Urgent help needed, please, please read this

LJD1_2

Hiya
Further to my post earlier, i've phoned my mum and begged her to tell me the extent of her debt. She has between £30 000 and £35 000 on credit cards. Her minimum payments are about £750 a month. She is willing to take help if I can give it but what do I do?

Can she go through any of the usual debt sorting routes without my dad finding out? Can I get a loan to cover this and she make the payments? I really, really want to help her but I don't know what to do. I'm totally out of my depth. If any of you have any advice please help me. I really need a way out of this for her.

Thanks.

ZTD

LJD1 wrote:

Can she go through any of the usual debt sorting routes without my dad finding out?

No. Your Dad will notice the sudden drop in spending as she goes from spending more than she earns to spending less. She's going to have to do this either to pay her debts off directly, or to pay you off.

To be frank he probably already knows there's a problem, just not the magnitude.

As is the usual advice, honesty is the best policy.

littlestar1981

What a lovely son/daughter you are.

Whilst our experts are better at this that I am (clearly, can't you tell by my signature!!) I'd say please don't get a loan in your name or anything. And consolidation usually only extends things out.

Can you get your mum to tell you the exact figures outstanding, minimum payments and interest rates? That would be a good start. If she is going to help you sort this she needs to be fully open about it.

nickj_2

go to the citizens advice , they will help and point you in right direction

D&DD

Definately ring the CAB and ask for an appointment with their debt counsellor/money advisor asap.Try to help your mum get her paperwork in order and post her SOA as well on here to see if we can be of help in the meantime

Emmzi

LJD1,

you've been here a good while so I think you know the answer already .. it's just not what your mum wants to hear.

You need to be strong now and remember that you are not being a bad child, your parent has forced you into this position. But she is going to have to tell your dad unless she has 30k worth of shares, jewellry, whatever, squirelled away. He is going to notice, and any joint assets (house? car?) may be at risk.

Also remember the advice always given about offspring/ spouses - they have to take ownership and clear debts themselves. That applies to parents too...

You have worked so hard on your own debt. Don't stuff it up by taking on extra debt for her!

I would begin by printing off the budget planner and going through it with her, to get the full extent of the problem out. Maybe doing that will help her realise she can't hide it forever?

LJD1_2

Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm going to try and get her to come to citizen's advice with me. If she won't i'll go on my own with all the information she gives me. What pisses me off the most is they have assets in shares, savings and god knows what but it's in joint names so she can't touch it to pay of these debts. I know the answer is to tell my dad but I also know he would kill her and would never, ever speak to me again. I just want to take away her worry and pain over this but I also know I can't. I don't blame myself but if she feels anything about it like I do right now I don't know how she can live with herself. Thanks again for your advice and kind words.

southernscouser

Can I ask a few questions LJD?

Your mum is 70 right? How does she afford £750 a month?

Also if your mum was to confess to your dad she needn't tell him you know about the debts. Or even if she did she could explain you were the one that told her to come clean.

What would your dads reaction be towards your mum?

Also and I don't mean this in a bad way but were you to get a loan on behalf of your mum what would happen if something happened to her or died (touch wood she doesn't) then you would be liable for all repayments of the debt!

wannabedebtfree_2

I think you are making the right decision about getting her to the CAB, but I really think your dad should know, I'm not sure why he would take it out on you, but there's obviously an issue that we don't know about.

I worry that you are considering taking out a loan in your name, please remember should (god forbid) anything happen to your mum, i.e she is unable to pay, falls ill, or passes away, you will be saddled with a massive debt, of which you have had none of the benefits (like holidays, etc)

I hope you sort it out soon.

xx

EDIT : SS must have submitted his post as I was writing, so sorry if I repeated what was already said!

LJD1_2

She can afford the payments because she has two pensions, she gets 'housekeeping' off my dad, and she also gets guaranteed income from investments in my dad's name. This is the total irony, they have so much saved and invested. I've tried so hard to get her to tell him. She simply won't. Selfish as it seems I don't want to tell him because i'd lose her if i did, even if telling him is for all the right reasons.

Thanks to all the brilliant people on here I now know that i can't take a loan out. Even if i do it for the best reasons, like you say, if something were to happen to her i'm liable. God it's a mess. I know it's not my mess but the problem is I love her.

southernscouser

LJD1 wrote:

She can afford the payments because she has two pensions, she gets 'housekeeping' off my dad, and she also gets guaranteed income from investments in my dad's name. This is the total irony, they have so much saved and invested. I've tried so hard to get her to tell him. She simply won't. Selfish as it seems I don't want to tell him because i'd lose her if i did, even if telling him is for all the right reasons.

Thanks to all the brilliant people on here I now know that i can't take a loan out. Even if i do it for the best reasons, like you say, if something were to happen to her i'm liable. God it's a mess. I know it's not my mess but the problem is I love her.

I understand you not wanting to tell your dad.

Thats why I think it's important that you persuade her to tell him. I feel for you. I know it can't be easy.

OK rather than your mum going to dad and saying I'm £35k in the poop, sort it out. How about you try and find a solution with her so she has an action plan. It might make it a softer blow for your dad should your mum tell him.

She clearly isn't at the confessing stage so you need to find a way of sorting it out until she is, if she ever is.

Can you go through a SOA with her? Even post it on here if you can.