Life after bankruptcy?

ani_26

Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 1
Number of children in household......... 0
Number of cars owned.................... 1

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 500
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 0
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 500

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 550
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 100
Electricity............................. 30
Gas..................................... 75
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 20
Telephone (land line)................... 20
Mobile phone............................ 25
TV Licence.............................. 15
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 12.49
Groceries etc. ......................... 0
Clothing................................ 0
Petrol/diesel........................... 100
Road tax................................ 20
Car Insurance........................... 50
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 100
Car parking............................. 20
Other travel............................ 50
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 16
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0
Haircuts................................ 0
Entertainment........................... 0
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 1203.49


Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 1500
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 1500

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
pawn shop......................1000......0.........0
Total unsecured debts..........1000......0.........


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 500
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,203.49
Available for debt repayments........... -703.49
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 0
Amount short for making debt repayments. -703.49

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 1,500
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -1,000
Net Assets.............................. 500

Created using the SOA calculator at www.makesenseofcards.com.
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission,




Most of my expenses are for work, ie i need a landline for pc and work emails. I need my mobile as it is used for work calls, ( as i have no friends who call me privately ). The internet is used for work purposes, the only exception being mse! All the car expenses and travel expenses are a rough estimate, and again, work expenses. In real terms, i should be saving £100 per month for car repairs etc, but it just does'nt happen. The £16 a month is for my asthma, inhalers etc, but i can't afford my prescription, so that does'nt happen either. Ah, dentist, still can't afford to go to the dentist. Nor the opticians. Shockingly, if i think about it, i've completely stopped doing supermarket shops, too. Its still odds and sods. I'm not surprised, now, looking at my soa. I have'nt put any cash assets, as by the time i've paid this months bills, there will be little left again, and i've fogotten, the car insurance is due again, too. Have'nt paid the ni yet, either. The gas bill was from my old house, and is almost paid,now. Its all electric here.



Bearing in mind, i've been in temporary accomodation, and i have to find these amounts from somewhere, just to get my own place and my life back on track , its time to take my head out of the sand, and admit, its never going to happen. Its shocking, i'm already in debt again, albeit, to pawn shops, but i would'nt have been able to go to work, those long weeks when i had no money coming in, at all. Even more shocking. Most of it is interest.

I concur, there is no life after bankruptcy.

ani_26

Just realised, the assets bit, thats not strictly true. Theres a tenner in a savings account, somewhere, ( i still don't know where), ha, and 20 odd quids worth of £2 coins in an old pasta sauce jar.

I still concur, there is no life after bankruptcy.

Aesop

There is life after bankruptcy. You are in one of those carp situations where you do not yet qualify for benefits like working tax credit which would afford you free prescriptions so you could afford medicine, dentist, optician, etc. extra income, council tax and housing benefit.

I will leave miggy or one of the others to say something positive to you. I am tired, having not slept most of the night, and I know you are tired from working 100 hour a week.

ani_26

Thanks Aesop x

I wish i had'nt tried to work out exactly why i can't manage my money. Its because i have no money to manage. No friends, no money, its so hard being alone. Maybe thats why i was talking to myself in my diary. It has and still is, like pushing water uphill, and i realise i no longer have any purpose or meaning. A worthless individual, except maybe on the work front, to some who take advantage. It is, inevitable.

miggy

Hello Ani,

It must have been very tough sorting out the SOA, but honestly, knowing what's going on is the first step to sorting out the way forward.

I knew something of how you felt when you say you were ashamed of your level of income. Despite the responsibilites of my job, I'm low paid. My older kids have more money than I do! (They are earning). We need my income but we couldn't survive on it. It makes me feel devalued, although I'm skilled and I know what I do has a value that's not reflected in the pay. I keep quiet when my friends discuss pay as they often say things that make me squirm - they don't know what I'm paid!

So... as Aesop says, it looks as though you have a choice between finding another career (and from what I know of you, you're an able person who probably has untapped potential to do something else), or go on the dole - and remember you have paid contributions, so in a way you have set money aside for this eventuality. Another option might be to run two streams of income alongside each other: your present work, where you have a proven track record and you have your contacts, and... well, I don't know what you might turn your hand to, but I bet there are a few possibilities.

In fact, someone I know recently walked out of a job (I can't go into details but I saw one of the incidents behind it and think they are remarkable for sticking it as long as they did) and went straight into another job, stacking supermarket shelves overnight. And interestingly, although I would have thought the supermarket was a bit quiet after their old job, they are so much happier. Whether they will make a career of it I don't know, but it's given them the break they needed (and it's better paid).

As for you... I think you need a rest and a few meals inside you, but you know that. Only you can put the brakes on and change direction, but you are a strong-minded and hard-working person and I don't see you doing nothing with your life. You have worked so hard for so long that it might seem impossible to do anything else except what you have been doing, but hard work and dedication are transferable skills.

My advice, for what it's worth (and it may not be worth anything) would be to set yourself a working week - say 40 hours - and anything outside that is your time - for rest at first, and pretty soon after that to find yourself a second stream of income. Get the P60s together as soon as you can, and set yourself a new horizon regarding source of income.

