I've really had enough!- sorry its a long pathetic one.

klare_2

Sorry everyone this is a groan / crying/ tantrum post ... purely posted for selfish reasons ... but I know others use this as an outlet....

I really have had enough.
We , me and OH, are 18 months down the line since we first went with CCCS and thanks to Lloyds TSB we are more in debt than we were thanks to them never receiving a number of the SOA sent by CCCS , taking months to finally pass it onto the relevent departments who were in a position to freeze the accounts, stop charges / interest etc. and We recently had our review and so its all begun again because when they did act, it was only for a year so once the year was up, the lovely Lloyds computer simply whacked a pile of interest on it again and has managed to wipe out all the work we did achieve with them in one foul swoop.
The CCCS have been great and have phoned them and they are now looking into whether they can do anything to get that interest etc removed but I have simply reached the end of my tether. I have had enough.
We are never going to get out of this mess.
although we can feed the kids etc because of the SOA that is it. We have to make their clothes last until they have holes in them, I never get anything new, we never go out. My life is horrible. and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I am so tired from pretending that everything is OK to others, or at least not letting onto anyone that my life has basically collapsed around me. I just dont want to do this anymore. All me and the OH do is fight because there is nothing that brings any joy into our lives. ( and yes we have been to relate.. they also said its because of the horrid situation you are in)
I know what people will say, .. are you depressed - well no Im not and I have had that checked out, they have confirmed that I am just living in a horrible situation and also having usffered from it in the past I am well aware of what symptoms are etc.
I know people will say that the children should bring joy into our lives and to a degree they do but they are at the age where they are very destructive ( two toddler boys) and we basically have a broken house, because everything they wreck we cant afford to replace or fix,
We are all knackered - we both work full time and havent had a break or a holiday in years - and its not an option. We have no one to babysit that doesnt want paying and as for a holiday ... not in a million years.

and now, to top it all off, my OH car is on the way out, we cant afford to repair it or fix it. His work is 30 miles away and there is NO public transport no anyone available to carshare with. And where we live there is no employment so he has to have a car.
What the heck are we supposed to do. - When it finally dies, he wont be able to get to work to earn the money we need to get us out of this mess. On top of that he adores his work and it is the only thing that is retaining some of his sanity as is my work.
I didnt think it was possible to feel so trapped and in despair.

I know this is going to sound horrible but please dont anyone post after this with hugs, sympathy etc. Because it doesnt make me feel any better, it doesnt make my situation change,
I just need to accept that this is my lot... the only trouble is, I cant.
If I didnt have the children i would simply run away.

Sorry for bringing the mood down.

kathfisch

Klare I know you don't want sympathy but I want you to know I'm thinking of you in this horrible situation.

Kath x

moozie_2

OK, no hugs, no sympathy then. It seems to me you need to decide if what you are going through is really worth it. I don't know what your personal circumstances are but I can see your DMP is for a long time. Can you cope with that? If not, maybe there are other solutions

I don't know what else to say except, I am glad you are not depressed because you have a lot on your plate with two young boys plus everything else. Hope your situation changes for the better soon.

pania

Hi Klare.

Ok so you don't want sympathy hon, but i really am genuinely sorry to hear of your situation. I know everything sounds awful and despairing but there are ways to atleast make a small headway forward. SIlly little things like maybe setting up a babysitting circle with other parents from a local toddler group.
Do your immediate relatives know what is occuring in your life? I think you would be amazed the support you would get, even down to looking after the kids for an hour so you and the OH can take a walk in the park etc.
Will your mortgage/rental company allow you to take a payment holiday?
If your husband explained the car situation to his work would they possibly assist in putting it right as without the car they loose an employee?
Perhaps at the moment you need to allow us here on the boards to make some suggestions that you may not have thought of, just as you are so think in the forest you can't see the path ahead of you.
Give it a go hon, many of us have been/are in the same situation as you are and you'll be amazed of the suggestions that come out.
Best regards
P
xx

all_hours

Klare sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time.

The DMP you set up with CCCS - didn't that allow an amount for clothes, socialising and emergencies? Perhaps you could get them to review your SOA and reduce the payment slightly.

Would you like to post your SOA on here again and see if anyone can suggest any more savings you could make?

Snaggles

Right, no hugs then - just some possible suggestions if that's okay? (You have probably looked into these already so I apologise if I am going over old ground).

Babysitting - Could you offer to babysit for friends kids free of charge so that they can have a night out? And then get them to do the same for you in return? If this is not an option, are your children still under the Health Visitor (I think they are until age 5 if I remember rightly) - if so, they are a good source of support and information - there might be some sort of volunteer service in your area.

