Urgent help needed, please, please read this

ZTD

LJD1 wrote:

Talking to her about telling my dad I am met with 'if he finds out i'll kill myself'. Now i know this is an emotional response but i'm not taking on this guilt.

Is it an emotional response for emotions that she feels, or is it an emotional blackmail response?

Does she know about *your* problems?

LJD1 wrote:

I can't can't take on her debt and I can't sort out her life. I can only try and help. I feel like i've failed but I can't do anything else.

No, you haven't failed. She should be grateful to have you as a daughter. IMHO she doesn't want to solve this problem by the usual methods, she already has the solution in her head.

Emmzi

LJD,

you did well today. You haven't failed; you've been an adult. I am so angry with her for making suicide threats. That is so unfair to you, and I wouldn't be depressed, I'd be FURIOUS!

Whatever happens next is HER choice. She is not a child, nor mentally incapacitated. I know it is tough - but well done. And hugs.

AMILLIONDOLLARS

Why not print off all the comments from your thread and show it to her!, it might help her see if from our point of view.

Failing that, you'll have to wait for the DCA to start their calls. Personally, I think your dad already knows, he's just waiting for her to tell him.

Nothing more you can do, just be there for the fallout.

God bless
AMD

Emmzi

Just checking in to see how you are feeling and if any more hugs are needed. My arms aren't doing anything much today.

LJD1_2

Thanks Emmzi.
My mum is back in total denial. I'm taking the advice to put managing strategies in place after spending yesterday feeling quite tearful. I have decided I am not going to be the one that drops the big bombshell. However, I also think that bomb will be dropped very soon. When my dad does find out i'm going to make sure that he then finds out about the whole lot. This isn't going to be the case of he pays off one card. The whole lot will get sorted. It all makes me feel very sad because I do think my relationship with my mum has changed. Yes, we all make mistakes but it's how you deal with those mistakes that make you what you are. She's not trying to deal with them dispite the consequences but i've got to let go.

On a brighter note, in a month we've paid just less than a thousand pounds off the extra bit of mortgage we needed to fund house repairs. We won't always pay off that much but I sold a little business I had. My mission is to get debt free so much quicker now and I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever take credit again. I can see how much misery and unhappiness it causes. I know if it's managed well it can have it's benefits but right now I am so anti credit cards you wouldn't believe it!

Thanks again for your support. It really means a lot to me at the moment as i'm coming to terms with all this. Physically I actually feel like i've been in an accident. Mentally....lets not go there! Lol!

lynzpower

Huggles to you hun, stay strong

Emmzi

Well.. weekend soon. You're right, you've been on a bit of a mind rollercoaster and your body is catching up.

Can you plan a long lie, some quiet time, a movie night at home over the weekend? Lots of calm things to rest your soul... you need to build your barricades against the storm that's coming!

You sound like your doing great, but I'd be cashing in my Boots points on pre-emptive treats atm!

In_Search_Of_Me

Just read this & wanted to send a hug. Felt physically sick when I read that you were going to take a loan out for her & delighted when you didnt. Like all of us she needs to have her lightbulb moment. Take a step back, read through all the posts again and I hope you will be able to see that your mum needs to take responsibility for her debt. The more you do for her the less likely she is to do that. It would of course be really hard to see her get into trouble ith both your dad, debt management cos etc but she is an adult and needs to take responsibility for her actions. You are not responsible for her debt and think you're right in backing off a bit. As suggested get some chill time and have a huge hug from me.

LJD1_2

Thanks again for everyone's support. Reading back through my thread it certainly shows how you shouldn't do anything in a rush. I'm having a me day today, just chilling out and catching up with life. That probably means i'll do nothing but there you go.

Thanks again, you guys are fantastic. xx

anniestar

LJD1 wrote:

Thanks again for everyone's support. Reading back through my thread it certainly shows how you shouldn't do anything in a rush. I'm having a me day today, just chilling out and catching up with life. That probably means i'll do nothing but there you go.

Thanks again, you guys are fantastic. xx

Good .you deserve a nice stressless day. Enjoy.