High income but deep deep in debt-any advice?

immoral_angeluk

debthelp100830 wrote: »

i am just patient here because i want my daughter to grow with me, to grow up learning values and appreciate things like hard work, success, achievement in life. i was born in working class family with lower than average income and she in rich one. i know where we are today. patience is the winner here- its hurting me now but am almost there..just need to survive 6 mths now.

You sound like a wonderful caring father, but as a parent myself, all it appears that you are teaching your child is that a woman is to be 'kept', and that she can manipulate men into getting what she wants.

debthelp100830

thanks everyone for advice and help- it genuinely has helped in some ways. though i need to work more with my wife.

part of the reason i did agree to nursery thing a few mths back was that otherwise my kid was just watching tv whole day long. going to nursery meant she learnt some skills and values which she wasnt learning at home. the only time i actually lose my patience is when i see my kid's life getting wasted and realised that any shouting/fighting completely stopped once my daughter started going to nursery as i could completely ignore my wife apart from writing the clothes/spending out cheque.

but i have taken things on board. cuts have started. food i think will go down by 50%, clothes today was the last time- am not letting her get away with it now. and nursery is already agreed to be stopped at end of month if she cant find job. if she does find some job, am ok- it would cancel the fees a bit, or put it other way she will atleast finance her food/going out/clothes expense from her job.

debthelp100830

immoral_angeluk wrote: »

You sound like a wonderful caring father, but as a parent myself, all it appears that you are teaching your child is that a woman is to be 'kept', and that she can manipulate men into getting what she wants.

she is too small to understand all this. she does understand though when ppl shout/fight with each other. she needs to play, learn skills and go to sleep happily for now rather than under some trauma. and she needs both her parents. her mother still loves her, she just has her own way which may not be best in my eyes.
i am almost convinced i dont need my wife, dont think convinced yet that my daughter doesnt need her mother.

immoral_angeluk

debthelp100830 wrote: »

she is too small to understand all this. she does understand though when ppl shout/fight with each other. she needs to play, learn skills and go to sleep happily for now rather than under some trauma. and she needs both her parents. her mother still loves her, she just has her own way which may not be best in my eyes.
i am almost convinced i dont need my wife, dont think convinced yet that my daughter doesnt need her mother.

You'll be amazed how much they pick up at even such a tiny age. I saw it when I seperated from my husband when my daughters were about 2 and 4.
The thing that worries me is that there is nothing you have said which convinces me any of this will change, so although she may be small now, she'll soon grow and become more aware of what is happening.

In all honesty if you're going to seperate, it's better to do it while they're young an don't understand about relationships etc.

carkeyz

Have finished reading through the thread and at the end of the day we are all telling you the only way to cut your debt is to cut back on expenses but you are not willing to do this.

Dont you think we would all love to get a loan and consolidate all our own debts? The economy is f***ed hence why even with you earning hundreds of thousands of pounds a year lenders have to be very very choosy about who they lend too.

Im DYING to be debt free and live happliy with my partner and daughter, we want to get married so bad but cant even afford that!

Get a grip and take a REALITY check.

Kitten_Claws

Debthelp. Does your wife want to be married to you? She knows there are issues with money and continues to spend thus adding to your stress.

Have you considered Relate or some sort of advocacy whereby the situation could be explained evenly without judgement, by a third party? Even if you do separate, there needs to be some sort of communication between the two of you for the sake of your little girl. Maybe this would be a good opportunity?

I think the emotional issues are clouding the practical ones and you are going round in circles as a result. You say you have no one to confide in - how about a personal counsellor? There needs to be boxes in your head - one for the emotional stress stuff and the other for the financial issues. It's a hell of a problem to shoulder on your own. Top and bottom of it is, if you don't take care of yourself, you will be in no position to look after anyone else.

anony.mouse1

With an income like that, you honestly have no problem. You just have to take charge of the situation, control your spending, and get those credit cards paid off as quickly as possible. Your problems are tiny, minisclue compared to the majority who come on here (and probably most people in the country). So stop whining and get on with it.

TaxPayingMug

talana wrote: »

With respect, you are so not on the edge.
This must be the most ridiculous SOA I've ever come across.
You have £55K in stocks and bonds - sell some and wipe the debts clean perhaps? Then start again
And you're burning money as if there's no tomorrow. If you weren't so profligate you could save £1000s every month

Exactly what i was thinking.
If that is 'living on the edge' i would love to know what you consider to be rich.

This OP must be a joke surely.

hebe

Good luck with clearing your debt and sorting your family life.

I just wanted to make a suggestion re childcare. I am currently at home with my two year old following redundancy, we have downscaled to live on my partner's salary. Once or twice a week my girl goes into the creche at the local leisure centre, this costs £10 per year for her membership card and £6.30 for a 2hr drop and shop session. It is a lifesaver - I get some sanity time and she gets time with qualified trained nursery nurses without it breaking the bank. Worth a phone call, perhaps? Personally, I don't mind my child watching cbeebies, but we also spend time going for walks/baking/playing etc, children learn through play early on. As has already been said, all children become entitled to 12 free hours of preschool education per week from the term after they turn 3 so that might help, assuming that it doesn't go in the next budget. There are always plenty of playgroups and other childrens activities available too - even on a fiver a session your girl would have a blast, your wife would be out of the house and you'd be saving substantially on nursery fees.

I know that your wife is looking for work, but realistically would she be earning enough to cover that kind of childcare cost? I know you have a load on your plate right now, but it's worth being sure that this problem won't come back if your wife's salary won't cover childcare and the other costs of working. My partner works long hours and is frequently away, and my last job involved similar travel so we've concluded that the best childcare for us at the moment is actually me. It is hard to come to terms with the loss of my salary, did your wife work before she had your daughter? Much as I adore my daughter I have to say that the change in finances and independence has been challenging on occasion.

immoral_angeluk

It doesn't sound like your wife is particularly keen on looking after her daughter and being a fulltime mum.. but one suggestion would be for her to consider childminding?