Hubby leaving feel so lost please help me, feel alone

tracytaxi

Hi I have been with my husband for 13 years, married for 6, not been trouble free as husband has left me 4 times in that time, not normally for any one else but cant take stress of family life.
We have 3 children at home our boy 10 and my girls who husband loves 14 and 16. The 14 year old is on the autistic spectrum but is not too bad.
He left me december 2008 after starting a affair in the early nov 2008 with an old friend, this was not a good thing as she had a boy friend too, and did not wnat my hubby to spend too much time with me or kids, however hubby was not owrking due to disability and I was so he babysat.The affair ended after she her family and boyfriend harrassed me,and kids,hubby trie dto kill himself and I had him back.
We said we would do things differently and have fun and family time and we di and we went relate , it was good from july to xmas last year then we had a little wobble , just a few down days but we were then fine till march this year.
when in march this year an ex girlfriend of his made contact to his daughter on facebook and passed her details to him on our wedding anniversary.
he told me and I said I dont think its a good idea as he had previously described her as love of his life, but he reassured me all was ok .

The emails carried on and some from her to me where I picked up her marriage was not good , I said hubby to stop but he carried on , cut a long story short after telling me at 0930 he loves me he told me at 1230 he was going off with her!!!!! I walked out eventually at 6pm hubby got hold of me and told me she was joking, and we said we woudl stay and sort things out.And thats what I thought he ended all contact with her, and has

.but something was not right , he then told me he did not love me proper and does not want to be married to me any more . He said he should of never came back in 2009.During our life he has often loved me one minute and not the next .I do not know where I am the children know he is going as soon as they go back to school, the whole family know.
I dont want it to end even though if he is not committed to marriage it might be right, i feel lost and scared.
I am meant to be working self employed taxi driver dont earn much as carer to daughter, taxi is leased but its only car
.Cant concentrate dont know what way to turn re money , emotions , kids, trying to make sense tried talking to my mum but she does not want stress. I found out what money i can get but tax credits will stop while claim changes over , which is worrying as it is my main income.
cant stop crying and feeling sick cant understand why he would do this again. I feel worthless, I love him so if I did not it would be easier,the children are upset, too, I just feel so used and discarded, dont know if any of my memories of last year are true.
dont feel up to working 50 hours and looking after kids, too, but if dont work no car, just feel old washed up and lost, when we met I was 27 ,young ad hopeful now 40 and agranny and scared .please help , just feel so useless:A

tracytaxi

forgot to say that I am a only child, and I have contacted all advice agencies, just seems so hard to find a way through it, I feel like I am losing everything, my husband , my family life , all of it .

chika

Hugs to you, that sounds rough.

You need to just cut all ties and walk away. I know its a cliche but you really would be better off without this man. Its obvious just from reading your posts that he has undermined your confidence by his shocking behaviour.

You need to believe in yourself a bit more - you can do this. The people on here are lovely and will offer help and support. I'm sorry I can't say more but didn't want to read and run. Best of luck to you. xx

MrsE_2

This man is not worth your tears or heartache.

If a man makes you cry he's not worth your tears.

I could have been reading about my first husband (serial cheat). Men like that never change. He will only stop when he's too old to chase skirt & no one else wants him.

Why should you settle for that.

I remarried to a handsome man who could easily "chase skirt" if he was that way inclined.
Thankfully not all men have the morals of a tom cat.

You are not old, you can easily find happiness. Don't settle for a cheat next time though;)

xmaslolly76

Tracy you need to get rid of him for good, He doesnt love you and never will you are comforatble and secure until a better offer comes along then he is off like a shot do you really want to spend your life being second best!

