High income but deep deep in debt-any advice?

Malky

debthelp100830 wrote: »

my wife says she married someone who earned xyz not someone who had debt of xyz. says my debt is my problem not hers.

Ouch! That must have hurt when you heard that? There's a lot I could follow up with but, as you say, this is not a relationship forum.
With your wife not working, surely she contributed to the debts so unfair to blame you for all of it? Apart from the obvious cutbacks that have been mentioned already, you should really try and get your wife on your side and compromise on your monthly outgoings. I highlighted compromise because this seems to be one of the things sadly missing in your relationship and would go a long way to help paying off your debts. You can't hide behind the facade forever or else you'll end up going under completely.

PS
Please give up on the idea of getting a consolodation loan. I don't mean to be rude but how many times do you need to be told that you're not going to get one. Your bank etc has refused and many people on here have advised against it anyway.

GavB79

yorkshire-lad wrote: »

Ok I got to post 62 and I had to post before I read further.

I don't think a loan is the answer,the things you have put in post 62 shows that you have been using the cc and payday loans to make ends meet. As nice as your salary is,your living beyond your means.

Say you did manage to get a loan,it may work out at say £200 less than your current out goings (min payments), but what if an 'emergency' pops up,car repairs etc. You will go straight back to the cc.

You need to cut back on alot of things. Do you know where the 25k has come from on the cc? If you have no nice big tvs or fancy purchases then where did the money go? This is what you need to find out,because if you can't your going to free up 25k credit on your ccs and you will be drawn right back in the cycle.

Please listen to the advice people are giving you!

Edit: I am talking from the point that If you did manage to get a loan.

I think you just need to cut back for 6months.

It went on maintaining his lifestyle through unemployment. The wife is the problem here.

BoGoF

My last post.....there is a difference between listening and actually hearing what is being said.

You are just going round in circles, 99% of the people on here are telling you you won't get the loan. No sensible lender will touch you with a barge pole....that is the bottom line.

Goodnight

gizmo111

The problem is the payday loans - do as I said earlier stop paying them and make a sensible offer over a few months, or try for a credit card that you could use to pay them off.

MyRubyRed

OP you won't lose your daughter. What you may loose is the mad way you are trying to keep it all together and that's your problem whether you like it or not.

pimento

GavB79 wrote: »

The wife is the problem here.

This.

As someone said upthread, if you go under, you'll lose your daughter anyway.

debthelp100830

bettyg41 wrote: »

Hi again
There's some sarcastic people on here! Why don't you ring national debtline for some advice? Also, if you started a debt management plan with a free company such as payplan or CCCS then there should be no reason for your employer to know as far as I am aware. Bankruptcy and IVAs are a different matter. You could set up a debt management plan which would give you breathing space for a few months then pay them all off when you can cash the assets in.
Betty

thanks- i will ring cccs tomorrow again. i am just scared of all this debt management plan etc. i just want to genuinely pay off my debt and live a normal life after that. fact that i think my life will be normal after 6 mths makes me even more cautious about using any plans that make my life difficult in future.

i have made mistakes in the past which has put me in today's situation. dont want to do something that would now affect my future.

target is simply to get thru 6 mths, reach 1Mar2011, pay everything off, start life from clean slate. remembering to learn from past mistakes but cutting off expenses and building savings for the rainy day and focus on giving my daughter best of education and best of life. first part of getting thru 6 mths is the toughest one. i am likely to miss payments on my credit cards for the first month this time, and want to avoid that.

will call cccs now- and tell them this, if they can help then great. else, i dunno. i will cut expenses from tmrw and try to take my daughter off nursery if my wife hasnt found a job by sept-end (anyway, nursery needs 1 mth notice)- and i am giving them the notice tmrw mrng when i leave my daughter to nursery.

wannabedebtfree_2

I understand your desperation, the difference being between you and I is that I have a family of 4 struggling on 20% of what you earn. You are in the lucky position that you know in 6 months time you will be able to pay your debt in its entirity, so the next 6 months will have to consist of cutting back as much as possible, learning from this and hopefully never getting into this position again. We have another 4-5 years of scraping by every month with only the lottery as our hope of salvation! This is not meant sarcastically or snidely I am just trying to point out that your situation is more managable than some people who use these boards.

You won't get a loan at the moment as 9 credit searches in 12 months, particularly the 3 in the past 3 months makes lenders suspicious, coupled with the fact that you are using 107% of your available credit would make most lenders run away to the hills.

Your budget has MASSIVE potential to be cut, and this will mean that the next 6 months will be easier than they are at the moment. Others have already pointed out the obvious about cutting back, but these are my thoughts;

Sky TV - cut out the movies and just get the entertainment, kids channels etc, I pay £20 per month

Food - I spend on average about £60 a week on 4 of us, thats lunches etc and I could probably cut this further, some weeks I only spend about £20 and although we aren't brand snobs there are some items I won't scrimp on. I do have most brands in my cupboards from Value up to top names, depending on the item. I get the offers generally and stock up on items that we use lots of when they are at their cheapest.

Clothes etc - this can be cut back for a while, and you say you spend £15-20 on friends kids bdays, I pick up gifts on the cheap and keep them in my wardrobe for random bdays, I picked up hair braiders that were £25 for £1.99 when they changed the box and Comet were getting rid of old stock! I also by sets of books from The Bookpeople, these tend to be £10 max but are very generous presents when you are giving someone 10 books and I think this is better than some plastic toy that will be a 10 minute craze.

Nursery - I'm glad you've decided to cut this back!

I personally don't think the stress will be any less in 6 months if you have not sorted out the issues with your wife, I think this is a bigger issue than the money really and your depression is making you focus on the money, I know I've been there and it was only when I realised that the money wasn't the biggest issue that I could actually start to sort the other stuff out.

Best of luck with your DFW journey.

sulkisu

One final point, if you do go down the CCCS/DMP route, you really will have to cut back dramatically, I'm afraid. You are allowed to spend a certain amount on specific things - so x for groceries, y for entertainment, z for clothes etc. The remainder is used for clearing your debts. Unless you agree to this, they will not be able to help you.

AE1982

Hi I have created an AE for this post but wanted to say this. My Dad was in a very similar situation to you in the early nineties. He was an MD of a large company that made redundancies and out of work for 2 years. He was in massive debt (around half a million). My mother would not sacrifice her lifestyle for the sake of the family. We lived in a mansion with a swimming pool but she would not sell as she refused to have less than 6 bedrooms and could not have any neighbours or be overlooked in any way, nor would she get rid of the nanny or do her own cleaning. She did not allow him to go bankrupt or do debt management as it would damage her image and that was all she cared about. She cared only for how the family looked to outsiders not what happened inside which was hell.

We had no food and the house was always freezing. The arguments between them were constant day and night and incredibly violent and abusive. Eventually my Mum basically went crazy and started attacking her children but that too was hidden. TBH if we had neighbours social services would have come and taken us away. As the child I would happily have lived in a council flat if I could have had a Mum and Dad that cared about me even if they were divorced and bankrupt as the situation has damaged the entire family forever. My Dad is 58 and still paying the debt back (yet she spends £2000 a month on clothes and has a brand new Audi every year). They should have got divorced.

In summary if you find the situation starting to look like this leaving is the best thing for your daughter as a happy Daddy is all she will really care about. Don't let money destroy your life and if your wife truely loves you she will make the sacrifices needed.