Life after bankruptcy?

alastairq

hello Nohope....nothing knocks one's immune system for six like long working hours, and a bucket of anxiety....what can I say?

get better soon, perhaps?

or...go on a paracetamol diet?
[it'll help you cope with the symptoms]..

I have found it vitally important when on one's own, working all the hours, etc....to eat well and properly.

fruit and veg.. and treat yourself to the odd steak...or whatever high protein dead animal takes your fancy?

Forget the housework, simply eat and sleep....and do whatever it takes to keep warm and snug.

The time of year doesn't help....the cold, and dark nights, etc..


To aid the quelling of anxiety..[vulnerability], whenever you get a wage packet, take some out[whatever surplus can be afforded] and stash it away somewhere.

I know about security issues, etc..but I found nothing quells anxiety [and it's usually financial anxiety] like the knowledge there a hundred or two pounds stashed in a hideyhole within reach.

dunno why it gives a sense of 'security'....?

keep getting better...

miggy

Thanks for posting Nohope. I was getting concerned. I hope the day off helped a bit... yes, I think the long hours don't help your health, but what else could you do? You are doing everything you can and it's a punishing schedule. Maybe the cold weather will kill off a few germs for you...
I was pleased to see that your car's back. :T:T:T If your roads are like ours - sheets of ice especially off the main road - well. no wonder you are sticking to public transport. Here's to a thaw over the weekend.
Look after yourself. xx

ani_26

Thanks for all your replies guys, i really do appreciate it x

I was going to post here earlier, but somehow i got entangled with my antagonists over on the bankruptcy board. Its quite unbelievable. But so long as they continue to be antagonistic, i shall continue to be a troll, ( if thats what the definition of standing up for yourself is ). How very sad.

So its back to my negativity, in my diary. But i am still numb, with just existing, day to day.As for xmas, blah. I've no money for xmas, end of. Thats a fact i have to accept. No niceties. No nothing. But i still call that being realistic about my financial situation. If you've no money in your account, you've no money in your account.

Its been a long hard week. Going from not working for 10 weeks, to working full on, 20 hours a day, is taking its toll. Especially since i've been ill, as well. Only two weeks to go, then no work at all, again. Its always one extreme or the other. Still waiting for the majority of my pay to be deposited into my account. Its not going to happen until the earliest, late january. I was looking forward to being paid on friday, but the exact amount i was paid, was wiped out by my car insurance, the same day. So now its wait until payday for a small amount, next friday, and the neverending cycle of wondering when i'm ever going to get back on my feet, financially. No money for food, now, i'll have to manage with the few supplies i have. Spent the remainder of what was in my account on £35 worth of petrol. Got to get to work somehow. Its the first time i've put petrol in my car, since before i moved, with not having it for two weeks. Got to invest in petrol and car insurance, to get myself to work, in the first place.


Travelled all over the country this week. It was strange. I passed the ridge that became so much a part of my soul, the other day. Looking really bleak on the grey day. The ridge where i contemplated ending it all, before i finally conquered all it had meant. Bizarre, my obssession with walking, those last few weeks. I don't have any feelings about it now. Nor do i have any about my former home. Devoid of feelings and emotions. They hurt too much. Maybe i've become too expert at surrounding myself with that impenetrable wall, now.I saw a preview today. I did'nt even have any feelings about that. I'm not sure if i want to see. In fact, i don't think i do. I'm trying to put it all behind me now, and i should say, move on, although it does'nt honestly feel like i am, moving on. But i guess, i am, in real terms. Only time will tell, if i will. Should i? should'nt i. It has been a real oppurtunity, to rid my life. My ex neighbour left me a message this week. The locks have finally been changed, to my home. Well that took them long enough, did'nt it? A month after i moved out, and official repossession. Just sell the bloody thing now, then i'm truly debt free. Hmm, another untimely reminder, well thats ironic. Still no feelings. Its 6 weeks since my last meeting with the or, now, too. Still waiting to see if i get hit there. Do they let me know either way? These bits and pices keep hanging on to haunt me, until i can finally start to really move on. With the advent of 2011, starts the countdown to my own AD. Its passed almost without me noticing it, because in most respects, it just does'nt feel much has changed, its all just been a continuation of the same situation. Countdown to AD, which in effect, could still be extended. I should'nt tempt fate, by writing this.

I had a dream about cancer last night. Unsettling, even though i've had the all clear again, for now.I suppose this time last year, i was in the thick of that, too. But then, it was the answer to all my prayers. Has a year, really passed? I wish i could envisage some sort of of future for myself. Its a strange feeling, feeling in limboland.

ani_26

Whilst i have been writing my diary, it would appear the fact i am logged in has made me a target, yet again.

