Lending money to husband

Mrs_justjohn

I have not been hostile or negative to the OP in anyway. Although the whole concept of 'separate' finances within a marriage is alien to me. However I do acknowledge that not everyone has the same opinions or views and clearly keeping 'separate' finances within the marriage is what 'works' for the OP. Good luck to her - I think the only time things like this cause a problem within realtionships is when both parties do not agree and do have different views. In this case it seems to be what the OP and her OH want.

Personally I could not enter into a marriage where finances (along with everything else) were not shared. After all it does state in the marriage vows "All that I am I give to you, All that I have I share with you" What's the point in saying those words if you do not mean them even at the point of saying them? Anyway that isn't what this thread was about...so I will now leave

Brighton_belle

and OP - that is to me how it always came across.
At a bit of a loss to understand some of the replies.

Errata

Head Girl - I think your solution to your OH's debt problem is very sensible not least because it allows him some dignity.
However, I would suggest that you fully understand exactly how your OH came out of his marriage with no assets whatsoever and a mountain of debt.

robpw2

Head_Girl wrote: »

Ok, lets put the record straight. This is tens of thousands of pounds, not a small amount I would hope you would agree.

I had a joint account with my ex husband all of our married life and everything we both earnt was put into it. I will not go into the details of why our marriage didn't last, but we came to an amicable agreement with regards to my divorce settlement, which included money, properties and investments.

I have never been in debt (except for a mortgage) and would never want to be. I would not wish that on any member of my family and would do the same for them, if necessary.

When I married my second husband I suggested getting a joint account, but he was reticent to do so because of his financial situation and he wanted to sort that out first. It is my intention that when this situation is sorted, that is what we will do. He was paying back the money to the cc companies that he and his ex wife owed. This was never in question. Therefore, why should he not do the same to me but at a significantly lower cost and saving himself a lot of worry into the bargain? Are some of you suggesting that I write it off or chalk it up to experience? I can't believe that. As previously mentioned, I feel that my second husband is embarrassed about the differences in our financial situations and sees paying me back as "setting the record straight" and not feeling a "kept man."

The money will be for our future together, there is no dispute there and I intend for it to be forever.

if what you say here is true then i suggest that trying to force a "legally binding" promise of payment on him could affect your relationship
Money is one thing that causes enought trouble between couples and it may all be done in perfect harmony now but what if he gets ill , made redudant etc .
if you intend to be together forever then it would also negate the need for such a contract
its your relationship and its not for me to judge what you do im just offering advice - some you will like others you will not but i think this discussion should have come before you lent him the money as now as i have said previously that if he chooses not to sign anything or agree to any thing you want him to (i know he might be willing to now) then what would you intend to do ?

justjohn

RadoJo wrote: »

I'm astonished at the negativity towards the OP here and the judgements made about her relationship. Had someone posted on here that they had lent their partner a lot of money to pay off debts and the relationship had broken down, I bet there would be people saying how she should have formalised things from the beginning. QUOTE]

50 pound is alot to some people(it was to me at one time)
10,000 is alot to others depends.

Yes i have been married to a spend freak/debt ridden partner. Relationship did break up because of it.(partly)

Would not get a contract myself signed. But with such a negative outlook on vows/promises or doing right why get married?

I try to understand the views expressed. And even question my own views and understanding of various aspects of my own life.

justjohn

Head_Girl wrote: »

Ok, lets put the record straight. This is tens of thousands of pounds, not a small amount I would hope you would agree.

Are some of you suggesting that I write it off or chalk it up to experience? I can't believe that. .

Well i would...But you are not me. And each to there own.

As for your husband being unwilling to except clearing the debt for him.

I had the same sittuation with my ex-wife and i cleared the debt.Ex-wife refused to take the money but i forced the issue. Looking back i would still take the same attitude.

My current partner has put 150,000 extra in the pot. And net assets were discussed before we got together. And i have expressed the same views here as i did then. (technicaly you could say my partner has written that off as it is now ours)


So i have kind off been on both sides of the fence.

My divorce was not fair(from a financial point of view to me) but was amicable as divorces go.

By the way i am not currently married to my partner. But have just asked her to marry me 2 mins ago. Did tell her i was sincere today. But she said no. Told her it was fine as i new she was not being sincere and i would ask her tommorrow lol

RadoJo

Am I the only one who didn't say "All that I am I give to you, All that I have I share with you"? Perhaps that's only if you get married in church... :-)

justjohn

RadoJo wrote: »

Am I the only one who didn't say "All that I am I give to you, All that I have I share with you"? Perhaps that's only if you get married in church... :-)

i never said that either....had love, honour, obey (for richer or poorer)etc (church of scotland)

Mrs_justjohn

RadoJo wrote: »

Am I the only one who didn't say "All that I am I give to you, All that I have I share with you"? Perhaps that's only if you get married in church... :-)

I had a 'traditional' C of E ceremony in a church

and the vows were:


'to have and to hold
from this day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
till death us do part'

The couple then exchange a ring or rings as a 'sign of their marriage' and a reminder of the vows:

'With my body I honour you,
all that I am I give to you,
and all that I have I share with you,
within the love of God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit.'


I have highlighted the relevant bits...LOL


Anyway I digress.....LOL:rotfl:

Imp

On a slightly more practical note, don't forget to tell the inland revenue about this agreement, as they will probably be interested in taxing the income from the interest on the loan.