40 and Foolish!

NewLeaf_2

i am being coloured pink!

NewLeaf_2

dorothy52 wrote: »

Reading Robin's post this morning made me feel very emotional, I'm sure I will feel better when I get home and respond properly.


What's up with our Mom then, or would you prefer not to say. I know you mentioned a while ago that she was having problems with her hubby (very problematic they are too, wouldn't you agree Granny x 2?)


Dot
xx

I basically cried when I read dear Robin's post. Bless her heart how much can one person take!

So Re; Mom

I called her yesterday and she wasn't home so step father answered. He advised that she cries all day or sleeps. (she exhibited the same behaviour whilst she was here) and that he felt that she was physically and mentally deteriorating. My mom has been in therapy for years, like 2 hours a week. Her therapist is a religious based therapist. Obviously if she has been going to him for years with no results, I think a new therapist is requird.

I sent her an email yesterday telling her that OH and I would come over for an intervention for a week so we can do a family summit but I want a new, non religios based therapist. Here is her response:


I feelit is presumptuous of you to assume that (name removed) is a bible-based therapist. Neverhas that subject ever come up. And I do know his credentials. What (stepfather)chooses to do is his business. What I choose to do is mine.

I dosincerely appreciate your concern. I would, however, consider an interventionas unacceptable. These are marital issues and living arrangement issues. Iasked (stepfather) directly about divorce. He won't do that
I urge you to leave us alone to figure out our future.Thanks.

So that was the end of my night. I actually don't care if they get a divorce or not, but my mom wont leave the house except for therapy and is crying and sleeping all day, what am I supposed to do? Ignore it?

bast

God sweetheart you ask for a response, well honest to god I dont know... Only YOU know your mam only YOU can judge what is right or wrong.... It is not right for anyone else to suggest what you do........ But I hope you are okay.. I will check you out to see if you are alright...... and I hope I can always be here for you... x Take care New Leaf you are a really nice person in reality on these forums your concern for others holds you in good stead...x

missrlr

Blinking heck
Well first and foremost, lets get the shimmying started otherwise don't know about you lot but there is going to be an unhealthy strain on the sequin production industry and possibly new limits on Lycra here.

Second (hugs) but not in the Lycra , might be a stretch too far for that .... What with breathing and all!

Right now to matters maternal .... Realistically you have made an offer and it has been rejected. Perhaps she does need a bit of space to get her head sorted out. You probably need to keep in contact with her or at least step dad personage quite regularly and may be if there is a change just go out there?

Perhaps avoid any more comments about her choice of counsellor it's a bit of sore subject even if I do agree with your sentiments? Could be she doesn't want to acknowledge what is perceived as another decision which has turned out differently from her expectations.

The only thing I think you can do right now is send her a very supportive email saying you are there for her and you will support her and you will come to here if ever necessary. You didn't want to upset her, but you felt you had to offer something. Then honey you have to leave it. And if she is mean to you, you need to call her out on it, nicely. The fact she is upset does not give her carte Blanche to be mean to anyone.

Really hope you both get through this. I am sure you will, but would be nice without too much upset x x

dorothy52

What a fantastic, considered response missrlr - are you sure you are not our triplet?:D No wonder you are upset NewLeaf, not only has she rejected your well intentioned offer of help, she is clearly not well at all. I agree that giving her some space just now is the right approach (I know how hard that will be for you as you are so worried about her), however perhaps in a couple of days you can try again and she may be more receptive.

I don't know, I have been all over the place today - upset about Robin and worried about you, not to mention an enormous gas bill which I am having to sort out as I KNOW I haven't used that much in a month. I don't know whether I am coming or going as my late mam used to say (or as HER mother used to say:'Dorothy, you are like a f@rt in a collender, not knowing which hole to come out of) not that I would ever say anything like that of course.........oh, I just did:rotfl:

I think I have been overdoing the working out. I just get so bored on these winter evenings and there is nothing on telly that I want to watch, and I only like reading in bed so I work out most nights. As you know I decided to vary my routines and I am so stiff and sore now that I feel like an old lady............oh...........I am one.

So we in NL land are all a bit blue today, let's all try and be pink, as Mrs PG's DD tells us:)

brizzledfw

missrlr wrote: »

Blinking heck

Right now to matters maternal .... Realistically you have made an offer and it has been rejected. Perhaps she does need a bit of space to get her head sorted out. You probably need to keep in contact with her or at least step dad personage quite regularly and may be if there is a change just go out there?

Perhaps avoid any more comments about her choice of counsellor it's a bit of sore subject even if I do agree with your sentiments? Could be she doesn't want to acknowledge what is perceived as another decision which has turned out differently from her expectations.

The only thing I think you can do right now is send her a very supportive email saying you are there for her and you will support her and you will come to here if ever necessary. You didn't want to upset her, but you felt you had to offer something. Then honey you have to leave it. And if she is mean to you, you need to call her out on it, nicely. The fact she is upset does not give her carte Blanche to be mean to anyone.

Really hope you both get through this. I am sure you will, but would be nice without too much upset x x

Spot on. Missrir is right on the money ( as it were!!) Do keep the conversion going NL..think she needs you even if she is pushing you away. Plus an 'intervention' does sound like you are the parent and she is the child..maybe my interpretation and I for sure know its not meant like that...so there may be some push back due to that, as well.

But hell...what a few weeks..THEM and now this.

How's the dishwasher:rotfl: Hope it's behaving itself....

Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts x

grannyx2

Firstly Dearest Dot I am so sorry that you are feeling upset today, it is hard to see the problems our dear MSE friends are having and not to be affected by them. When we have things going on in our own lives that are also making us feel glum, their sorrow quite often feels more intense.

I also think you need a night off from exercise and perhaps could take up a hobby in crafts of some sort, magic hat making perhaps . I too don't watch much tv as it bores me (and anyway I can't use the remote according to OH) so I resort to my knitting/crocheting and that always cheers me up.

Dear Missrlr, what a fabulous response, you seem to have taken my thoughts from my head and posted them here. I hope you are feeling a bit better today, I'll pop over later to see.

Now, my dearest darling NL Missrlr's advice was pretty spot on to be honest. I think you have to ring/write to your mum and tell her that you are sorry if you upset her with your good intentions and of course you will take a step back if that is what she wants. Let her know that you love her and care for her and only wanted to help make her situation better, it was never your intention to interfere. You are there for her whenever she feels the need to talk and accept that it is her life to do as she feels is right.

You really cannot make these decisions for her my darling, they have to come from her. Only she knows what is going on and how much more she can cope with. Marital break-up is never easy and she will have to find her own pace at sorting this out. I know it is difficult to sit back and know about her suffering without taking action but unless she is not of sound mind, you have to let her move at her own pace.

This does not mean I am condoning her turning on you but as I said yesterday she clearly isn't thinking straight at the moment and over-reacted. That is why I feel a letter from the heart may be better than a phone call, no chance of her retaliating then.

Please take heart dearest one, things will improve. In the meantime, take care of you and once again remember we are here to listen any time you need to talk.

Granny x

dorothy52

Oh Granny, you really are a wise Granny. Your post was just superb. Isn't our friend New Leaf lucky to have such lovely, lovely friends?

grannyx2

Granny x

grannyx2

Message from your mom:



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