Dilemma - want to move to country but away from family

mrcow

Well it's nice that you care so much about everyone's feelings. But you seriously need to have another read of your opening post. From the sounds of it, the move could change your children's lives for the better and that is the main concern.

Your ex will work the whole "next town" thing into his life well enough. He needs to understand that there is more at stake than bus routes.

I seriously think that you should go for it and if the ex is still dubious, perhaps his concerns will be lifted when he starts considering the bigger picture.

heretolearn_2

So you are never allowed to move, ever?

It's nice of you to take this into consideration but weighing up both sides, you know the move is the best option. It'll improve quality of life for all your family, so your ex will just have to deal with it. It's not far and there will be a way for them to still visit him as teenagers on their own. Bikes, for example. I was cycling a 10 mile round trip every day from the age of 12 as a skinny little girl. Or maybe they have to switch buses or something. Or you drop/pick up from a different bus route. Or they walk to the bus route.

My boy was travelling an hour into and then across London by public transport to see his dad from age 13. His dad then moved to Norfolk and he either had a 2.5 hour train ride each way every weekend or we'd drive halfway each (a good hour or so for each of us). Really, 6 miles is nothing. Your ex is being selfish.

Gingham_Ribbon

heretolearn wrote: »

Your ex is being selfish.

The man says he'd be gutted to have his kids move far enough away that they won't be able to walk round to see him. How is that selfish?

He'd be selfish if he didn't want to see his kids. I think it's easy to see things from the OP's point of view as obviously moving is the right thing for that part of the family. But for the other side of the family (ie dad) it's obviously difficult.

He's expressing his feelings, that's all. Give the guy a break, everyone! He just loves his kids.

Mojisola

I do think the Dad might feel aggrieved as he moved to be nearer his children and now they're moving further away but it's not far and the OP isn't doing it to spite him - it's for his children's benefit. He should be able to see that once he gets over his initial reaction.

If he and his fiancee start a new family, they might well see things exactly the same way and want to move themselves.

Nottoobadyet

Good greif, everyone. I think that the OP's ex is being quite reasonable - hes an upstanding dad that bought close to his kids so that he can have them right there and that they can visit him without needing to get their mum or dad to drive them. There is another school in town that the OP could send her kids to, so its not like they'd need to stay in the bully school if they didnt move. He's not threatening or being horrible - hes just saying that he'd be gutted, and I dont blame him.

OP, I think that your relationship with your ex is special and excellent and you really should consider the effect of your move on it.

jcr16

i think sometimes any chance can seem to much, and will always wonder if your doing right thing. but you do just have to bite the bullet and go for it. it sounds like the changes are all for the good.

Were moving and when we told the in-laws to two locations we are looking at they said, oh we won't be able to visit . thats too far. but they are only about 6 or 7 miles from where we are now. i had to laugh. and we got the oh but u can't walk to town etc. but hey living in the country is gonna be so much better for us as a family. as altough we have a fab house now. we live on an awful estate which is only getting worse and they are extending the estate by 800 houses . but we want to keep the kids at the school they at now. as it best school around and the next best one you can't get a place even if u live in the area.

choccymoose

I see where the OP is coming from, and think she should be congratulated for thinking of the impact on her children's relationship with their father, my OHs ex upped and moved the children over 5 hrs drive away with no consideration for the needs, however do feel there is a slight overreaction about the distances involved, when they are older they will be able to cycle over to see him. From the age of 13 I used to cycle 6 miles to school and back.

Also I currently know whats shes feeling as I'm a little worried about the fact we are applying to move to Australia so even further away from my step children. However the eldest is now 20, and at university and living with her boyfriend. she knows that she is welcome to come out anytime, we would contribute towards fares, the youngest 16 has been offered the chance to come with us and his younger brothers. There is no pressure either way, and again if he decides to stay here then we will pay for him to come and visit. With regards our families my folks live in Portugal and my OHs live nearby but we very rarely see them, would probably see them more in Australia as they go over twice a year anyway! This is not something we would have considered before this time as did not feel it was fare on the kids. But now the opportunity has arisen we would be mad not to do it!

purplepardalis

the mother of my step children moved them over 200 miles away!! Don't worry, 3 miles is nothing. We have an extra £250 per month to pay on train fares in order to have the kids visit.

clw1

I think that if the move is the best thing for them day to day then go for it. 6 miles isn't very far and once they are older you could always pay for a taxi on the odd ocasions where walking, getting a lift, buses or cycling wasn't an option.

Pee

I don't think moving six miles is a big deal, although it's good you are discussing it with your ex and would be great if you can make him feel that he has a say, although not more of a say than you and the twins.

Do consider the downside though. Someone has mentioned you will be on taxi duty in a few years. If there are 11 kids in a year at the school, when will the school be closing - are there cuts threatened? - and where is the nearest high school - back with the same kids he is in with now? If your current house requires too much maintenace, do you have any idea how much maintenance land takes? maybe you love gardening and just hate housework? I'm also struggling to see how the police helicoptors don't fly over the rural idyll six miles away, and if they don't what the crime rate is when such a terrible place is just six miles up the road?