DO NOT be made to feel guilty by people who tell you that your children should be your source of joy. The simple fact is that looking after a young child is hard.....really bl00dy hard. And looking after two toddler boys must just be exhausting, no matter how much you love them.

I have never dealt with the CCCS, but are they able to help with advice regarding your OHs car? Because surely it would be better to try and find room in your budget for the car repairs, rather than him losing his job. I'm sorry if this isn't something they would be able to advise about.

How would you feel about posting your SOA - there may be areas where small savings could be made (I appreciate it's probably pretty much right down to the bare bones already) - I'm just thinking if you could save even £5 per month, you might be able to have a Sun Holiday (£9.50 per person) just to give you a few days break. (We did this, and had 4 days in Wales for next to nothing. Even if you choose a site that has kids entertainment (which you would probably need to make sure you got a proper break) you would pay around £80 for 4 people, and you don't really need any spending money, because the swimming pool/play area will be included in the price (and food/drinks car just come out of your normal food budget - you can self cater rather than eating in their food places).

If you were closer, I would offer to babysit for you to give you a break, I understand that you don't want hugs or sympathy, but there was such feeling in your post that I couldn't help being moved.

What ages are your boys? My son grows out of trousers/jeans so quickly that I'm always taking them to the charity shop - if any of them are any good to you, I would be happy to send them (he's 5 though so they might be too big at the moment if yours are only toddlers).

Lastly, have you had a look at the old style boards for ideas - there are people on there feeding families on tiny food budgets, who might be able to give you ideas for savings you could make.

I wish you all the very best, and I apologise if you feel I am poking my nose in, or offering useless advice.

Love Snaggles xx

klare_2

Thanks for your post and I really dont want to sound ungrateful because I am truely not... i guess I am looking for someone with a magic wand, but I know that isnt going to happen ... but I can almost guarentee that there wont be a suggestion that comes up that we havent already looked into in a lot of detail .
I reead the forums ( all of them not just DFW ) on an almost daily basis so I know we have got our bills drummed down as low as we can,
The employer / car thing is not an option and it wouldnt do his career any good if they knew what situation it would be and if nothing else theres a chance he may get promoted in the next year or so ...hardley any more money but it will do his self esteem a power of good as its taken a real toll on him all this debt thing.
As for our other options financially, IVA not an option, we only just have enough disposable income for a DMP never mind anything else, and bankcrupty no way! firstly I would rather kill myself, and secondly, we have no equity in the house and having wateched the rent costs in this area for a long time it would cost us pretty much the same as our mortgage to rent, thats if and when we could find a landlord to accept kids and a smoker ( thats my OH and no he cant stop - he has tried everything and i mean EVERYTHING , so has had to resort to buying them as cheaply as he can and trying to make them last) . I have seen him in tears because he feels so guilty about the fact that he still smokes and has failed to give up.

the baby sitting circle ... we live in a very rural area , we know very few people and unfortunately dont get chance to get to know others because we are both always out of work. We have a friend that helps out with childcare during the week, grandparents help the rest of the time. We cant ask anymore of what they are doing or we run the risk of losing what they are already doing.

Im really sorry for sounding so negative Im not normally like this at all, I know people give amazing advice and suggestions on this site and I have been a complete adict for longer than I care to remember but you can only bang your head against a wall before it eventually caves in and I guess mine just went pop. I am fed up of being strong, exsisting rather than living and watching my whole life just pass me by whilst I am too busy trying to scrape together yet another meal from value purchases and kid me and the OH that its not that bad really.
this is not how it was supposed to be.

Broken_hearted

Well I will give you a hug anyway for my benefit not yours. If someone is unhappy it makes me feel better. So be happy now I feel better:A

all_hours

How old are the boys? What about sending their photos off to a child modelling agency?

BlondeHeadOn

I see you live in Lincs, that's a ba$tard place to live for public transport and work etc. isn't it - I used to live there and it's the pits if you don't have a car. Also Lloyds TSB are total gits too - I hate them.

I know this is no help at all! but hang on in there

CLAPTON

with a DFD 21 years away, then bankryptcy seems worth exploring. Have you sought advice about this. if you have no equity (or very little ) then you probably wont lose your house as there would be no point in a forced sale as there would be nothing to distribute to your creditors. without full details of your SoA and details about house /mortgage its not really possible to say. but it seems better and another 21 years of your current situation.