Oh dear it's late and I have to keep correcting typos which is a sure sign my brain's past its best... I hope what I've said makes sense and you will take it as it's meant - this is just my view, may be right or wrong or something of both, and I'm trying to see things objectively. Go easy on me if I've overstepped the mark?

And go easy on yourself - however rubbish the system, at the moment you're demanding far more of yourself than anyone else would ever consciously do. And the only way to change the situation is to do something differently, which you've already started, by analysing your money. I'm guessing you define yourself in terms of your job, maybe as an alternative to the identity your parents created for you.

Time I went for now,

{{{hugs}}}
Miggy xx

ani_26

I'm not insulted by anything you say miggy. Why should i be? I'm not a worthwhile human being, in my own right. Thats how i feel, anyway. It is'nt getting any better. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to get my thoughts off my chest, in my diary,now as every waking moment now turns back to the most successful way of ending it all. I've a few ideas in mind, but i want 100% sure, success rate. I still favour the take a pill and never wake up. I want to die, peacefully. I don't want to die in agony. Has'nt my life been agonising enough? I don't want to fail and end up spending my life as a vegetable. This would be even worse, would it not? Maybe its not appropriate to talk about such things, or maybe others are unable to express their thoughts. Maybe i'm a nutter, because i want to take my own life. I still don't believe this is true. I still believe i'm a human being, unable to rise from rock bottom, however hard they try. Maybe i'm not positive or happy happy happy. Maybe i should read this or that self help book, eat this and that frog. see this or that councellor, head shrink, take happy pills, or whatever they are? Instead, i've worked my !!!!!!!! off, trying to earn money, to rise out of this situation, and its never going to happen. I live in the real world, and i work, in the real world. I'm not deludung myself with fantasies, only the fantasy that i can successfully end my own life. End all this misery and suffering,

Go on the dole, as its been said, or take my own life. I still know which i prefer, as i will never go on the dole. Why should i have to go on the dole when i'm perfectly capable of work? Get slated by people on this site for being on the dole, ( as happens on other forums ), people who don't know me as a person, at all.

Its ironic, again. Reality always comes and hits you in the face when you least expect it. I did'nt realise i was working with someone, yesterday. They recognised me, but i did'nt recognise them. Lets go for a coffee? Stupid me, said i could'nt afford to go a cafe. I should have just said i did'nt have any money on me, which was true. So then we get into the realms of talking about work and those of us who are extremely poor, and those who are seemingly very rich. Anyway, they insisted on buying me a drink, and could'nt understand why i did'nt have any lunch. I did'nt explain i've now given up on buying my bread for sandwiches for my lunches etc, when im on the road. I've virtually given up eating food, full stop. In fact, i've nothing for tea, tonight, I can't even be bothered to think about it. Just an obssession with working, huh? why? Anyway they insisted on giving me a fiver, even though i said i had some money in my account, and to do a good dead, when i'm in a position to do so. I'm fed up of people saying i'm such a lovely person, always with a smile on my face. I might be a lovely person, but i'm already dead, inside. It always surprises me when people say things like that to me. Because i don't let anyone into my life, or the real me. What would anyone think of me, if they knew how desperately i want to kill myself? Well, they don't think anything of anyone who wants to kill themselves. Maybe they think you're a nutter. Maybe most people can't cope with it, because they can't understand it. Maybe i am a nutter, or deluded. No. Surely i'm reasosnably intelligent. Maybe one person at work, hit the nail on the head, when they said its sad, when things have got so bad in someone's life, the only way out of the situation is to end their own life. Thats the point of view i take, too.

Thngs are so bad, the only way out is to end it all. Just go to sleep and end it all. Never wake up again. Bliss.

Unfortunately, i woke up this morning, and strangely, the first thing i thought about about was my soa. Realising i'd left my ni conts off, along with income tax i should be saving monthly, in case of underpayment, and with the thought i really should put a food/ grocery allowance on my soa, even though i no longer buy any food. What is the allowance supposed to be, for food? I can't even remember? Some people on here spend £100's pounds, don't they? I've lost the plot, I've no idea how much to spend on food. If i say £50 a week? is'nt that what the cab said the national minimum was? Or something like that? Its all arbitary.

So i'll redo my soa, just so i know how far off the living, mark, i am. Later though, as i diid'nt realise what time it is. Time to get ready for work. No surprise there, then. Realistically, don't i have to be earning £20,000 a year, to have any chance of returning to a human being, in the real world. Theres a young person on the dfw board. Did they say they are 19. Taking home £2000 a month, and in debt. Still living with their parents. God, i wish i was taking home £2000 a month. Even worse, work looks set to go through a quiet period again, so any money i have, will soon be spent on the bills, again. So whats my excuse for claiming dole? Why am i unemployed? Oh, i have a job, but it does'nt pay enough for me to live, so i've had to give it up. Sorry, you can't claim then. Thats no excuse. Enough sodding rambling. Heres what my soa should look like, although i'm sure i'll remember other things i should add. Like holidays, entertainments, easter eggs, emergency fund. What a load of !!!!!!!!. Some people have no idea, sensitivity or compassion. Purely selfishness and self,self, self . Maybe thats where i went wrong in life. Maybe i should have been selfish, instead of unselfish. Still, it is a selfish world we live in, these days. Whatever happened to soceity? Whatever happened to people?

ani_26

Do you know what? What is the point of keeping a diary? What is the point of redoing my soa? I know its only going to tell me my outgoings are £1700 a month and my incomings are £500, and thats being optimistic, because they have'nt even reached that amount yet. More like £350 a month.

