Buffy's Adventures at the Post Office......

Shoe_Gal

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

thanks guys xxxx

I going for the job, I was going to any way cos it really is the type of job I want and I like you say Sammy, I have to be in it to win it!

xxx

Fingers crossed for you :A

Buffythedebtslayer

Not been around for a few days.

Shattered.

Am wondering how human beings survive when life can be ripped up so completely and just come back together so unrecognisable from what it was.
Met a woman tonight, randomly in the chicken shop! She was a little older then me, no kids, no hubby. Had lived with her Mum up until her death a few years ago. Life changes so completely when some one you love dies. Its as if the colour has gone on your TV, you can still see and do everything but you know some thing is so so wrong. That spilt second in the morning and immediately afterwards when you "remember". Its still such a wave of pure pain sometimes. Not so often now.

Its mostly doable but today I could see the pain in that woman's face and I now echo it, don't get me wrong I didn't pity her but I think I understood. Its hard. It fills your mind and seeps into every thing some days. Often the memories are good and make me smile but fear can creep in and catch you unawares. A random conversation with another person, a friend's Mum moving out her childhood home- a place I spent so time. the last connection to my past, a place my Dad picked me from a thousand times. Music on the radio this morning-one of my Dad's favourites - that was a good memory and I still know all the words.

That conversation tho, I could be her a few years. Made me realise how much I want a someone. How much I want "a life" what ever I percieve it to be.

Night All

xxx

urg123

You deserve that someone - don't ever forget that. That someone is the rock that keeps you going even when you don't feel like it, the someone that you can turn to. Don't ever stop looking - he's out there!

Remember your dad with love, fondness and a smile.

urg x x

boredofbeingathome

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Not been around for a few days.

Shattered.

Am wondering how human beings survive when life can be ripped up so completely and just come back together so unrecognisable from what it was.
Met a woman tonight, randomly in the chicken shop! She was a little older then me, no kids, no hubby. Had lived with her Mum up until her death a few years ago. Life changes so completely when some one you love dies. Its as if the colour has gone on your TV, you can still see and do everything but you know some thing is so so wrong. That spilt second in the morning and immediately afterwards when you "remember". Its still such a wave of pure pain sometimes. Not so often now.

Its mostly doable but today I could see the pain in that woman's face and I now echo it, don't get me wrong I didn't pity her but I think I understood. Its hard. It fills your mind and seeps into every thing some days. Often the memories are good and make me smile but fear can creep in and catch you unawares. A random conversation with another person, a friend's Mum moving out her childhood home- a place I spent so time. the last connection to my past, a place my Dad picked me from a thousand times. Music on the radio this morning-one of my Dad's favourites - that was a good memory and I still know all the words.

That conversation tho, I could be her a few years. Made me realise how much I want a someone. How much I want "a life" what ever I percieve it to be.

Night All

xxx

Aww Buffy it must have been a hard day for you.

I think sometimes we are all guilty of looking at other folk and seeing a reflection of ourselves. In all honesty though, i don't see you like that at all.
I see someone who is making strides to change themselves, move forward and make a different reality for herself.
You are entitled to feel down every now and then, but look at all your achievements, be proud of yourself and who you are.
You will meet that special someone, unfortunately there maybe a few frogs along the way..but have fun finding out.

Now give yourself permission to have a life and enjoy it.:D

xx

Different_Corner

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Life changes so completely when some one you love dies. Its as if the colour has gone on your TV, you can still see and do everything but you know some thing is so so wrong. That spilt second in the morning and immediately afterwards when you "remember". Its still such a wave of pure pain sometimes. Not so often now.

It fills your mind and seeps into every thing some days.
xxx

Buffy, that was a very eloquent post. Exactly how it feels to me some days.
Sometimes when they are sitting on your shoulder, they give you nudge and say come on girl....

TY.

Happytogetdebtfree

Hugs buffy x

o2bfree

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Am wondering how human beings survive when life can be ripped up so completely and just come back together so unrecognisable from what it was.
Met a woman tonight, randomly in the chicken shop! She was a little older then me, no kids, no hubby. Had lived with her Mum up until her death a few years ago. Life changes so completely when some one you love dies. Its as if the colour has gone on your TV, you can still see and do everything but you know some thing is so so wrong. That spilt second in the morning and immediately afterwards when you "remember". Its still such a wave of pure pain sometimes. Not so often now.

Its mostly doable but today I could see the pain in that woman's face and I now echo it, don't get me wrong I didn't pity her but I think I understood. Its hard. It fills your mind and seeps into every thing some days. Often the memories are good and make me smile but fear can creep in and catch you unawares. A random conversation with another person, a friend's Mum moving out her childhood home- a place I spent so time. the last connection to my past, a place my Dad picked me from a thousand times. Music on the radio this morning-one of my Dad's favourites - that was a good memory and I still know all the words.

That conversation tho, I could be her a few years. Made me realise how much I want a someone. How much I want "a life" what ever I percieve it to be.

This post made me cry. Normally I can get through every day with my mask painted on but your words really touched me.
On my diary I mention that a personal tradegy helped my debt grow.
That tradegy was losing my beautiful 1st granddaughter at the age of 3 very suddenly. I still feel I haven't grieved.
The cry made me feel a little better though.

Buffythedebtslayer

I haven't written here for a few days, I didn't really know what to say to your replies. Except for thank you.

and O2bfree, you are new to my diary welcome and hugs. I hope you feel a little better every so often, tough times but if we all support each other it helps ever such a lot. xxxx

Well Friday was good. I had some good lessons and worked at my other job which was ok - extra cash. I haven't been too well this but aside from that I have had a good weekend. Yesterday I went to my MA course. It was hard and I felt VERY stupid.

Then when I came home Mum and I went up to London to see the Pope. I know a lot of people think he is awful and the Catholic Church is corrupt etc, but well it is pretty much my family religion, made my Mum really happy and I so pleased we did it.

Today is all about tidying and sorting as Sundays often are. I am currently watching the tv tho but will move shortly. Am feeling so peaceful.

hugs for all.
xx

Buffythedebtslayer

I was feeling so "peaceful" that I went back to bed!!

It was a nice nap - could go again to be honest but we have to prepare for the boiler man to come.

I am watching the TinMan on Skyplus and this is sequence of numbers they needed to shut down the Sun machine

1066, 1418,1666,1789,1485

As a history buff I have just sat here and worked out that they are all historical events.

1066-battle of Hastings
1418- dates of WW1(1914-18)
1666- Great Fire of London
1789- Start of the French revolution
1485 - War of the Roses, start of the Tudor reign.
1208- King John gets the whole of England ex-communicated from the Catholic Church.

Sad I know but these things bug me. They all sounded really familiar!

I don't feel that stunning to be honest but I suppose I had best get on.

perhaps some medicinal chocolate first

xxx

Happytogetdebtfree

Good luck with tidying and happy Sunday. Glad you enjoyed seeing the pope if not for the religion the experience is one that can be enjoyed :-) x