Hubby leaving feel so lost please help me, feel alone

denton6

welldone to you on going to work and paying your rent, all positives steps you are taking. you are not going mad im sure i saw the posts on this thread about loyalty.keep strong you are doing brill.

Bonny1

wow... what a guy ?!?

How have you lasted this long?

stay strong Honey, there are some very experienced and wise people on here... trust them, and their advise..

good luck

Bonny

tracytaxi

Moning all, hubby in bed, I am not working today ,as car back to garage at 8 and little boy hospital at 1130 for his check up after his op.

Cant understand why I felt so positive yesterday and so miserable this morning, not taking my prozac as cant find it !!! Think hubby hid it in case I overdosed.Hubbys dad aged 84 back today so wont see much of hubby.

The council web site had just 1 property suitable for him to bid on,not that he was bidding as he is in bed, it was me, but the early bids get better chance. Its no good him saying he does not want to be here and then staying forever, although there is a bit of help for me by staying little bit longer get some bills paid off before tax credits suspended whilst claim changes from joint to single.And also to baby sit kids whilst stilll home from school so I can work.

But it cant go on for ever, as its hurting me.i feel so strange when I see my husband sat in the chair as he looks the same but inside he is not as he does not want me, but then judging from what he said he was only pretending to want me any way. Hopefully car will get fixed it cost £150 last week and came back the same !!!!

Eager_Elephant

Hi Tracy

I reported the post about your loyalty as I thought it was very inappropriate - hope you didn't mind.

I don't think you have done anything that was disloyal, in fact I think you have been more loyal than you needed to be.

Hope you managed to find your medication as you must take it every day.

EE

tracytaxi

Hi Eagar elephant, at least that solves the mystery , i thought I was going mad!!!! As I swear it was there, and then it wasn't.

Today is a bad day, good I put the forms in for my mutual exchange, good I sorted out some money things, and good ds (age 10_ ) got on ok at hospital.

Bad day emotional wise, hubby dad came back on train and I got a phone call from hubby asking me to pick him and his 84 year old dad up , which I did for his dads sake, dropped them at his dads and then dismissed.

Hubby home now, his dad said to me have you persuaded hinm to stay , I said no, and his dad was upset, so I told hubby and he told me it was emotional black mail to tell him what his dad said , I did not give that athought.Then husband decided to tell me I stress him out and he stormed off upstairs. Bought kidsa macdonalds and got told I messed it up , wrong drinks, not even a thank you. Phoned my mum up , does not want to see me. No friends called , one friend cancelled our lunch tomorrow by text. Feel like a leper, feel so bloody alone and useless, not sure if I want to be here any more as its apparant that I cant do ANYTHING right anywhere, could not really afford macdonalds but thought they deserved a treat.

Parents apart coming tomorrow to counsel us but he wont be here . cant understand how some one (hubby) who you have always been there fro can treat me with such disdain?? Like i am the cause of all his problems it hurts me so much, write more later I think ,

Eager_Elephant

Hi Tracy

It might make life easier for you if you only talk about the essentials with your husband. He is turning everything around to make you look bad. He has made up his mind and is unlikely to change it. If you keep any talk to the bare minimum no one can be upset by what has/hasn't been said.

Why did you mum say you couldn't see her? Is she busy? Does she have a prior outing?

I am sure your friend sent you the text in case you were driving or something, I agree that it was a bit inconsiderate. What reason did she use for cancelling? Maybe she has debt and can't afford it but can't tell you.

Children are never grateful for anything their parents do are they so don't stress about them.

So you are having marriage counsellng but your husband doesn't want it? I think it would be beneficial for you to talk to someone about the issues, hopefully they will reiterate that none of this is your fault.

((Tracy))

Please keep posting, we need to know you are ok.

EE

tracytaxi

Hi , parents apart is mediation service to make sure you parent together even though you are apart.Its not exactly marriage counselling, but whatever hubby says I should get on with my life.

My friend cancelled as I believe she is meeting her other friend, I saw her in Morrisons.