It is totally inappropriate to air my thoughts now, as i know i can't live like this any longer, this is'nt life, and for me, there is no life after bankruptcy, anymore than the place that led me to bankruptcy. I should keep my thoughts to myself. They are the last thing that belong to me.

Aesop

We've discussed this before, I know you are a person that would rather work than claim the dole. Your ethos is to work, which is great. And that is the way we should all be that are capable of working.

I KNOW that if you go to the dole office, council tax/housing benefit, etc and explain to them that you work, you are self employed, but your self employment is that you are paid as and when the company deems to pay you. It is not a regular income, such as you do the job, and you are paid. That with the self employment you go through periods of little or no work. That the dole office and council do not understand this, that this is a grey area for them, that you do not nicely fit into a category here or a category there.

I am not going to sit and preach about not killing yourself. I am not going to discuss it.

As for reading self help books, eating frogs, jumping logs, being happy clappy, happy happy joy joy, etc. - this is you reading the other diaries. What works for other people may not work for all, and you have said it will not work for you. That's fine. No one is saying you should eat frogs, jump logs.

These are things that are helping others fight through their demons and with their life after bankruptcy.

We all need to find our own niche in the world. We all need to find things that work for us.

If I say you sound depressed, you may be insulted and tell me you are not depressed, that you are stronger than that, but cannot see a way out of your current situation. Apart from the one.

I may sound very hard and uncaring in this post. I posted something yesterday and someone said to me, "you did sound annoyed". I was, but I probably shouldn't have posted. But sometimes you just want to shake someone, like you sound above, and say listen. Everything is not cut and dried, black and white. Sometimes you don't want to sit and be nice and write nice posts, you want to say it is like it is. But we are not supposed to do that. We are supposed to be nice and write friendly helpful posts. But then as you have pointed out above, people on the benefits forums like to pull people down that do need to claim benefits and make them feel worthless.

it is a sad world we live in. Utopia - the perfect place, where everyone is nice and helpful. And no one needs or wants for anything.

ani, ((((((((((((((((ani))))))))))))))))) that is the only thing I can offer. or a picture of daffodils.

I would love to champion your cause and go to all these bodies and say here listen.... there is a grey area, some of us do not fall nicely into box a and box b. Sometimes there is a box zxyeejd; the one that doesn't exist in your world. These people are still entitled to help! So blooming well help!

After I had DS and needed to go back to work, I looked for a job in a supermarket, for the child friendly hours, and the discount after a year of working for them and the chance to pick up reduced food items. Unfortunately there weren't any vacancies. I thought about shelf stacking in the evening but DH wouldn't let me work evenings. Plus his job sometimes involves working long hours, so wasn't practical.

Like Miggy said, is it worth thinking about a second job? Something that fits around your self employment?

kerri_gt

Ani, I know you are totally against the idea of looking at the idea of JSA but you have paid your dues and NI contributions, taxes etc etc so there is no shame about it being an option if the work you are currently doing isn't paying off. I'm not sure if you do it because it's your job, or if you actually enjoy it - and frankly, I can't see how you can enjoy it if you are feeling so low atm. As has been suggested - is there the possibility of cutting down the hours in this job and taking on something else part time that pays better and more regually? If your current job isn't providing the financial pay back you require, you do have to seriously think about making a decision, either you love the job enough to put up with the consequences of suffering financially, or you wish to have a better standard of living which means alternaitve employment is a very real option. Of course it's not quite as easy as walking into another job i realise, but some serious thought does appear to need to be given to this? or perhaps i'm out of line and will wind my neck in....

we all want to help you ani, else we wouldn't be reading your diary, you're not alone xx

xx

Buffythedebtslayer

I have read your diary for a long time never commented because frankly I don't know what to say. It is clear you have had a !!!! time but don't want to go down the route of benefits/dole etc for reasons I personally can't understand, you have paid taxes - that is what you paid them for, those periods in life when the !!!! hits the fan and you need it.


Sometimes, in fact most times it isn't about positive thinking its about making a plan and executing the plan even if you don't think the bloody plan is worth the paper its written on. There is always a choice, beyond life and death, you can look for another job, you can if you really think you are "nuts" go to the doctors? can you run away (my plan for if it all goes to !!!! is a good running away to Scotland).

it is a cliche, but it is true, there is no way round it only through it. we all get through it in a way that works for us.

and you do have friends, you have all the people who read your diary