Hubby leaving feel so lost please help me, feel alone

Eager_Elephant

Hi Tracy

If I am not mistaken you are working for nothing as you need £400 per week before you can draw a wage.

I have known through my work a few taxi drivers who are struggling and once they write down what they earn and the outgoings before they draw a wage it is shocking to see they have been working such long hours for nothing.

If your ex leaves could you claim ESA for a little while as you certainly seem unfit to work (but I am not a doctor), then you could also get rent paid (up to a certan level if private renting),council tax and would get child tax credit but not working tax credit.

If you need any help with any of this let me know, or if you want to bounce ideas off give me a shout.

EE

Eager_Elephant

Sorry just wanted to add that once your husband leaves you might be entitled to Housing & Council Tax Benefit anyway as you are on a low income and having a disabled daughter gives you extra premiums in the calculation.

How will you manage to work when your husband leaves? Who will look after the 14 year old?

EE

tracytaxi

Hi eager elephant, I get housing benefit and council tax now, carers allowance and tax credits. When husband leave I will still get that, once I am over the 3 weeks change over from joint claim to single claim I wont be worse off financially.
The 14 year old goes to school I also have a 10 year old at school and a 16 year old. I am hoping my ex husband will keep his promise to help out!!!
Yes I am working for nothing as these days I cant manage more than about 40 hours , I used to do 65 and a earn a small amount, I am allowed to earn up to £92 whilst on carers allowance but NEVER do, housing benefit assess me as earning £65 but I never do ,
But it pretty much does not matter as I get full housing benefit as my income from all sources is less than my income support appilcable amount even with hubby (he is disabled too)
The problem I will have is my 14 year old wont catch buses , with her autism its all the change of passengers, so without the car I am going to struggle to get her around, shopping etc.
So really I am only working to pay the car lease,also car lease ends july nexyt year if I give back to car I will end up in court.
She gets lower mobility not higher so cant get a car on motability, and there is not enough money over to save enough for a car quick enough, and I cant get credit, have no credit cards no over draft and no one to ask. I was hoping I might get some money for whiplash for my accident but it might take a long while as I dont see their dr till 25th sept.

Thats the practiCAL side emotionally I am a wreck, spoke with hubby last night to ask him WHY,why he is leaving me,
He said that I ask my my mums help and advice to often , and she dont want to know, he said because I dont stand up to my ex husband (who was violent and emotinallly abusive to me) that I have too many mobiles, I did take out an extra one for my 14 year old in case she has aproblem, but I pay it, he also hates it when I upgrade

.Also life with me is too chaotic, things always go wrong, car accidents , illness, kids,toilets leaking, letters in post gone missing , awkward insurance claims, cant make up my mind what job to do, I stopped taxi driving went on buses but left after a crash on a non gritted road, so i am fighting two accidents, (neither my fault) after the bus accident they paid me no sick pay so I went taxi driving 65 hours a week so we could live,(had my own older car then when I was on buses, was a taxi driver previously)). All these things just make HIM stressed and he could not handle it.Ands needs to leave to live his life.

Which I have now concluded means it does not matter I sorted it all and also found things hard to cope and he was never there for me,and now I am in chaos again but I did not choose what he is doing, I cant help the tax credits suspending, but it never matters if I cnat cope , because apparantely I always do. But I am not coping but no one cares or listens, oh well smile on off to work, sorry for going on , feel very low, forgot to say hubby angry that I am taking prozac he says I should not take it ,drs dish it out too easy.

toniq

tracy just think of the place and position u want to be in, keep that goal in mind, I know 3 weeks of less smoney is worrying u like mad, but try and see it as a challenge, u will get through it, u will be stronger for it,

It might not be as long as u think.

You have had such a rough ride over the years that things just have to get better, draw on that strength that u have inside of u and keep ploughing on, u seem to have contacted all relevant agencies so the ball is rolling.

It does seem like u will have to make alot of changes but u will get through it, don't worry about what everyone else thinks of u, that doesn't matter, u know u r doing the right things by u and ur kids so sod them, u want and need to be in a better place mentally and financially, try and deal with 1 thing at a timso u don't seem so overwhelmed xxxx

Eager_Elephant

Hi Tracy

I can see at the moment that the best option in terms of the car is for you to keep working. Once you have saved enough money then maybe you could hand the car back and buy one of your own. I don't understand why you would end up in court, does it matter if you get a CCJ as your bankruptcy will already be on file.

I know I have only heard your side of the story but it seems to me that your husband is not very supportive of you and actually you will be better off without him.

He seems like a petulant child, things in life happen but it is not your fault they are happening to you. Does it matter that you have upgraded your phone? Does it matter that you got your daughter a phone?

Do you have a joint bank account or do you have seperate money?

I wonder why he needs to leave you to lead a less stressful life? Surely it is easier to sort a crisis/problem if there are two people to talk it through. When he is living on his own how we he cope with a problem?