I really don't know why, other than i've been told, ' they' think i''m someone else, ( which i'm not ).

So in the event i don't get chance to post in my diary again, i would like to thank you all for your support. It has meant so much to me. I would'nt log in again using a different username, and indeed, i have'nt. I'm still Nohope. Not much has changed there, really. It has been a very poignant reminder, my diary, of all the trauma i've been through, this last two years. I'm really glad my honesty has helped some of you, too, along the way. Maybe its been a mistake to be so honest and bare my soul. ( that i have'nt got ). But whats done, is done. I should move on and say i've no regrets. I am already starting to put it all behind me, although as i've just said, its not completely possible, just yet. I should start to move forward. Maybe i will, one day. Maybe i'll just keep moving sideways, or even one step forward and two steps back, which is even more realistic.

Anyway, i'm rambling now, as ever.

My love and thanks to anyone who cares to read this


Nohope xx

So_Sad_Angel

Hi Nohope,

You have nothing to explain. Please don`t let them win ( I know its easier said than done) ...you have conducted yourself perfectly well IMO.

Try not to worry about the OR....you may never hear anything again & then you will have worried for nothing. What will be will be so just enjoy today & tomorrow remembering that everyday is a day near that AD date.

2 weeks of work & then you get a rest hopefully so try & look forward to a few days rest....maybe a drive out for that walk....LOL the ridge will still be there & as tough as ever.;)

Its normal to feel numb about the house & stuff....I was the same & still am even though I drive by my old place every day.

Take care,

Angiex

savingwannabe

Well done on the all clear for the big C. No hope look at what you have overcome- cancer, losing your home and being brave enough to post on here. In the process you have made many friends here and have touched us all and it will be a very different place without you. Please dont leave. You are a friend and i dont want any troll to do this. Ignore them, i am. You are more of a human being than any troll and i value what you post.

ani_26

Thanks savingwannabe.

I'm not sure you are right saying people would miss me, but you are right in that I am a decent human being, and i've been through so much, sheep are nothings. I may be a black sheep, because i'm not one of a flock of sheep. But i'm my own person, with my own individuality. I don't know how i can say that, after all i've been through, but somehow i've got to try and believe it.

I won't leave the forum. I've seen the, frankly, childish, gross messages on the trolls thread today. Not a thread i want to visit, since thats the very thread that is actually full of all the trolls, on this site .Quite ironic, really. I'm not even going to read certain threads on here anymore. So my advice to newcomers is - don't visit the NTN thread, ( on the bankruptcy board ), because thats where all the trolls hang out, ( with the exception of geebee, if you are reading this gb)

And geebee. My guess is the trolls have been targeting you because you have been nice to me. Which is a cardinal sin on this site, ( i still don't know why). But i thank you so much for alll those cups of earl grey, at 5 o'clock in the morning, ( as i'm an early riser too ). They meant so much to me. Just the simple fact someone cared enough to leave me a virtual cup of tea, every morning. It was always the first place i looked. Not anymore, sadly. But nothing ever stays the same.

Anyway, its making me feel quite maudlin now, so thats it, while i try and catch a few hours sleep, before the night shift. Another tough week, ahead.


Nohope xx

beanielou

Nohope~If you wouldent mind clearing your PM box?
Keep plodding.

ani_26

So much for a few hours sleep, but at least i've had one hour.

SSA, have you gone? Thats very sad. Even though i don't really know you, i felt there was such a connection, as i know you walk the same areas as i do. Still, i can't balme you. There is little point in letting complete strangers upset you. There are enough trials and tribulations.


So this has just been posted on the thread.

The BR site is a lifeline for many people at some of the darkest moments in their life, so please know there is help out there and dont be put off by unkind comments or unfounded accusations.

' Don't be put off by unkind comments ' . How unkind do they have to be, for you to be put off ? They are there for all to see. And more than likely, a ' regular ' on this site, has posted them. But i have to say, i hope that any newcomers that read the unkind comments that still remain about me on my thread, specifically that i am sad, pathetic, hypocrite, and i need to get a life, that i need to grow two, two what ? the mind boggles, will make any newcomer think twice , before posting, and run in the opposite direction. It seems to be a fact that this mse website simply does not care, and anything goes? But as long as the comments remain, then maybe some good will come out of it, and prevent other people posting and being upset by nasty comments.

savingwannabe

No hope i can guarantee Angel is here for the long haul she has been through it all and is a giver. No way is she leaving. Dont you worry.