Dilemma - want to move to country but away from family

gingerwhinger

Have a bit of a dilemma...

For a while I've been thinking that I'd like to move to the country (Me, DH, Twins aged 10 and DD2 aged 3).

Spent the weekend in the village I'd like to move to with the kids and they're all really keen as is OH (its only 3 miles away from where we live at the moment to put it into context).

Where we are at the moment is very densely populated. We have a lovely home and "outstanding" school but no land. We live on a very busy road an are overlooked from all sides so its not really my "dream home". Plus its a very big house on a very small plot so takes a lot of cleaning and maintenance.

Anyway I've seen a house in my dream location that we can actually afford - assuming we sell ours for what I think we will. The kids school has 11 kids in each year (as opposed to 120), the high school is much better and we'd be surrounded by open countryside. We'd have a much bigger garden plus access to loads of public open spaces - parks, moorland and agricultural land. It's really quite breathtaking, the scenary.

Everyone is really keen - OH, me and the twins (youngest is too young!)

Only problem is the father of my twins. I spoke to him about it and he said he would be "gutted" if we moved to the next town. He specifically bought 1 mile away so that he could be near to the twins - especially once they get a bit older and start wanting a bit of idependance. He always wanted to be a bus ride away so that as they get older they will still want to visit him.

My dilemma is that I know he is right in a way. By moving away just the 3 miles it will take them off a bus route to his house. Whilst it's not a problem now as they are still reliant on us for lifts everywhere it will undoubtedly affect their ease in seeing their father when they are more independent.

The alternative though is to stay put here. My son has been bullied (horrendously) at his "outstanding" school and to be honest I just think the whole area is a bit rough. I don't want my youngest to go to the same school - there is another school I can send her to but its the same size and the same "type" of children that go to it.

We get the police helicopter going over most nights along with all the usual sirens etc.

I have an excellent relationship with ex and his new fiance (as do all 3 kids ) so really don't want to upset them unneccessarily. I've already tried to rempt him into relocating with us but it's not really possible as going in the wrong way from where he works and would add too much onto his journey time. Plus I don't think he's able to sell his house as he only bought it quite recently.

Really don't know what to do. I know what I WANT to do but morally I don't think it's right....

I think I either want to be talked into it or out of it!:)

Mojisola

Isn't he over-reacting about 3 miles or am I missing something?

Make two columns on a sheet of paper with PROs on one side and CONs on the other. If the only item in the CONs column is distance from your ex, I don't think there is any contest. You will have to commit to being a taxi until the kids learn to drive but that will be the case for all the families in the village.

peachyprice

3 miles, is he serious?

Reading your thread you'd think you were considering moving 30 miles away. How can 3 miles make such a difference his journey time?

Honestly, it's such a ridiculously short distance to move, I wouldn't even consider not doing it.

Sambucus_Nigra

It would take longer for you to type that post than for him to walk to your new house.

3 miles....can he not get a bike?

gingerwhinger

Mojisola wrote: »

Isn't he over-reacting about 3 miles or am I missing something?

Make two columns on a sheet of paper with PROs on one side and CONs on the other. If the only item in the CONs column is distance from your ex, I don't think there is any contest. You will have to commit to being a taxi until the kids learn to drive but that will be the case for all the families in the village.

Actually just checked on multimap and it's 6 miles:o I think 3 must be as the crow flies - not that it makes much difference..

I think the problem is that it's classed as a differet town.

And the bit that you're missing is that I still feel a tremendous amount of guilt as I was the one that left ....

nearlyrich

peachyprice wrote: »

Honestly, it's such a ridiculously short distance to move, I wouldn't even consider not doing it.

We moved about half a mile up the same road for a bigger house so it's not that ridiculous to move a short distance. However I agree with the comment that the ex is over reacting and you should look at the big picture for all the family.;)

ETA just reread Peachy's comment and it seems we are in agreeement, time for bed for me LOL

gingerwhinger

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

It would take longer for you to type that post than for him to walk to your new house.

3 miles....can he not get a bike?

Ha you're not wrong! Think it took about 10 minutes to get there!

I think I need to have a word with myself as just read my post back and I'm being quite ridiculous...

Mojisola

gingerwhinger wrote: »

And the bit that you're missing is that I still feel a tremendous amount of guilt as I was the one that left ....

If you're going to stay feeling guilty, you'll have to choose. Do you want to keep feeling guilty about leaving your ex or guilty because your children have had to put up with bullying at school and haven't had the pleasure of a larger garden and lovely surroundings?

Seriously, it might be worth talking to a counsellor about your guilt feelings so that you can get on with the rest of your life.

Emmzi

I take it no one drives?

If guilt massively consummes you, chip in for a moped??

McKneff

Stop with the guilt, the better life for you and your children should over ride all this.

6 miles, phhppff, he could walk 6 miles,, easy peasy. No more than a decent game of golf.

You think of you, your children, your new life for them. Your ex should be last on the list of priorities.

Sorry, dont mean to sound sharp, you seem to be a very nice person, but family, now family comes first. Let the ex deal with his problem.

lIving in the country is brilliant, good luck

mountainofdebt

get a grip

When I saw your title I thought you were wanting to move miles (as in hundreds) from where you are now....not 6 miles down the road.

Dad could be there in 15 minutes.