Lending money to husband

paddy's_mum

Having been badly treated by an ex-husband or wife, and learned that for many people, marriage is anything but for keeps, it makes sense for any second spouse to at least attempt to protect themselves. Even if all you do is seek out the information, that is surely common-sense, even if it doesn't do much for the romance level?

Only an idiot tries to walk on water for the second time having been well and truly dunked the first time!!

OP, I'm sure that your faith in him will be justified and that he will be honourable enough to sign the loan agreement even though he already has the money. My evidence? He hasn't defaulted on the debts from his previous marriage, has he? Good luck.

Hotspur

Hi Head Girl,

Some negativity in a few responses without answering the question 'though I can see where people are coming from.

I don't think that any agreement will be binding in law if the worst happens however, there isn't anything wrong in having a record of the transaction, rather than a contract, IMHO. I'd float this with your husband first though, to see how he feels about it rather than present him with a document to sign.

As he has agreed to pay the money back then why not open a joint account for him to pay into monthly and use that for 'treats' for you both in the future. That way it won't seem like a business arrangement and you will both feel good about it.

carolinejane_2

justjohn wrote: »

Thats fine....But would it be ok for the guy to see the whole relationship as a business arrangement.

Because each too there own.

She isnt suggesting seeing the whole relationship as a business arrangement from what i can see. Just this issue of a large debt and her future security. Male or female it doesnt matter either way its a sensible move imo

justjohn

Head_Girl wrote: »

Thanks Justjohn,

I had what I thought was the same as the majority relationship for 22 years, until my ex husband left me! I now know that nothing is guaranteed and fully expected to come on here and have people tell me how stupid I was to have done this without having a formal agreement. Obviously I was wrong and people are more concerned about my relationship with my new husband. However, I do have two teenage daughters to consider and I want to make sure that their future is as secure as I can make it. This is the only reason for my post. I love my new husband very much and am very much looking forward to our future together. Believe me I was thinking of him when I wrote this post. He is so embarrassed by this and would rather keep paying the cc companies than be in debt to me. What sort of wife would I be to have the wherewithall to help him, but just stand back and do nothing to protect his male ego? Sorry, but that's just not me. I am a carer by nature and hate to see anybody hurting. I am from the school of practicality (?) and common sense and this seemed the sensible thing to do.

i understand were you are comming from...its just not my cup of tea.

If its about protecting assets for children. Why not just do a trust fund for the kids.
Its alot less frowned open/in your face?

Imp

My marriage vows were

"All that I am I give to you
All that I have I share with you".

What were the OP's?

"All that I am I lend to you for term certain 6 months with an option to extend by mutual agreement of both parties for a further term of one month, at the end of either

i) the first six month term
ii) any subsequent one month term

All that I have may be borrowed subject to monthly payments and interest, compounded daily, at a rate equal to the average base rate of Lloyds TSB bank, HSBC and Royal Bank of Scotland. In the event of non-payments a £40 fee shall be charged for administration.

carolinejane_2

Steel wrote: »

There are other ways of contributing to a marriage besides financial.

For example, a great many women contribute to a marriage by having and rearing children, but they may not contribute financially to any savings accounts.

I agree Steel and I am sure in every other way he will contribute and even pay this money back but if they did split Head girl would not be able to live off these things she will need money.

justjohn

carolinejane wrote: »

She isnt suggesting seeing the whole relationship as a business arrangement from what i can see. Just this issue of a large debt and her future security. Male or female it doesnt matter either way its a sensible move imo

i aimed comment at you. And was more of a question. would it be ok for a man to think of the whole arrangement as a business arrangement?(there are some men that do)

Was asking for your oppinion?

carolinejane_2

justjohn wrote: »

i aimed comment at you. And was more of a question. would it be ok for a man to think of the whole arrangement as a business arrangement?(there are some men that do)

Was asking for your oppinion?

Well it wouldnt work for me I do like some romance but as you pointed out each to their own
I think there has to be some common sense in any relationship business or personal and whilst you may feel your relationship is forever if something was to happen then it will be a comfort if you have at least got some security

Steel_2

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Only an idiot tries to walk on water for the second time having been well and truly dunked the first time!!

Depends whether you are walking over the same body of water the second time

You got to be careful you don't allow the experiences of a previous relationship to negatively affect the next. We all do it to a certain extent to protect ourselves, but sometimes that does a disservice to the person we are with.

Sometimes you have to take a deep breath and dump those battered old suitcases down the emotional tip.

Head_Girl

Thanks carolinejane, paddy's mum, Hotspur and Steel for your replies and I will definitely be using Vomityspice's advice.

I guess that what is needed is a record of the transaction. I have copies of my bank statements detailing the transfer to his accounts and I will draft up a letter of intent for him. Nothing too severe but just a record of what has been agreed.

I will not be mentioning "paying back" once this has all been set up and it won't affect our day to day relationship as, I mentioned before, the money was sitting untouched for later use in the years ahead.

Thanks to everyone who has contributed to this post.