get to this state, you really ' isolate ' which i have done, and are still doing. Maybe its self protect mode. I don't know. But there are undoubtably many people for whom xmas and new year IS a time of despair, because its perceived to be a time for families, forced joviality, and spend, spend, spend. Unless you are religious, and i'm not. Because is'nt this the true meaning of xmas, to some.


I did look into helping charities, and people less fortunate than myself, this xmas, because what better way to help others, whilst helping yourself. Shockingly, i realised i actually was a charity case myself, from the charity i looked at, i met all the criteria. You've got to laugh, hey......................................

That is the whole point of charity Nohope - to give doesn't have to be in monetary terms. It can be skills, time , a listening ear or just a pair of hands.
Isolation is something that we do for many reasons - it can be to self protect, it can be a feeling that no one else will be interested enough to want to be with us or it may just be that you can't be bothered to mix with others. I am guilty of all three, I know.
That is why starting on a very small scale is the best way forward. A local charity that is looking for volunteers perhaps? I know you are working all the hours under the sun but you may adjust that at some stage?
Even chatting on a forum is a way of mixing with others - it is communicating, a chance to sound things out with someone else. I must admit that it leaves me feeling a whole lot better when I have been able to put thoughts into words and not have them zooming around in my head causing all sorts of upset.
A trouble shared is a trouble halved and all that.....

SA

savingwannabe

Halloooo No Hope i have been good today. I hope you had a restful day too. It is v cold though. Have a good'un. Do you have a tv? There is actually some decent tv on - I saw Downton Abbey (check spelling on ITV) the other day and it was good to just chill. Make sure you do love, swX