High income but deep deep in debt-any advice?

debthelp100830

immoral_angeluk wrote: »

Money has no heart or soul. Your marriage and family, however, should. If you wife can't realise what's important in life and that you don't have to live the rich life to be happy and loved, then I'd be wondering whether she has severe personality/self esteem issues. That or she's just taking you for a ride.

It certainly sounds as if you love her to death, which is admirably, but allowing her to continue emotionally blackmailing you in such a manner that you will risk SERIOUS debt issues and losing your job to continue keeping her, then you are in fact doing her more harm than good and reinforcing her behaviour. She's a mother and it is beyond me as to why she isn't looking after her child instead of you paying more than a normal person's months wages on nursery fees while she seemingly does jack!

i dont love her to death, or really love her much tbh.
i love my daughter to death. she does look after the child to be fair to her. its just that she just dont want to adjust to the reality that we cant live the lifestyle dictated by my income, rather have to weigh in the debts as well. she shd be keeping the daughter home but she is convinced she wont be able to find the job that way. anyways, we have put the timeline for nursery to end of this month.

immoral_angeluk

debthelp100830 wrote: »

wife knows. she thinks (and says) i am responsible for taking care of finances. if i have made a mess, i sort it out.

Then you have the control over her reckless spending.

dtaylor84

This is insane. You're either a troll or in denial.

If someone is uncontrollably spending your money there is no possible way to get out of debt, as you don't have an infinite salary, despite the wishes of your wife.

Whilst you may prefer to keep your relationship "out of scope" of this discussion, it is part of the problem. Any solution that doesn't deal with it is doomed to failure.

debthelp100830

BLT wrote: »

Lets be serious, this just has to be a comedy post. To earn 8,000 a month after tax you have to be on a salary of 160k a year.

We are supposed to believe that the guy goes into the bank and tells them he has an income of 160k a year and they wont give him a 25k loan. We are further supposed to believe that a guy with the necessary skills and expertise to obtain a job paying 160k a year is renting a house?

Its just a total pile of excrement which is hardly worth commenting on except for the comedy value.

i was under the same impression about the 25k loan- was told "system" doesnt allow them to put a loan with my kind of credit history.
its not comic, u just proved the point i made in #105. ppl earning well are not supposed to have problems and if they do have, its comic

elfen

You need to be honest with her. Tell her she can't go on like this, and show her the bills and credit card statements. If she still refuses to take any notice, and this may be childish or seen as too far, but take her debit card off her and any credit cards that you pay off for her. She needs to see that you CANNOT carry on like this.....and I do get the feeling she isn't British by birth, and that there is the possibility of either being Polish or Russian judging by her reaction.

debthelp100830

chesky369 wrote: »

I think the OP may be frantic that his wife might take his daughter abroad - he's been asked a couple of times if she's from this country but hasn't replied.

This is not a loan question despite what the OP keeps saying - if he were on his own, he'd be able to get out of this mess without a loan.

The sad thing is that, even if he sorted things out now, in six months or two years, wifey would still be holding him to ransome - I see absolutely no future for them together.

i agree with your post. i have avoided answering any qns on her nationality etc because i have given enough personal details now. beyond this, i can just go public. hope u appreciate. but there is real danger of daughter getting in mess. wife doesnt really understands things like law.

sorry, never wanted to make her the main topic but it has somehow. to be scared of something needs common sense too. u can only scare ppl who follow reasoning. i cannot match someone who doesnt get that she is the one who ends up a loser in long run (and doing exactly the opposite if her idea of good life is rich husband with no work)- and thinks she wins by acting out her threats .

i am just patient here because i want my daughter to grow with me, to grow up learning values and appreciate things like hard work, success, achievement in life. i was born in working class family with lower than average income and she in rich one. i know where we are today. patience is the winner here- its hurting me now but am almost there..just need to survive 6 mths now.

WaxiesDargle

well I got to page 6 of this thread and the greater part of me thinks this is a very well written wind up by an intelligent guy...however if it aint then all I can say is within these pages is all the advise you need OP...it can't go any further than reduce your outgoings...pure and simple...I wont go into where because it has been said many times already and you know by now...

I'm hopeless at relationships so this is a bit of a 'houses glass and stones' thing...

but man from what you have said on here...you have a wife from hell....that aint a marriage its a 'do as I say or else you'll lose your daughter' constant threat...that is hideous mate....to you and your daughter

what does she do all day while your working 60 hours?

you will never sort out your debts with a wife who wont let you

all I can say is good luck my friend...you will need it

carkeyz

I havent read through other posts so apologies if i am repeting information. I too have a family of three me my partner and our 16 month old daughter. She is also in child care and we survive on well under 1500 pm! Hope I can help.

debthelp100830 wrote: »

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 1
Number of cars owned....................

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 7915
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0 If things are really tough could ur partner not find part time work? Or stop the childcare if it isnt needed.
Benefits................................ 0
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 7915

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 1495 Could you move somewhere cheaper, around here this would get you a mansion!!
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 140
Electricity............................. 80
Gas..................................... 25
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 0
Telephone (land line)................... 45 Dont use it simple
Mobile phone............................ 25
TV Licence.............................. 15
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 44 This is a luxuary, even if you are tied in they will reduce your package
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 900 WOW. I spend £50-£60 a week MAX. Asda isnt that bad
Clothing................................ 300 Again WOW I would love to spend this but it just wont happen.
Petrol/diesel........................... 0
Road tax................................ 0
Car Insurance........................... 0
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 150
Childcare/nursery....................... 1240 This is extortionate if your partner isnt working, why cant she look after the child?
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 30
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0
Haircuts................................ 30
Entertainment........................... 0
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 4519


Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 55000
Car(s).................................. 0
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 55000

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Payday loans...................3200......3200......1500
Credit cards...................24000.....550.......20
Overdraft......................5500......80........20
Total unsecured debts..........32700.....3830......-


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 7,915
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 4,519
Available for debt repayments........... 3,396
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 3,830
Amount short for making debt repayments. -434

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 55,000
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -32,700
Net Assets.............................. 22,300

Watalie

debthelp100830 wrote: »

i agree with your post. i have avoided answering any qns on her nationality etc because i have given enough personal details now. beyond this, i can just go public. hope u appreciate. but there is real danger of daughter getting in mess. wife doesnt really understands things like law.

sorry, never wanted to make her the main topic but it has somehow. to be scared of something needs common sense too. u can only scare ppl who follow reasoning. i cannot match someone who doesnt get that she is the one who ends up a loser in long run (and doing exactly the opposite if her idea of good life is rich husband with no work)- and thinks she wins by acting out her threats .

i am just patient here because i want my daughter to grow with me, to grow up learning values and appreciate things like hard work, success, achievement in life. i was born in working class family with lower than average income and she in rich one. i know where we are today. patience is the winner here- its hurting me now but am almost there..just need to survive 6 mths now.

Your daughter isn't learning anything of value from her mother by the sounds of it. And she is just learning appeasement from you. It's not my place to comment on your relationship but wife needs to know the extent of the money worries. You have to lay it out in black and white for her.

Perhaps take your daughter out of nursery for 6 months, tell your wife she doesn't need to look for work if she accepts this change to the routine and you'd soon (with a few other tweaks, I'm sure) have it all sorted out.

On a personal note... staying together for the sake of the child rarely does any good - thats speaking from my personal experience of being the child.

immoral_angeluk

Watalie wrote: »

On a personal note... staying together for the sake of the child rarely does any good - thats speaking from my personal experience of being the child.

Agreed, having been the child, as well as a parent.