Urgent help needed, please, please read this

Emmzi

LDJ1,

there seems to be a threat on both sides there... your mum will never speak to you again/your dad will never speak to you again.

Remember
1. Emotional blackmail like this is unfair - the situation is not of your making. It is not fair to expect you to tell/ not to tell/ take sides. Act like an adult. Do what you believe is best, state your reasons, refuse to be swayed. Your gut instinct will tell you the right thing to do. Trust it.
2. She's in mid-lightbulb. What she says now is an emotional response. Get the problem scoped out and on paper. Let her digest it. Revisit it with her once she's had a chance to think about it and decide what SHE wants to do.
3. Protect yourself financially. This means - no more loans for you.
4. Your mum has managed to survive for 70 years. She's got some smarts. Don't fall into the trap of doing her thinking for her - then any solution becomes yours, not hers.

Hugs, hun. Tough love time ahead.

jessicamb

Hi LJD1

I cant offer anything above the other posts but I really hope your mum and dad work it out.

LJD1_2

southernscouser wrote:

I understand you not wanting to tell your dad.

Thats why I think it's important that you persuade her to tell him. I feel for you. I know it can't be easy.

OK rather than your mum going to dad and saying I'm £35k in the poop, sort it out. How about you try and find a solution with her so she has an action plan. It might make it a softer blow for your dad should your mum tell him.

She clearly isn't at the confessing stage so you need to find a way of sorting it out until she is, if she ever is.

Can you go through a SOA with her? Even post it on here if you can.

Thanks ss, that's a good idea. I'm just going to have to try and manage the situation until he finds out, which he will. Once he does find out he'll pay the debts off with no problem financially, it's emotionally he'll hound her. I'm going to go to the citizen's advice and see what they say. I'll try and make her come with me. I'm going to see her tomorrow, i'm going to suggest all the options. Personally i think divorce will be the best one! She could pay of her debts and be very rich!

Thanks all of you getting me through tonight. I'm emotionally and physically wrecked but you've kept me thinking rationally. It's nights like this that show how valuable websites like this are. Thanks xxx

southernscouser

LJD1 wrote:

Personally i think divorce will be the best one! She could pay of her debts and be very rich!

Does she want a toyboy?

CLAPTON

sadly there is only one solution ... that is for your father to find out and the matter to be resolved.
the only issues are when does that happen and how...its not an if.
you're a very loving child but you haven't a real role here...

LJD1_2

Thanks Emmzi, i'm thinking a lot more rationally now. I've phoned her and told her she needs to make a list of what she owes and to who, what else she has to pay out, and her incomings. Tomorrow you'll all be privvy to that information too!

Her options are;
1) tell him and sort it out
2 ) don't tell him and suffer the consequences
3) divorce him.

I can't sort it out but i can be there for her.

Thanks for your input xx

LJD1_2

southernscouser wrote:

Does she want a toyboy?

Ok, now not only have you sorted my head but you've made me laugh!

LJD1_2

CLAPTON wrote:

sadly there is only one solution ... that is for your father to find out and the matter to be resolved.
the only issues are when does that happen and how...its not an if.
you're a very loving child but you haven't a real role here...

Yip, and thanks to all of you I now totally realise that. It's so true about a trouble halved.....

southernscouser

LJD1 wrote:

Ok, now not only have you sorted my head but you've made me laugh!

All part of the service maam!

Mrs_Sparkle

Nothing to add to the great advice you've been given but sending you big ((hugs)) and hope this has a happy ending for you.