I've really had enough!- sorry its a long pathetic one.

chloe99_2

klare - can you find an hour alone at home one evening to have a very big loud sobbing cry about all your worries and problems ("I want to have a big cry" as my son says when he's pushed to his limit and needs to let off some steam then cries his little heart out) - then give yourself half an hour to do something just for yourself (buy a magazine and read it in the bath - something like that)?

mrslawrence2003

klare wrote:

Thanks for your post and I really dont want to sound ungrateful because I am truely not... i guess I am looking for someone with a magic wand, but I know that isnt going to happen ... but I can almost guarentee that there wont be a suggestion that comes up that we havent already looked into in a lot of detail .
I reead the forums ( all of them not just DFW ) on an almost daily basis so I know we have got our bills drummed down as low as we can,
The employer / car thing is not an option and it wouldnt do his career any good if they knew what situation it would be and if nothing else theres a chance he may get promoted in the next year or so ...hardley any more money but it will do his self esteem a power of good as its taken a real toll on him all this debt thing.
As for our other options financially, IVA not an option, we only just have enough disposable income for a DMP never mind anything else, and bankcrupty no way! firstly I would rather kill myself, and secondly, we have no equity in the house and having wateched the rent costs in this area for a long time it would cost us pretty much the same as our mortgage to rent, thats if and when we could find a landlord to accept kids and a smoker ( thats my OH and no he cant stop - he has tried everything and i mean EVERYTHING , so has had to resort to buying them as cheaply as he can and trying to make them last) . I have seen him in tears because he feels so guilty about the fact that he still smokes and has failed to give up.

the baby sitting circle ... we live in a very rural area , we know very few people and unfortunately dont get chance to get to know others because we are both always out of work. We have a friend that helps out with childcare during the week, grandparents help the rest of the time. We cant ask anymore of what they are doing or we run the risk of losing what they are already doing.

Im really sorry for sounding so negative Im not normally like this at all, I know people give amazing advice and suggestions on this site and I have been a complete adict for longer than I care to remember but you can only bang your head against a wall before it eventually caves in and I guess mine just went pop. I am fed up of being strong, exsisting rather than living and watching my whole life just pass me by whilst I am too busy trying to scrape together yet another meal from value purchases and kid me and the OH that its not that bad really.
this is not how it was supposed to be.

re smoking - going out on a limb here and feel free to shoot me down in flames - in my (unfortunately considerable) experience if you really want to stop something, you can. perhaps he doesn't really want to stop smoking as it gives him a release that he desperately needs? in which case, perhaps it would be better for you both in terms of the relationship to get it out in the open and accept it. otherwise it is only putting added stress on you (watching him cry can never be good for you) and him and in turn putting further stress on the relationship.

however, at this stage that won't help you very much. i can't offer any money saving suggestions - all i can say is that when you are feeling at your darkest and most desperate all you can do is put your head down and endure. focus on getting through a minute at a time. eventually, you will look up and things don't seem as bad as they did 2 hours ago. then you can start looking for the little bits of hope, start looking for answers to your sitaution. if i have learnt nothing else, it is that no matter how bad things get for you, there is always hope and always a way through.

klare_2

me again.... just wanted to say I am sorry for bringing this mood on here... i know thats part of what it is all about, but it isnt waht I am all about. I am hoping that by tomorow normal service will be resummed, I am just struggling with it right now.


I just find it so hard. I look at the cars driving to work on the same route of me, and some of them, I would only need the amount it cost to pay for a quater of their vehicle and I would be able to have my family back living a life again. It just doesnt seem fair.
And now i feel even worse because I know there are people even worse off than us, but I guess everyone has their own limits and I have reached mine.

and yes blonde, you are right about lincs, i hate living here. It does have one or two pretty places if you happen to be a millionaire but apart from that its a horrible place to live, mind you , having siad that , i think its lucky for everyone else that they dont live near me at the moment. im not a chirpy bunny!
And as for lloyds, if I had a gun.... well lets be grateful that I dont!

poorbutrich

Could you try asking for a car on freecycle?

klare_2

thanks clapton, but bankcrupty is not an option. I dont carehow bad things get, I would not allow that to happen. That may be me being pig headed ( noooo surely not) ... but no way.

elona

Or even a scooter?

Debt_Free_Chick

I know you've been through your SOA with the CCCS, but might it help to post it here? We could help you to find some small savings and you use these simply to help you get by - or for the occasional treat. Goodness knows, you appear to deserve one or two!

klare_2

poorbutrich ... i dont know? what is the likely hood of someone giving us a car that is going to cope with a weekly milage of around 350 miles a week and that is still very economical on petrol / diesel otherwise we dont have the money for the fuel , oh yeah and it has to be reliable .....oh and taxed and MOT'd

actually I think I am going to leave reading anymore posts until tomorow.
I am not a nice person to be around and im not in a very receptive person either. Like I say, I have been addicted to this site for ages and i dont want to p$ss anyone off.

Storm

Hi Klare,

In terms of some support with your children, have you tried contacting Home Start? It's not a babysitting service, but a volunteer support service where someone comes round once a week or so to offer emotional and practical support to families with children under 5, their website is http://www.home-start.org.uk/

Also, if you're in a Sure Start area they may be able to offer some additional help & support - if you're not in Sure Start contact your local council and ask them about Children's Centres (new name for Sure Start, but they will be covering a much wider area). Down here (Portsmouth) the council also have a service that does minor repairs to homes with young children where it could cause an accident (they provide stuff like stair gates, cupboard latches, socket covers etc) it may be worth asking if your council has anything similar.

As for the babysitting - when I was little my mum belonged to a 'Babysitting Circle' which she set up with some other local parents. They all started off with 10 tokens, and when they wanted a sitter would phone around to see who could do it (at an agreed rate per hour) - this meant that there wasn't huge pressure to say yes to a friend if you were busy, but ensured that everyone took their turn.:D

With the car issue - as it would mean your OH not being able to work I would hope that your creditors allow some money for this as otherwise they're likely to get zip! It probably is worth your OH talking to his work about if they can help at all - recruitment costs in terms of advertising plus staff time for interviews etc are astronomical, so it makes sense for the company to try and keep their staff I'm sure I've seen figures for cost of recruitment around somewhere, will go have a look...

Storm

mrslawrence2003

CLAPTON wrote:

with a DFD 21 years away, then bankryptcy seems worth exploring. Have you sought advice about this. if you have no equity (or very little ) then you probably wont lose your house as there would be no point in a forced sale as there would be nothing to distribute to your creditors. without full details of your SoA and details about house /mortgage its not really possible to say. but it seems better and another 21 years of your current situation.

re negative equity - someone else here is also in that situation where they owe more than their house is worth and so can go bankrupt and won't lose their house...