Dilemma - want to move to country but away from family

heretolearn_2

I don't think the father is being selfish in wanting to see the kids and to live close by them. That's terrific.

But he is being selfish by guilt-tripping their mum over a mere 6 mile move. Does he seriously expect her to stay in her current house for the next umpteen years just to suit him? He is 'having a laaff' as the chavs say.

Fiddlestick

gingerwhinger wrote: »

Only problem is the father of my twins. I spoke to him about it and he said he would be "gutted" if we moved to the next town. He specifically bought 1 mile away so that he could be near to the twins - especially once they get a bit older and start wanting a bit of idependance. He always wanted to be a bus ride away so that as they get older they will still want to visit him.

My dilemma is that I know he is right in a way. By moving away just the 3 miles it will take them off a bus route to his house. Whilst it's not a problem now as they are still reliant on us for lifts everywhere it will undoubtedly affect their ease in seeing their father when they are more independent.

Tough titty.

Let's assume that he lives 1 mile away in the OTHER direction from where you want to move from, so that's 4 miles.

4 miles is hardly a walk into Mordor and back - that's no problem whatsoever for a healthy adult. When I was a student I used to regularly walk that distance home at night whilst !!!!ed

As the kids get older, the exercise will do them good as well!

If he bought a house specifically to be close to the kids then that's his problem - don't let him guilt trip you out of a move that is clearly to the benefit of you and (more importantly) the children.

Lucy1973

gingerwhinger wrote: »

No we both drive. Was just thinking about when the kids were older really.

So whats the problem?? I dont get it:huh:

LJM

i would love to move to country well country is only 7-8 miles from our house any way lol, we just missed out recently on a house near my nan which would have been lovely but there would have also been other things to consider for us like added expense of an extra car as we would both need one for work and school runs although we could have transfered them to the local primary. i think you have to do what is right for you hubby and kids if it is what would make you happy in long run then go for it,im easy either way i like my present home lovely neighbours close ammenities school 2 mins round corner but having to drive a few extra miles still wouldnt phase me

Chimpofdoom

Got to give it to the OP for taking the ex's feelings into consideration.. most wouldnt! hehe.

Anyway, it's 6miles, good excuse for a family bike ride in good weather.

Do it!

LJM

exactly far enough away for peace and quiet and still close enough for family to visit

Gingham_Ribbon

heretolearn wrote: »

But he is being selfish by guilt-tripping their mum over a mere 6 mile move. Does he seriously expect her to stay in her current house for the next umpteen years just to suit him? He is 'having a laaff' as the chavs say.

Men can't win on this forum, can they! If he moved away he'd be called a selfish git, if he wasn't interested in seeing his kids, he'd be a !!!!!!, if he kept his feelings to himself about them moving a little further away, he'd be 'withdrawn' and if he told her he was pleased for her he'd probably STILL be critised - for not being upset that his children were going to be a bit further away maybe!

Gingham_Ribbon

Chimpofdoom wrote: »

Got to give it to the OP for taking the ex's feelings into consideration.. most wouldnt! hehe.

And that's the most heartbreaking thing of all. He's their daddy. His feelings matter.

Mojisola

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

And that's the most heartbreaking thing of all. He's their daddy. His feelings matter.

That's true - and good on him for making sure he's living near enough to them to be able to keep frequent contact - but it is only six miles. Being "gutted" is an over-reaction but it might just have been his first thought. Now he's had time to think about it, is he feeling any different?

heretolearn_2

I know my kid's dad would have been happy if I'd been able to arrange a move a few miles away to give my kid a better quality of life, instead of being stuck where we were for years.

The dad in this post is just thinking of himself, not the children.