Lending money to husband

Nottoobadyet

serious question for the posters - I was under the impression that any written agreement still wouldn't be enforceable since presumably the OP isn't a FSA regulated money lender?

justjohn

Steel wrote: »

You got to be careful you don't allow the experiences of a previous relationship to negatively affect the next. We all do it to a certain extent to protect ourselves, but sometimes that does a disservice to the person we are with.

Sometimes you have to take a deep breath and dump those battered old suitcases down the emotional tip.

Thats so hard to do sometimes. But what you say is so spot on.

Errata

OP - get your new will drawn up by a STEP solicitor and have a watertight agreement for the money drawn up at the same time. This will cost you some cash, but that can be deducted from the amount you're going to cough up to clear the debts.
The credit cards should have been cut up ALREADY ! You might want to make that a condition of the loan.
Marriages don't on average have a long life these days and the average length of time for a second marriage is far less than for a first.

justjohn

Nottoobadyet wrote: »

serious question for the posters - I was under the impression that any written agreement still wouldn't be enforceable since presumably the OP isn't a FSA regulated money lender?

It is just a contract and must be legal/forcable in law. solicitor is the only one that can do that properly.

justjohn

Errata wrote: »

Marriages don't on average have a long life these days and the average length of time for a second marriage is far less than for a first.

Sad really, was not always the case....Dont you just love progress.

Monkeynut

Seeing as lots of people on here are more interested in judging your decisions etc, rather than answering your actual question, and being a bit more helpful, maybe a quick enquiry to CAB would be helpful, as I would imagine they would be able to direct you as to whether you can draw up something yourself that is legally binding at all, or whether it really would be best to go through a solicitor.
I agreee that often what comes down to being quite important is just a record of the transaction, with your husband acknowledging from the start that the money was a loan and not a gift.

I know it can be difficult when you'r paying off debts that aren't your fault (and I guess even harder when they're not technically even your husbands fault either). But I think you are being really sensible about it.
No, of course it's not romantic and all that la-de-dah stuff! And while that is important in a relationship/marriage, it's not all there is. And especially for a long sustanable relationship it is also important to use your head as well as your heart.

I'm just as suprised as you Head Girl that people have been so judgemental in the opposite way that you expected. It doesn't mean you don't trust him, or love him any less, it's just being sensible. Especially as you've said that the savings would have been used for the both of you and the family in general anyway. Maybe convince him that paying back with interest isn't exactly what you want, but to make it work out the same but in less 'business-like' terms, just suggest that on top of paying back what you paid off for him, that he also puts an additional £X amount into the saving as well. Same amount of money involved, but more equal sounding??? That money would have just been thrown away on interest to the CC companies anyway (another reason I think you definately did the right thing paying it back with your savings), so it might as well go to something more worthwhile, that you will actuallly see and be able to enjoy.

The fact that you had enough in savings to be able to pay these debts off in the first place, in my eyes, goes to show that you have a pretty sensible head on your shoulders.

Sorry I couldn't be more help as to your actual question, but sending you the best of luck, with this issue, and with the family.

sueeve

I think Head Girl's decision comes out of the light of experience. This board is full of people who haven't been cautious and who have got into a horrid financial and emotional mess. I suspect that it is only the agreement to 'pay back' which has enabled her husband to hold his head up high when accepting the money to pay off debts related to his first marriage. The GOOD thing is that the debt isn't hidden and that they are finding a solution which is appropriate for them. The joy of her new marriage doesn't take away apprehension given what she has been through before. We move on, but hopefully having learnt from the past, because whatever we say about 'closure' the past doesn't go away.
Head Girl, I hope you have a wonderful marriage.

Mrs_justjohn

Imp wrote: »

My marriage vows were

"All that I am I give to you
All that I have I share with you".

What were the OP's?

"All that I am I lend to you for term certain 6 months with an option to extend by mutual agreement of both parties for a further term of one month, at the end of either

i) the first six month term
ii) any subsequent one month term

All that I have may be borrowed subject to monthly payments and interest, compounded daily, at a rate equal to the average base rate of Lloyds TSB bank, HSBC and Royal Bank of Scotland. In the event of non-payments a £40 fee shall be charged for administration.

Was creased up laughing at this post....but in the cold light of day it really isn't funny is it:(

I think if the OP is taking steps to protect her childrens future/inheritance I can understand it (sort of) but it seems so cold and callous within what should be a loving, trusting relationship.

But then what do I know - I am the partner of justjohn...:rotfl: who seems to think our relationship is a business relationship (judging from his posts) and that he is laughing all the way to the bank as he has his hands on my assets :rotfl:

GEEGEE8

I think you are being very sensible and as it was his idea, then I don't see how it's going to have any negative impact on the relationship, as long as he makes the payments as agreed.

The OP has probably saved hard for her money, why should her money go on paying debts that his ex wife created? He should pay them, as that is his mistake from his past relationship.

I do believe in contributing to the household 50/50, and any other money is that persons to use as they wish to.

Hardly anyone is together forever nowdays, and you really do have to protect your assets, because when the !!!!!! hits the fan, you only have yourself to fall back on.

Head_Girl

Thank you to Monkeynut and sueeve. You have both hit the nail on the head as far as I am concerned with regard to my relationship and this financial matter. :T I really appreciate your kind comments.

I do see myself as sharing with him but he wants to pay me back with a small amount added on to cover any interest lost, for his own self respect. He has entered into this relationship bringing very little with him, which does not bother me one iota. I want him for the person he is, not for what he has. I did not know about his financial situation when we first met and it has made no difference to our relationship now that I know what it is. He has made me and my girls very happy and I will be eternally grateful to him for that. He does not want to run away from his responsibilities or sweep them under the carpet. He accepts that mistakes have been made in the past and has been paying for them (albeit at an exorbitant rate.) The only thing I've done is help to alleviate the worry for him to enable our life together to be less stressful and more enjoyable.

Once again, I would like to thank everyone for their positive comments and good wishes.