MSE Parents Club Part 14

CAFCGirl

thats what ive suggested Susan, on his days at work, hes literally gone for 13 hours.so the morning feed was his time with him, but its like as soon as he can offload him, he does....

its like now Landen is here, he doesnt even want to spend any time with him

Jakesmummy

Krystaltips wrote: »

I can't believe what I'm about to bid on on eBay... Although it says reserve not met so maybe I won't win it anyway...

Madness...

Ooh what?? spill:p

gawd mse is being so slow for me today, ive not even been able to get on for the past few hours!

r.mac_2

CAFCGirl wrote: »

he thinks that because he works he shouldnt have to do anything when he's off, and thats direct from his mouth, because its "his days off"....

I dont want to points score, and i dont think he has it harder, nor do i think i do.... i just want him to acknowledge that i dont sit on my backside all day doing nothing....

just so angry with him i want to cry....

ad to top it all off, he keeps asking me what im making for lunch!!!

sounds so familiar. it took DH about a year to realise babies don't have days off and I worked hard 24hrs a day! but I'm sure it won't take that long.

When baby is asleep - I recommend trying to forget what an ars8 your OH is being and cuddle up on teh sofa with him. Tell him you love him and that your finding jugling your new role as mother/lover/cook etc stressful. Put on your sweetest smile and seductive pose and use all your feminine whiles then hit him with it - 'can you help me?' tell him how good he is at things (try not to lie :rotfl:) and that you envy him getting to have adult conversstions on a daily basis! He may be feeling left out

alternatively, make him an SS star chart special :rotfl:

Mazcabs

CAFCGirl wrote: »

he thinks that because he works he shouldnt have to do anything when he's off, and thats direct from his mouth, because its "his days off"....

I dont want to points score, and i dont think he has it harder, nor do i think i do.... i just want him to acknowledge that i dont sit on my backside all day doing nothing....

just so angry with him i want to cry....

ad to top it all off, he keeps asking me what im making for lunch!!!

I know what you mean CAFC - we used to have this and even now I am back at work its always me that gets up in the night generally. It does get better honestly - just hang in there and as rmac really not good to points score if you can help it

salesshopper

Hugs to CAFC but sugar's post made me smile. Sugar have you considered a career in marriage guidance or diplomancy?:rotfl:
I have a tendancy to be very petty when we argue I once went back to my mams but took the sky card with me

Krystaltips

CAFCGirl wrote: »

thats what ive suggested Susan, on his days at work, hes literally gone for 13 hours.so the morning feed was his time with him, but its like as soon as he can offload him, he does....

its like now Landen is here, he doesnt even want to spend any time with him

I think it's harder for blokes to connect with babies in the early days because they view them as breakable, fragile and incredibly boring... I'm another of these "doesn't take no for an answer" and I would foist the baby on DH at every available moment, he would take it in turns getting up with her because he didn't have a choice... We agreed who would get up when we went to bed and we would stick to it... Although I did do all the night feeds so he couldn't really complain about that...

Now she's a bit older and he's a lot more confident in knowing what to do with her, he's a lot happier to be left to his own devices with her... And has even been known to take her to the shop on his own with her in the pram, something he wouldn't of even entertained 12 months ago...

Try not to dwell on it and let it fester into something more than it should be, be clear about what you expect from him... And don't take over if he starts failing at nap time / nappy changes / feeding etc... It just gives him an excuse to not do it in future... Let him figure his own way of doing it...

Jakesmummy wrote: »

Ooh what?? spill:p

gawd mse is being so slow for me today, ive not even been able to get on for the past few hours!

It's being a PITA for me too... Keeps coming up with a page not found when I refresh...

It didn't meet the reserve so I didn't win I suppose

workinmummy

salesshopper wrote: »

I have a tendancy to be very petty when we argue I once went back to my mams but took the sky card with me

That is fab. I would never think of that :T

My_Fathers_Daughter

r.mac wrote: »

sounds so familiar. it took DH about a year to realise babies don't have days off and I worked hard 24hrs a day! but I'm sure it won't take that long.

When baby is asleep - I recommend trying to forget what an ars8 your OH is being and cuddle up on teh sofa with him. Tell him you love him and that your finding jugling your new role as mother/lover/cook etc stressful. Put on your sweetest smile and seductive pose and use all your feminine whiles then hit him with it - 'can you help me?' tell him how good he is at things (try not to lie :rotfl:) and that you envy him getting to have adult conversstions on a daily basis! He may be feeling left out

alternatively, make him an SS star chart special :rotfl:

Very sensible advice.

I keep typing and deleting because I am generally very chilled out about this stuff and I don't think that drawing battle lines is helpful but here are a few of my 'coping tactics':

- Lay down the rules with regard to when he gets in from work. In our case it was stopping hubby taking 20 mins to 'relax' with the paper or whatever, he now does his 'winding down' whilst I put Benjamin to bed.
- Give hubby certain jobs and don't let him get away with 'not knowing which nappy to use/where they are/which vest goes under a sleepsuit etc.
- If he doesn't do things YOUR way, it does not mean that it is the wrong way, just a different way - bite your tongue if you want him to keep helping (there is a great post from me last halloween along these lines)
- Encourage him and baby to really bond - say things like 'his eyes light up when he sees you' and 'he smiles for you all the time' - encourage their relationship.
- If you are cooking, he should be looking after the baby - simples


And finally - are you okay atm? I know hubby is upsetting you but is everything else okay? Are you feeling a little bit down in general? xxx

SugarSpun

salesshopper wrote: »

Hugs to CAFC but sugar's post made me smile. Sugar have you considered a career in marriage guidance or diplomancy?:rotfl:
I have a tendancy to be very petty when we argue I once went back to my mams but took the sky card with me

I don't think you need any help from me :rotfl:

Normally what happens is that I think of the thing I want to do and imagine doing it. And that makes me smile quite a bit because it normally has very great comedy value, but then I imagine the consequences of my petty response and I remember that I'm an adult and much as I get angry with my husband I love him, we made a child together, and we need to figure out a way to raise her together even when we annoy each other. And then by that time I've calmed down enough to talk about whatever it is in a reasonable way and negotiate to a reasonable solution.

It might be as simple as saying, I never get a day off, those three hours I took the other day was the only baby-free time I've had since [whenever]. Can you see why it's frustrating for me that you want so much time to yourself when we had a child together but you're not giving up any of your free time when all mine is gone?

We're very different people, Husband and I, and we're very different parents. He does stuff that makes me cringe - but he loves our child and we have figured out a way that works for us. It took a lot of imaginary comedy moments and a lot of serious discussions, though.

r.mac_2

Krystaltips wrote: »

Has anybody mentioned that they're all different?

I had one that made sleep avoidance into an art form... And another who will sleep the afternoon away if you let her...

I can't believe what I'm about to bid on on eBay... Although it says reserve not met so maybe I won't win it anyway...

Madness...

what didn't you win krystal?

ooooh the wise woman called me sensible *don't tell her but it was her advice to me this time last year re-packaged r.mac style *:T