MSE Parents Club Part 14

r.mac_2

hugs CAFC x

As My hubby and I have discovered having a baby is hard. Not just the normal feeding etc, its hard on marriage adn can pull you in all sorts of directions. And none of the baby books really tell you that bit either! Its not talked about - but I can assure you its normal! The thing is to keep talking - not argueing or trying to pull rank or score keeping. Remember that you are a team and can help each other through........

it gets easier as you all find your feet. Hubby and I are getting there - slowly, but surely. And I'm sure you will too. its not a nice feeling to feel the way you do, so have some huge hugs x

SugarSpun

CAFC I would make a star chart for both of you, a very sarcastic one and he would get one for every getting up/walking the dog/household task - and so would you. And then as soon as it became apparent that you were getting millions more stars for doing stuff I would tell him to !!!!!! and be grateful you're doing the household stuff. But I am a stroppy argumentative besom and you might prefer just to tell him what you just told us. And macsmiler is right, babies are hard work.

CAFCGirl

he thinks that because he works he shouldnt have to do anything when he's off, and thats direct from his mouth, because its "his days off"....

I dont want to points score, and i dont think he has it harder, nor do i think i do.... i just want him to acknowledge that i dont sit on my backside all day doing nothing....

just so angry with him i want to cry....

ad to top it all off, he keeps asking me what im making for lunch!!!

emlou2009

I lit it with the long lighter we got for the bbq, so the internal one doesnt work. And yes ladies it is definitely gas :rotfl:

Becles

SugarSpun wrote: »

CAFC I would make a star chart for both of you, a very sarcastic one and he would get one for every getting up/walking the dog/household task - and so would you. And then as soon as it became apparent that you were getting millions more stars for doing stuff I would tell him to !!!!!! and be grateful you're doing the household stuff. But I am a stroppy argumentative besom and you might prefer just to tell him what you just told us. And macsmiler is right, babies are hard work.

I like that idea. I might borrow it :D

Hope you get things sorted CAFC xx

Hope you get the oven fixed Em. It reminded me of a problem my Mam had with the gas oven in the church kitchen. Something had boiled over and there were manky bits blocking the gas jets so it wouldn't light properly. She was on her hands and knees with her head in the oven cleaning the jets, when a stupid woman burst in and grabbed my Mam while screaming "what on earth are you doing?". For some reason she thought my Mam was killing herself in the oven, even though she's never been suicidal before?! Bizarre!

workinmummy

CAFC i'd be making my own lunch and telling him to get stuffed. But then i'm like SS.

My OH is the same, never gets up with Alex. And we both work full time. His day ends when he gets in a 6pm and his a5s sticks to the couch, whilst mine is still being a whirlwind of looking after kids, homework, tea making, bath-time and bed, then bag packing and lunch making etc, etc. His day starts when he gets up at 8.10am, and he goes out the door at 8.20am. I do breakfasts, kids dressed, childminder and school run. My alarm goes off at 6.45am, and that is if i am lucky that Alex is still asleep. And I could have gotten up 1,2,3 etc times in the night to see to Alex

BUT, BUT you see that's all ok. Because I go to bed at 10pm and am normally asleep by 10.30pm, and he is always awake for at least 2 hours more than me, because he watches carp like Newsnight and Question time and thinks he's a ruddy politician. Well that just FINE then, as his fat lazy a5s is stuck to the bed instead of the couch for those two hours...... You get the picture. I have no idea how he can have the bare face cheek to watch me do what I do and just sit there. But he does.

OHs days off consist of that, days off to himself. Mine are always centered around the kids. I've had one day off to myself, when my body gave in to the man flu and I took to my bed. That one day apparently should have made me feel sooo much better and set me up for the rest of the year.

Anyway that's my rant. On a brighter note. Alex slept through the night. Woo hoo. :T

got-it-spend-it

r.mac wrote: »

hugs CAFC x

As My hubby and I have discovered having a baby is hard. Not just the normal feeding etc, its hard on marriage adn can pull you in all sorts of directions. And none of the baby books really tell you that bit either! Its not talked about - but I can assure you its normal! The thing is to keep talking - not argueing or trying to pull rank or score keeping. Remember that you are a team and can help each other through........

it gets easier as you all find your feet. Hubby and I are getting there - slowly, but surely. And I'm sure you will too. its not a nice feeling to feel the way you do, so have some huge hugs x

I agree with rmac. It often does feel like a battle, but it's not. You both want the same thing so the best thing to do is try and do things fairly. could you compromise with OH, CAFC, so he gets one day 'off' and you get to rest on the other one while he deals with L? I sometimes just get OH to take H out for a couple of hours when he is of just so I get some quiet time to myself, although I often spend it doing housework!


Does anyone want/need an ELC 20% of code? I have a couple of spare ones from the Muller Lucky stars that I can PM if anyone would like them.

emlou2009 wrote: »

I lit it with the long lighter we got for the bbq, so the internal one doesnt work. And yes ladies it is definitely gas :rotfl:

Sometimes it can a battery that needs replacing to make the spark thingy light it. Maybe they didn't put a new battery in or something?

Krystaltips

My_Fathers_Daughter wrote: »

I also worry that he needs so much sleep when V (for example) seems to be phasing out her daytime nap and maybe he is missing out on something (nutritionally or whatever) because he still needs so much sleep

Has anybody mentioned that they're all different?

I had one that made sleep avoidance into an art form... And another who will sleep the afternoon away if you let her...

I can't believe what I'm about to bid on on eBay... Although it says reserve not met so maybe I won't win it anyway...

Madness...

CAFCGirl

GISI -Tried that, but because he has zero patience with L, and mucks up his routine and then comes and moans to me, I end up maybe getting 3 hours tops to myself.... the one day I went into town with my mum when she was up and left L I was gone for 3 hours and he's STILL throwing that one back in my face for whats he's done for me.....

part of me could throw a whole load of other carp at him about how im feeling in myself, but i dont because it wont help matters....and wont change anything....

SusanC_2

CAFCGirl wrote: »

he thinks that because he works he shouldnt have to do anything when he's off, and thats direct from his mouth, because its "his days off"....

I dont want to points score, and i dont think he has it harder, nor do i think i do.... i just want him to acknowledge that i dont sit on my backside all day doing nothing....

just so angry with him i want to cry....

ad to top it all off, he keeps asking me what im making for lunch!!!

It sounds like he doesn't fully appreciate that what you are doing all day while he's out at work is work. Obviously staying at home looking after the baby is different because you probably enjoy it more and you don't have supervisors and targets etc. but at the same time you also don't have any guaranteed breaks as even when they have a nap you are on call and you have lots of other things to do while they are sleeping. I'm not sure what is the best way of communicating it to him but somehow he needs to understand that just as him being at work is demanding, so is staying at home with Landen.

The other thing is that L is his child too so he should be spending time with him when he can anyway. Perhaps it would help if you agreed something routine/standard for him to do every day? (I know my OH finds it much easier if the things I expect him to do are routine and standard rather than varying.) When Alice was small OH always did her bath and the 10/10.30pm bottle (and he still does the bath). If I had done them then he wouldn't have been able to spend any time with her in the week when he was at work so it meant he got to spend time with her and it also meant I had a certain amount of "time off" so to speak.

Anyway, I hope some of that is helpful - feel free to ignore if it's no use.