You can and will get through this and you will be a much stronger person for doing so x

tracytaxi

thank you, all to be honest out of the entire 4 times he has left, only once was it for another woman, which was 2008, to be honest he has been a house husband so he does not meet women, it always tends to be some one from the past,although he is leaving this time the thing with the emails to an ex has finished but he said it made him question his commitment to me if he could decide to leave to be with another woman and her kids, whom he only dated for for 5 weeks ad had not seen for 15 years.
As it was it was a ruse to make her husband jealous and she came clean before he left me,the main issue is why I am not loveable he says I am hard to love, he told the woman in 2008 I was a bad wife and mum, I have tried really hard,I work 40 to 50 hours, cook ,clean (he does too), do his dads shopping, see to kids, pay bills, try and help people, try to be loving an daffectinate (which he hates) (molly coddling equals cuddles).This is my third failed marriage, first one we were too young, but friends and have a 20 year old son.Second one was violent, and used prostitutes and said I never had proper hair as its curly .We have 2 daughters, he hates me.But I have never bad moutheed him .
My curren t husband is 48 inexperienced in relationships,has epilepsy so has not worked for 13 years, I have tried so hard,what am I doing wrong??? I love him yet he doe snot love me like a wife, he wants to go no question of it but I feel I have failed, and I am scared.
Tax credits will stop,whilst claim goes through to single, without tax credits I have £150 per week to pay all the bills, food and transport costs,I have 3 children at home one disabled.So I am worrying about money, I am meant to be self employed taxi driver but my overheads alone are £400 a week which is 40 hours , so need to do £50 to earn £60, mentally na d physically feeling drained dont know if I can carry on, but guy I lease car from could take me court, and hard to manage here without car. Just so much going on in my head , feels like my head just going to explode,and then the hurt, just wish my dad was stil alive to give me a hug.sorry to go on

xmaslolly76

Tracy get your self on the debt free wannabe board with your SOA they will find ways for you to get through financially until all your tax credits and things are in place. Remember the most important thing is to keep a roof over your heads and food in your bellies the rest can wait a few weeks if needs be.

13yrs of marriage is no failure in my eyes you have put everything you can into this relationship to make it work at some point you have to stop and say enough is enough i love myself to much to allow this to continue.

As for the type of men you have ended up with it sounds like they were all needy or controlling types in one way or another. Spend sometime on your own get to know you again get your confidence up and you will attract like minded people :-) x

98sidney

you are not at fault he is. you have done more then enough to try and keep your marriage..

Like a poster said post on the soa thread and you will recieve help there.



Best revenge you can do now is to hold your head up high and get on with things without him, they hate the fact you can survive wthout them..

And instaed of thinking of all the things he may have done for you,remember all the times he wasnt there for you,and think of all the niggling annoying things the new woman is going to get, that you all ready know about but she doesnt..

Let him go you deserve much better.

denton6

just wanted to send you abig hug, kind of no how you are deeling at the moment. tax credits didnt stop for me when i rang and put in the single claim, so it could be you dont have to do without them for long, sorry wish i could help you more. x

kizzykizzywizzy

My God you are not old!!! I'm 40 too & a single mum after ex left me 2 years ago ( another cheat )
You sound as though you have been completely down-trodden & made to feel worthless by this "Man" I use the term loosely:o
I understand it might be scary to start all over again, but to me he sounds like a millstone around your neck dragging you down, you sound like a hard worker & I know it will be difficult, but you will have 1 less mouth to feed & you will get single allowance on your council tax for starters.
I suppose without him working you won't get any financial help from him, but surely he'll be able to help look after the kids from time to time to give you a break.
Let him go, he's just not worth it, if he truly loved you he wouldn't have done/said any of the things he has

Meant to say big hugs you are going through crap i'm sure, but it will only be for a while, if you stay with him it will ALWAYS be crap

tracytaxi

thank you all he is not with any woman though. I have phoned tax credits and been on the forum, so I know it will stop the lady who posted on my thread waited 6 weeks!! Will go on the debt thread,
you are all so right but just feel so low its hard to pick up.Yes he will help baby sit so I can work, IF i feel up to it.But I wont be going out out not been out out in 5 years, as have no one to go out with, apart from watching football at Plymouth Argyle with daughters. Feel so alone , and I am not feeling sorry for myself just how it is thats all