Dilemma - want to move to country but away from family

onlyroz

Make sure you understand the full implications of living in the countryside. I was brought up in the back-end of nowhere, and there was absolutely *nothing* to do when I hit my teens. All my friends lived miles away, and so visiting meant badgering the parents for lifts or taking multiple buses. Even a trip into town was a major expedition because there was only one bus an hour.

I now live in a small town, and I think it's a much better place to bring up my kids than where I was raised.

Gingham_Ribbon

Mojisola wrote: »

That's true - and good on him for making sure he's living near enough to them to be able to keep frequent contact - but it is only six miles. Being "gutted" is an over-reaction but it might just have been his first thought. Now he's had time to think about it, is he feeling any different?

Honestly, although it's cearly the best thing for the children in the OP, if anyone had told me I'd have to live 6 miles away from my kids, gutted would be a serious understatement. I'd be heartbroken.

How many of the people who think it's an over-reaction live with their small children and would be 'happy for them' if they moved 6 miles away, without you?

I really don't want to drag this any further away from the topic, so I'll leave it at this: having custody gives parents the right to move away as they see fit, and 6 miles isn't the end of the world, far from it. But my god, if I lost my kids once because DH moved out with them, then again because they moved away, I can't imagine trying to pick up the pieces.

Nothing taken away from the OP who sounds like she's making a great decision for her kids and I mean NO disrespect to the thousands of parents raising kids without help from the other parent. I wouldn't even be saying any of this if people didn't keep posting with the implication that the man is either over-reacting or trying to emotionally blackmail the OP into staying put.

sueeve

The thing with living so close is that visit time could become more informal, especially as the children get a little older. So perhaps their father sees it as the actual nature of contact time changing; children could just drop round to him for a short while if they wanted, instead of everything being so planned. So while I understand why you want to move, and I think it will be good on the whole I can understand why he is a bit upset.

ellay864

I really don't think the move of such a short distance should be that big a deal. You can both drive the kids between you. Do they stay over at their dads? If they spend weekends with him then it's no deal at all - it's not like it would cut down on the time they stay with him. My kids dad moved an hours drive away but they still carried on seeing him every other weekend and half the holidays, and sometimes he'd pop over after work mid week. There are plenty of dads who would give their right arms to be only 6 miles away. He is not losing them by any means

Susan_Frost

To be honest, I think he is holding you to ransom a bit here. He moved to be just a mile away, and all credit to him. But you cannot make all your decisions around that - life is not set in stone, things change. If he feels so strongly, why not move again - sounds like he has "steps" to consider now - maybe they would benefit from the village life too. Surely he would want a better location for his kids and should not want to stop it for the sake of 6 miles.

6 miles really is nothing. All sorts can happen by the time the kids get old enough to safely get around themselves.

Start packing !!!

Spendless

I can understand why he's upset. If it's always been a 'plan' that he would move to nearby so the kids eventually are able to visit him without someone arranging pick-ups drop offs, and suddenly not long after he's moved nearby as a first step to this being put into action it might not be happening.

How complicated is the public transport journey from your place to his if you do move? Some Secondary school age kids do travel more than 6 miles to get to/from school, but you say the move would put you into it takes you into another town. Does this mean it then becomes a long journey with several changes?

I also think you've been given good advice on the rest of the thread, that needs thinking through if you haven't already, such as if there's things for older children to do and whether the new school will stop open if it has limited pupils. Some schools with only a few kids in each year put 2 or more groups together and teach mixed year groups. Would this bother you if they did?

ellay864

Spendless wrote: »

Some schools with only a few kids in each year put 2 or more groups together and teach mixed year groups. Would this bother you if they did?

I don't know if you intended this to sound negative but my kids went a small rural school that has now expanded to have 12 in each year group and have 2 age groups per class. But when DS1 started he was in a class with 3 year groups as the years above him had just 9 and 4 kids respectively. All the kids at that school thrived on having the mixed age thing going on...the younger ones had the opprtunity to develop and do 'older' work, the less able ones were in a small enough class to get plenty of attention. When they transitioned to high school the difference was marked, with all their baselines consistently above those that had gone to the larger schools

Savvy_Sue

Dad could think about the advantages he'd be able to offer the children if he was living a less rural life than they were, IYSWIM. As they get older, staying with him after going out with mates might be a more attractive option than trying to get back to Mum's!

Spendless

ellay864 wrote: »

I don't know if you intended this to sound negative but my kids went a small rural school that has now expanded to have 12 in each year group and have 2 age groups per class. But when DS1 started he was in a class with 3 year groups as the years above him had just 9 and 4 kids respectively. All the kids at that school thrived on having the mixed age thing going on...the younger ones had the opprtunity to develop and do 'older' work, the less able ones were in a small enough class to get plenty of attention. When they transitioned to high school the difference was marked, with all their baselines consistently above those that had gone to the larger schools

No, I didn't intend it to sound negative. I asked a question. Would (if it does happen) it bother the OP? Plenty of people like the idea, or have no opinion either way. Plenty of people don't like mixing 2 year groups. I asked the OP which category she fell in.

busiscoming2

It is nice you have a lovely relationship with your ex, and I can understand the guilty feelings, especially as he has just moved nearer to the kids. BUT you have to do what you feel is right for your family now and moving 6 miles is not that far away, is it?! Perhaps in the next few years the ex may decide to move nearer to you again, that is his option.
If you both play taxi for the next 7 years then the children will probably be driving and it wont be a problem! What happens when they get older and decide to go off to uni or move away, are you all going to follow?