High income but deep deep in debt-any advice?

DaveLy

Let me guess, this clear, excessive spending is 80% your wifes, with crazy payday loans and credit cards.

Heres a quick test, say to your wife that your *thinking* of taking time off work unpaid for a year cause you want to see your kid grow up, that you'll look after her rather than pay childcare and it'd be great if she finds a job.

I'm a betting man, and I'd put money on it she'd wanna run for the hills.

Luckily for me, I'm not far off what you earn, and the other half would eat broken glass while rolling over hot coals for me without hesitation, even if i was stone broke.

immoral_angeluk

DaveLy wrote: »

...and the other half would eat broken glass while rolling over hot coals for me without hesitation, even if i was stone broke.

Which is exactly the way a true marriage should be.

diable

DaveLy wrote: »

the other half would eat broken glass while rolling over hot coals for me without hesitation

I'd pay to watch that you may be on to a winner

diable

At the end of the day be a man and tell the wife to reign it it or just cancel her cards, if she is using emotional blackmail to get at you now then I can tell you that you will be in for a massive shock in the next few years.

Out of curiosity what nationality is your wife?

bendix

I dont understand the OP's problem. He is only a few hundred quid short of meeting his obligations - surely the payday loan is the one to focus on.

ONe month of cutting back on a lot takes complete care of that.

Why would he need a payday loan anyway? It doesnt make sense. Pay the damn thing off and never use it again. It's ridiculous. You don't need it.

Oh,and grow a pair man. For chrissakes.

goingforward_3

Ok your about £450 month short for repayments... well given you (as a family) spend £300 on clothing you must have loads of clothes.. all of which i assume dont come from the likes of Primark.

So get your wife to get sorting through all your wardrobes and get ebaying.. and if she thinks ebaying is beneath her tell her to get a reality check and get on with it. Your little girl is what 2/3 ? so must have outgrown all her baby gear... it can sell for loads on ebay again get it on there. You might not make up all your shortfall but you could make 1/2 of it without too much effort.

As for your food bill, we feed 2 adults and 2 kids (8 & 11) on £250 a month.

We (as in my husband and i) are in debt because we were in denial and had our heads in the sand for far too long (oh and we're idiots that consoliated but ran up the debts again!) but we married each other for better or worse... i dont care if we end up in a cardboard box as long as me & him are together and he feels the same.

Your marriage/your life but your wife isnt coming across as a very nice person and seems to me she needs to get a grip about whats important in life and that sure as hell isnt money.

immoral_angeluk

Money has no heart or soul. Your marriage and family, however, should. If you wife can't realise what's important in life and that you don't have to live the rich life to be happy and loved, then I'd be wondering whether she has severe personality/self esteem issues. That or she's just taking you for a ride.

It certainly sounds as if you love her to death, which is admirably, but allowing her to continue emotionally blackmailing you in such a manner that you will risk SERIOUS debt issues and losing your job to continue keeping her, then you are in fact doing her more harm than good and reinforcing her behaviour. She's a mother and it is beyond me as to why she isn't looking after her child instead of you paying more than a normal person's months wages on nursery fees while she seemingly does jack!

dancingfairy

O.k - sadly I can't see you getting a consolidation loan. As has been stated before you could try a credit union to help you get out of the payday loan trap.
At the end of the day if you can't get a loan then you basically have 4 options:
1) increase your income
2) decrease your expenses
3) default on some or all of your debts - as has also been suggested - change bank account, default on the payday loans and set up a repayment plan.
4) a combination of numbers 1 and 2.
I would also maybe have a look at getting a solicitor and/or counselling. It is obvious that your little one is the most important thing to you right now so maybe counselling would help clear you mind/think more clearly about things and the solicitor should be able to advise you on what would happen if you and your wife did split up and what is the likely situation regarding custady of your child - you may find your fears are unfounded - either way you will be able to assess the situation better.
Oh - I also agree - there are ways you can cut down without sacrificing the 'lifestyle look' if you choose - heck get cheaper cereal and put it in branded boxes etc if you are worried about what people would think.
Also don't forget vintage fashion is very fashionable right now and you can get some cheaper basic clothes (underwear etc) while only spending on 1 key piece - ebay the rest - who's really going to know?
Good Luck
df

BAILEYS6904

Tell you what OP, I hope for your sake this is a troll post, and you;re having us all on.

If you're not, then you really do want to wake up and smell the roses. Do you and your wife actually love each other? Or is this a marriage of convenience, with some poor child stuck in the middle? If there are any sort of feelings involved at all, your wife is not going to split up her family and take your child away because she has to, I would say watch her pennies, not even that, live within a budget that most people would still class as luxury.

If she does, you're better off without and share custody of your daughter. If your wife thinks that little of you and your daughter anyway, she will probably let you have her. And to be honest, in a custody hearing, the fact that the mother doesnt work and still palms your daughter off to nursery anyway, wont show in her in great colours.

I used to think that I would do anything for a job of that salary. You've just made me realise, even on that wage, I wouldnt trade my relationship for yours. I dont have to worry that my relationship is based on my earning power. If I had an accident/was made redundant/could no longer work, my OH would stay with me, would yours???

debthelp100830

Mrs_Jojo wrote: »

Simple answer - cut food spending, cut clothes spending, cut nursery spending for 6 months.

Remind wife of the wedding vows - richer and poorer.

6 momths time, sorted.

I really do sympathise, but as a woman (who has worked all her life) I think your wife needs a massive reality check - you do know that there is nothing stopping you applying for custody if your marriage did break up, don't you?

food spending cut
clothes spending- will just get abuse if i tell the truth (wife bought a new suit on a friend's credit, says her old one doesnt fit, and she absolutely needs it if she is serious about finding the job. apparently some headhunter told her she needs to go for interviews looking more decent) what do i think- am brain dead if i have to explain anything. am spending whole of bank holiday weekend falling sick in stress on how i will manage the month and she knows it. what do i say?
nursery- sorted, will take my daughter out at end of month if wife doesnt have job by then. she has agreed.
i may get custody but do i have time or money to pay lawyers for custody, i need to focus on my job and make sure i am debt-free in 6 mths. once i get there, am not forgetting the emotional blackmail of last 2-3 yrs.