I might have missed this but why can your husband not work? Does he have depression/anxiety?

I think it is a good job that the doctor has given you anti-depressants as you have a lot going on at the moment which you are struggling to cope with and you obviously need them. I can't believe your husband says you should not take them - does he not want you to get better?

((tracy))) I wish I lived closer and I could give you support.

EE

tracytaxi

Hi all and eager elephant. Husband has epilepsy so has not worked for 13 years, fits not well controlled, lost count of times I have looked after him, we have separate banka accounts but he leaves me to run both!!
I generally pay it all from both if he wants something he has it, also I think he get pocket money from his 84 year old dad, as I cant explain where else he gets the extra from,my bankruptcy is discharged , wont go court if keep car to end of july next year when lease ends, but he could take me now, that said I have not signed the contract yet as the guy trusts me, so dont really want to let him down.

Yes things happen in life and yes I get bad luck,hubby will live with his dad to start with for 3 weeks or so an dthen attemp to get council flat, he thinks he wont have stress in his life then, ( oh yes he will, furnishing carpeting flat with no money , crisis loan , housing ben, possible rough area, etc etc), and if he intends to see the kids so over night just for him they wont have problems.

After everything said last night I feel so low and I keep thinking its now my fault he is leaving and upsetting kids, I dont know what I could do different. People say more fish in sea , do I now come with a warning attached that I am jinx or whatever.

So here another evening in the house where I am not welcome, did work 10 hours today !!! eLdest daughter hostile towards me tonight too, she cant help it with her real dad sticking boot into me , and her step dad, i annoy her. cant write any more for a bit , just feel like climbing in abox or hole and not coming out can i hibernate lol x

julliff

Hi tracytaxi

Sorry you are feeling low. I can't believe the reasons your OH gave for wanting to split. I don't mean to be awful, but they made me laugh out loud - they are unbelievable.

Has your OH ever lived on his own? He sounds like someone who does not appreciate that life is like that, and so I thought maybe he has always had someone to shield him from the realities of life (e.g a broken toilet).

Just a thought!

I know exactly what you mean about hostile DD1! It is so har to deal with when you are emotionally brittle anyway. ((())) Hugs to you!

Best wishes at this most difficult time.

J

tracytaxi

well here I am for another day they are all in bed really angry that I have gone so low again,I think thta fact that husband is leaving because of me,
and the list he gave me above in previous post that i have reposted here, WHY,why he is leaving me,
He said that I ask my my mums help and advice to often , and she dont want to know, he said because I dont stand up to my ex husband (who was violent and emotinallly abusive to me) that I have too many mobiles, I did take out an extra one for my 14 year old in case she has aproblem, but I pay it, he also hates it when I upgrade

.Also life with me is too chaotic, things always go wrong, car accidents , illness, kids,toilets leaking, letters in post gone missing , awkward insurance claims, cant make up my mind what job to do, I stopped taxi driving went on buses but left after a crash on a non gritted road, so i am fighting two accidents, (neither my fault) after the bus accident they paid me no sick pay so I went taxi driving 65 hours a week so we could live,(had my own older car then when I was on buses, was a taxi driver previously)). All these things just make HIM stressed and he could not handle it.Ands needs to leave to live his life.

maybe I am being silly
i just feel a total waste of space, if he s leaving as he says because of all that then its ME who has destroyed our family for the kids , I ahve to go I dont feel like typing any more I am worried about my head it is SO negative,I feel so alone and bad

grey_lady

Tracey, you sound pretty depressed and it's really hard to see things clearly when your depressed, is there any chance you could get your gp to arrange counselling to help you through this tough time?

Your husband is not leaving because of you, that's his excuse to help him feel better about himself, he,s leaving because of him, he thinks that the grass is greener. But in real life, toilets do break, insurance claims are always difficult because the companies never want to pay out if they can possibly help it, teenagers are awkward and give their parents grief and most people have financial stress, that is just life and if he can't deal with it then that's his problem and quite frankly he's not much of a husband if he blames you for the stress of everyday life whilst leaving u to fix everything.

Do u think that eventually u might come to think that ur better off without him?

tracytaxi

Hi , I have been gp 8 to 10 weeks wait for counselling, GP gave me prozac, hubby not approve said any excuse to take a tablet. I hear what you say but the kids wont see it that way, mum normally get the blame for everything.
I have no idea if I will be better off emotionally in long run without him , thta seems a far away place, you see I really dont know if he knows or means what he is saying , I think he is depressed, but I am no dr,most normal people in the world have some stress dont they ???I feel so weak and dispirited just running on empty, meant to be working this morning dont know if I will get in, I will tell myself I can work 5 hours extra wed or tuesday to make it up, but will I ????? Just cant understand how I have got here to this place and state all since 1st august , it does not make sense , I just need a hug and some one to tell me I will be ok , as right now I dont feel it, sadly my dad is dead so that wont happen