If I dont talk to hubby he says I am always miserable, I cant win!!!! And my mum has ALWAYS been like this , she never told me she loves me to the day my dad died 6 years ago,mum says she cant cope with problems they make her ill, eventually she will be there for m e but will make me feel like I am the worlds worse daughter first, its just how she is, and forget hugs she dont do hugs.

time for bed now I think, dd (14) the daughter with autism has hospital tomorrow, so off work again,found my tablets , guess I will take 1. Hoping to feel better tomorrow.Insurance dragging it feet still,so fed up of sorting problems.night all

tracytaxi

Well what a night, it suddenly hit me yesterday evening why I feel so low, apart from the marriage ending.Please dont laugh but its about fitting in being the odd one out.

Iam a only child , during the school holidays I spent alot of time alone as the neighbours children used to go to Butlins. So I used to read or watch tv.mum was always to busy cleaning and dad bless his soul was always working.At school I was the kid in the play ground, the hanger on , even at primary school I used to spend lunch times wondering around on my own.I was always the last person picked for teams by my peers in pe and stuff.

When I got older and married I never felt accepted by any of my husbands family, I remember a bbq at my ex mother in laws and someone asked my sister in law why she did not talk to me, it was i was informes cos I am boring,

At work my nick name is ting tong, I dont consider myself butch or anything I am a size 18 to 20 , curvy, plain but not butch (google ting tong), I dont like it!! At work after working hard a few months ago my taxi controller for personal reasons called me in front of everyone a waste of space and if I dont like it F off, I did not go to manangement as that would bring more attention and derision to me.I avoid the office now, sitting in car on my own most of the day, the sniggers are not worth it, I am friendly I buy everyone coffee, I used to run errand s for that controller getting lunch and stuff, feel stabbed in back really, a driver told my sons mother in law that everyone at work cant stand me (my son thought it helpful to tell me)!!!

And now my marriage, a place I thought I was accepted and belonged and now I no longer qua;ify, rejected and not belong again. My mum says when she was pregnant with me she had to take tablets to keep me in her tummy and she often wonders if they effected me ?? !!

I asm normal I think sensitive, and if its going to happen it happens to me, people say I am strong but I dont feel it I am sick of tired with everyone saying its only Tracy she will cope, well Tracy is not coping but no one listens. got to go ds (10) back to school got to get him ready

Eager_Elephant

Hi Tracy

I am sorry that you have been feeling like this.

Do you think that as you have been lonely for so long you have now got a front which comes across as you being able to manage and also may come across as a bit harsh when you speak to people - this being a defence mechanism. Or maybe all the stress you have been under makes you snap at people unintentionally and you don't even realise you are doing it which can also put people off.

I can't understand why your colleagues don't like you when you have done nothing wrong.

I am a bit similar in that I am like Marmite, you either love me or hate me. I can be a bit overpowering sometimes and people don't like that. I am trying harder to be better at this.

I think you would benefit from some counselling, years of being lonely have led to low self-esteem and you need to see a way through this so it doesn't matter if you have a partner or not.

Maybe when you are happy with yourself this will give off an aura to people, maybe when you eventually cut down your hours you could look at joining a course or club to see if you could meet like minded people.

Hope today is a better day.

EE

P.S I am not a counsellor or anything like that, it is just how I see it so by all means take no notice of me!!

tracytaxi

Hi no I dont think I snap at people or come across harsh, in fact I get told the opposite that I am too soft and caring with people!! I ask for help but tend to get ignored. I am aways honest with people and have tried to retain good sense of humour , in fact apart from the kids lol, I rarely snap at any one as I dont like it when it is done to me.

I try to bubbly and most of the time I think I am happy enough to be with, I always try to cheer others and sort out their problems as it is easier to sort than my own.

lLfe seems to be a game of bluff, not many people see my sadness as I have found it burdens people.maybe I do come across as a front that I manage, but no I am not harsh , I actually need to toughen up as I am always taken for a mug !!! I need to say I WANTTO DO THIS IF YOU DONT LIKE IT TOUGH BECAUSE I AM ME , but I am not good at that.I thjink my real friends if I have any know deep down I am hurting.

Parents apart coming in a minute or so, will let you know how that goes.I think in addition to getting over my marraige I also need to get over the lonliness , and feeling like an outsider, but I am not sure how. My colleagues might not like me as I am over weight and a bit of a soft target, who knows ??? better go and get ready for parents apart (thank you)