Urgent help needed, please, please read this

LJD1_2

Thanks Emmzi, this will be one of the hardest things ever but I can't do anything more than be there. My children and husband don't deserve to be saddled with another debt.....I guess I don't either!

LJD1_2

Just to keep you up to date. I'm going to the CAB on Monday morning either with her or without. Hopefully with. I've spoken to them at length and they were great. Without her wanting to help herself there's little we can do but if I have all the facts then i've done as much as I possibly can. I feel like i've been run over by a ten tonne truck and it's not even my debt. If i've learnt one thing.... i'm paying off what I owe and i'm never, ever, ever, ever having any debt again.

Storm

Hi, not got anything to add really, but wanted to send you a hug :grouphug: and wish you luck. It's not your responsibility, and taking on a loan wouldn't have addressed the overspending issues that your mum has. Good luck with the CAB

Storm x

*zippy*

HI LJD1

Thanks for the update.

Its normal how you are feeling, you are doing all you can at the moment. I can remember going through an emotional roller coaster, a whole load of emotions came into play, guilt- why couldn't we help more, I also felt dissapointed, angry and frustrated with them, TBH I wanted to give them a good talking to like they were children, I managed to bite my tongue luckily . When you love someone your natural instinct is to protect them from being hurt and unfortunately you can' always do this. They wouldn't get outside help from CAB etc in case people found out, debt is a huge shame to some of their generation.

I was reading a few months ago that debt in pensioners is rising rapidly, I can't remember the figures, but they quoted for those with debts over £35k and it was :eek: . edited to add link: http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/retirement/article.html?in_article_id=411105&in_page_id=1

best wishes, hopefully with the weekend to think about it she will come with you, fingers crossed.

zippy x

LJD1_2

Thanks Zippy. It's good to know how i'm feeling is 'normal'. I'm normally quite a postive person but this has just taken all the oomph out of me. I'm not depressed but it almost feels like a bereavement. I don't think I could feel worse if it was my debt.

On a postive note....I can only start to feel better now.

going2die_rich

If your mums had the house a while it will have risen in value over the last 5 years so it will have equity you could take advantage of. By remortgaging you could use that additional equity to repay the loan and since it'll be a secured loan it'll be a lot less expensive than unsecured credit card loans.

But it isn't fair for your dad not to know about this as this is 30-35 thousand he is losing also since it'll be taken from the family home.

Also if he knows he can help as no doubt it wont be easy for your mum to stop spending if shes managed to get up to £35k and their is only so much that you can do.

*zippy*

yes I think grief is the right word to describe it. Have a good cry or rant, don't bottle it up.

A couple of days and you will calm down and start to feel better

LJD1_2

going2die_rich wrote:

If your mums had the house a while it will have risen in value over the last 5 years so it will have equity you could take advantage of. By remortgaging you could use that additional equity to repay the loan and since it'll be a secured loan it'll be a lot less expensive than unsecured credit card loans.

But it isn't fair for your dad not to know about this as this is 30-35 thousand he is losing also since it'll be taken from the family home.

Also if he knows he can help as no doubt it wont be easy for your mum to stop spending if shes managed to get up to £35k and their is only so much that you can do.

That's where all this is so mad. There is no morgage on the house. They have investments but she refuses to tell him. The house and the investments are in joint names so she can't pay it off. Between them they could pay this debt off several times over. That is what's so frustrating about it all. It's sheer madness. I'm trying to think of ways of him 'finding out' without it looking like I told him. Not thought of anything yet. I know he should be told but I can't do it.

anniestar

Oh sweetie I'm SO sorry for your troubles. I know you must be feeling so worried and fustrated. Only thing that i can add to the fantastic advice is dont forgrt to get her to sign a letter of authority if she isn't going to the CAB with you. They wont deal with you otherwise. Good luck.

*zippy*

How do you think he will react?

Could he have any idea that she is in debt? Any hints? What sort of things has she been buying? Had you started to wonder how she did so much with her money?

I'm just thinking that often the person in debt thinks they have kept it well hidden, when often their partner may not kow the extent of the debt, but has realised that something is wrong. If you were starting to wonder how she bought so much, chances are he has too.

It's frustrating that at a time when your mother should be enjoyng her retirement she has all this worry, especially when the money is in the bank.